I think 7 & 5 is too young to understand what is going on. I don't think you should agree with whatever excuse she had, but you probably shouldn't say that mom is a druggie.

I think at that age, the conversation should be rather quick. Basically when your children bring it up, and they say that mom said she was sick, you should just say that it's a shame, and change the subject. That way you're not acknowledging, not sticking the kids in the middle of it, and not giving attention to a situation they really aren't old enough to understand.

I think I would reply differently if your children were older, however they're just not able to understand, and if they do, they're young enough to say something to her, which will only turn them into the rope in a tug of war competition.

If you want to talk more, message me. I have a similar situation.

I would still use the term "Sick" you don't need to go into great detail.

First of all if you think she could be impaired while around your children I would make very sure she is sober when she comes to pick them up or leave them. Tell the kids you have to "talk" to their mother about something and check her out before she takes them.

Then tell your daughter that if she feels that mommy is acting "sick" when she is visiting that she should call You or Grandma or someone so that they can help Mommy.

My daughter had a friend in this situation. The principal noticed that the Mother was acting high on something and refused to release the daughter to her one afternoon.

In any case, kids are smart... I'm sure your daughter already knows a lot more than you think she does.

I think you need to talk to both kids. Explain that mommy is sick and that sometimes she can't do what mommys do. And that if they think mommy is acting strange they need to get another adult right away. Make sure they understand that any adult will help them - you, grandma, policeman, store clerk. Keep things in the tone of they have to help mommy and that this is not her fault. When they are older if she is still using you will need to change things to explain addiction.

I would also suggest getting an order from the court that she has to have supervised visitation and can absolutely not drive them anywhere. What would have happened if she had taken those pills and then made it to the school to pick them up??

I knew at 7 my mom was a drunk...I knew, but I had no one to turn to...no one cared when I'd come knocking on their door at midnight cuz she'd locked me out, my teachers would take me home from after school daycare cuz she'd forget to pick me up and w/ no family, they didn't have another option...and of course, being scared shitless, I'd lie and say she worked late, locked the keys in the car, etc. etc...now a days, people will call CSD. Don't underestimate your child's ability to understand there is something seriously wrong. In my opinion, I think you need to let your daughter know more. Not sure on the whole 'druggie' angle - but for peace of mind for you, and her - she needs to know she can call you - at 2pm for a emergency pick up at school, or 2am, when mom's time with the kids has become sitting in the car at the bar time...First off, I'd revisit letting your ex to pick her up if she's going to continue to abuse drugs/substance on days / times she is to pick up the kids. Let her know, what she does on her OWN time, is her business, but the KID time, is sacred, and she either needs to shape up, or move on w/o dragging them and you with her. Don't enable her - and don't let her guilt you into feeling sorry for her - the sooner you cut her off of approving her behavior, the sooner she'll shape up or not. As for your kids - I understand you don't want them to hate her, be mad at her, etc...but you also don't want your protection of her really bad choices to affect their view of you as their dad. Protecting them is what is important right now, before it goes too far.

There is absolutely no way to justify telling your children at this age. Coming from a teachers point of view....let your children be children. This is adult business and they don't need to hear about it. Honestly, if you're that concerned that she will be impaired in front of them #1--get a court order for supervised visits #2---teach your children that if anyone ever passes out (could be a grandparent) they call 911. I've seen too many children have to grow up too quickly. Don't rob them of their childhood.

I agree with # 5. My dad made me very aware of dangers in my young age and I grew up being afraid of everything and not being able to be a child. He taught me to shoot a weapon at a very young age in order to protect myself. I think methods of overprotecting children does rob them of their youth and it caused me a lot of issues. I suppose it could be taught in a way that doesn't scare a child so much but children do get taught at a very young ages to call 911 in case something is wrong :-) and children catch on very quickly to there being problems :-). Emotions go a long way with no words even being said :-)

I don't think protecting your children is robbing them of their childhood. You can do this, discreetly, safely and in your child's best interest. Do you really think the alternative is better? Always wondering if they are safe, if she's passed out, if they are scared? Your kids need something from you to know you are aware there is an issue with their mom. If all you do is tell them 'mom is sick, if ever she can't be woken up or seems to be lost while you're out - CALL ME, CALL 911, CALL Grandma' whatever you decide is best for your situation - but don't ignore it just to 'let them be kids'....this is bigger than that, this is about their safety and your piece of mind while they are with their mother. Just because they are kids, doesn't mean you can't teach them safely, responsibility and awareness. Like I said, no one was their for me...I spent my childhood taking care of my drunk mother, because NO ONE told me I didn't have to. No one told me it was OK to let someone know I was scared to be with her...I just went, did what I had to do to eat, sleep, get home, whatever. I don't hate my mom for being a drunk - she made her bed, and I know she still beats herself up over it now...It wasn't an ideal childhood, but fortunately, I made better choices as a grown up, and will continue to do so. She also, is a better grandparent than she was a parent. I love her, but we are not close - for other reasons, not having anything to do with her drinking...Like I said, she beats herself up for that one. I know I did okay, and I'm lucky - I made it through my childhood and it was only after my step-dad stepped in and took me away from her.

I agree with the "sick" angle of telling the children. Both need to know that mom is sick and sometimes may need another adult to help. Telling the children you are available when mom isn't is not putting them in an adult role. Not telling them, letting them deal with this on their own, is. Mom is forcing them to grow up by not being honest with them. As the responsible adult, you are giving them permission to be children, not to have to be the adult when mom won't. Talk to them at their level. They do know what is going on, that mom has an addiction problem. Let them know that they are not expected to cure it, that there are adults around who will deal the issues.