My love, a big hug. Please don't feel down on yourself for your moms issues or views of life. The beautiful thing about being you, is that you are unique, there is no one else in the world like you. It is okay to not want children, your saving a childs life but not having one when you don't want it. I think its important for you to create a mental safe space for yourself. A haven in your mind, of self love and appreciation of your feelings and emotions.

You are special, no matter how your mother makes you feel.

The only person that is important is you, if you can find happiness within yourself, no one else around you can take that away.

I am sending you tons of positive energy and love. You are strong for reaching out and saying something.

You're in a bad position right now Cherry, but believe me when I tell you that you aren't the only one who's gone or is going through something like this. Hearing hurtful things from your parent is hard, not being wanted by one of them is too, don't let someone else pressure you into doing something you don't want, particularly something as permanent and life changing as having kids. I know trying to ignore things your mom says about you is hard, but just because she says it does not make it true. It sounds like your mother has her own issues to deal with, but those aren't on you and letting her put them there isn't going to make you happy.
I know it doesn't seem like it, and it won't be easy but this is something you can get through. Like you said it's your life, how you live it is up to you so don't let her drag you down.

SHe was at it again tonight. Not directly but enough to hurt me. I think she had 2 bottles of wine but can't be sure. SHe wants me to 'grow up' which in her mind equals a husband and children. SHe once told me that unless you are married and have kids, you have achieved nothing and have failed at life.

We where watching a show about the fire of london and they had a clip of the monument. I quiped that I had been up it and shared an interesting factlet about it and she acted like It was offensive to her. I feel like I have been trying to negociate a mine field without a map in the dark tonight. I wanted to go to bed but mum wanted to watch the news. she acted put out like It was all about me. I get the news on my tablet daily and to be honest, at the moment I just don't want to know. Got enough stress and pain in my life already and I don't need anymore.

She will never axcept me. I never wanted to grow up but as it was forced apon me I swore that I would never let that spark of childhood joy go out. I have multiple super soakers and yes I do use them. I love to have fun and climb trees. I go to work on a micro scooter and I still have my furbies and numerous toys from my childhood. She sees them as junk and clutter, but to me THEY are my family and not her. She is so controling and as long as I live with her I can never be truly free.

Hi. Sorry that you've suffered through all this, cherrytreats.

I find it amusing how you tell of choosing your friends...I'm that way as well; let them earn your trust, and I, too, hope that the suspicious ones exit quickly.
ツ

It appears that your mom's love for you is overshadowed by her own emotional pain. After all, she had to survive an unhappy marriage which ended in divorce. And, for example, when she drinks strong drink, followed by abusive & blaming language; and uncaring thoughts & behaviors, it is caused by her pent-up anger & disappointment with her own life. I really feel awful for this. Her behavior is that of what some refer to as externalize(r), which means she takes no ownership of bad things that are happening to her. And I am glad to see that you are not accepting personal fault for her behavior; she is really out of your ability to control. Because her behavior is ongoing & habitual, low-grade, out of line with a healthy perspective of life, and there is absolutely nothing you can do for her, unless you strongly encourage her to get involved in some type of skilled therapy; yet suggesting this idea to her will create a whole different ballgame, right? Yes, it will. However, she is the only one who can gain power over her extreme pain & misery. Perhaps going through an unhappy marriage inspires her to press you into marriage. In such cases, especially with highly stressful women, the sadness turns to a plague of disillusioned attempts to finish out a happier life through the lives of adult children. Only she has to realize that the happiness she seeks for is not by altering the hopeful desires of her family.

Parenthood is not easy. Although, I can't fault your mother for wanting to have grandchildren. It's just that you've made it clear to her that you are not ready for this responsibility, and she has to accept that this decision is your right to do so and move to stop giving you a hard time. This should be a goal for the sake of peace between both of you.

If only there were some other place for you to live, then, if not, you'll just have to make the best of learning how to ignore her and let her words roll to the floor as waste. Not intending to say that you don't care for her personally. What I see is that she is only bombing you because she has no idea of how to fix her own life. Love her - ignore her - respect her - and forgive her are the only acceptable things to do at present, and as you have to share space with her, make the best of conditions by staying silent and avoiding her when you can. And she can't really force you to carry on a conversation together. So just peer at her when she lashes out at you with hurtful words and hope for her to soon simply sleep off the raging temper.

Lighting for you a candle of hope,

Remiah ❦ hugs!❦

that is one of the most comforting things I have ever read and I thankyou for saying it to me. Thing is though Now mum is banging on about a comb she thinks I took from her room. She asked me to get it so she could comb my hair (don't ask) now she blames me for taking it and not returning it. Doesn't matter what actually happened. All that matters is what SHE thinks happend. If I try to challenge her, She says I am just like my dad and dont respect her. ( my dad has borderline personality disorder and last time we met he accusesd me of stealing a torch from him). Both my parents have mental health issues and I am caught in the worst place possible. Right in the middle with no where to escape to.

When she is like this, It really grinds me down. Do I defend myself or let her walk all over me and just apologize even though I did nothing wrong? Standing up to her just makes even worse and I usually end up in a heap crying and begging for forgivness. I am very much alone in this house. She tries to control what I talk to my friends about but I tell them everything anyway. I trust them more than mum any day.

I may well end up updating this on a daily basis the way things are going. Thankyou for the support and hugs. They really comfort me. Nice to know that someone cares and has heard me.

Hi!

cherrytreats, you deserve to feel relaxed! And you should care more about yourself more often. Though I know how much you care of your parents' health too. Only dealing with the both of them at the same time is not an easy job. (and I won't dare ask you to explain the comb incident; though it is cute that she wants to care for you in that way; still challenging behavior, right?! ツ

And please update your post as often as you can; this gives you a chance to excape & unplug from the strong confinement of your home life. Writing out feelings encourages more energy! And when you think of having a comeback to defend yourself, or walking away during your mom's outbursts: I choose that you walk away. This is a smart choice. Because your parents are dealing with strong emotional issues, way stronger than the power of your words to control. So do try to think of other safe choices in which you have to use to set boundaries, scope out a shelter plan? I know that carrying a set of earbuds and satisfying music is very helpful to block out distracting conversations or annoying sounds. Stock up on music or relaxation tracts you enjoy. Then with the matter of her interfering with your friends, an idea is to restrict to phone texting or join in social media contacts. Your close & trusting relationships or those who already understand what you are coping with will make sure that you don't feel so alone or out of the loop. Whatever you do, don't discuss your friendly conversations with your mother, even if she stands over your shoulder and imposes herself as you chat, just stay silent & save your energy. She is lonely & unable to find her own healthy contacts, naturally, she is sadly miserable, & strange thing is that she feels better as she creates an uncomfortable scene with you & your own friendships. (old proverb: misery loves company).

Reach out in love to your mom & dad; they need you more than they have words to express it. I feel for them & I hope the best ahead for all of you!

Give your inner-self a big hug today!!


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GROUP HUGS!!`*•.¸)`*•¯\_ (^_^)_/¯
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well, things where ok. Mum was away then I was so we barely saw one another. Then today I saw she had more tomato and garlic sauce. She's been putting it in my food dispite KNOWING that it upsets the IBS. SHe blew off and accused me of being just as manipulative and controling as my dad as I had had it many times with no problem. Except I hadn't. I had had IBS flare ups and had no idea why as I assumed mum would know what what was safe for me. I trusted her and she ignored it. SHe also goes in my room and uses my mirror to squeeze her spots. I don't do that to her mirror yet she thinks its fine. She told me to get out and that she didnt want to see me so I took the dog for a four hour walk not knowing if or when I would be allowed home. Eventually I was summoned back and when I returned, more blaming and accusing awaited me. SHe has put up with so much nastyness from nmy dad, she assumes that both my brother and I will eventually turn on her and do the same. SO what ever I do she is just waiting for any excuse to confirm her paranoid beliefs. Ignoreing the abuse she heaps on me and how she calls it 'tough love' when she screams and swears in my face. How she calls me a curse and constantly points out the lack of children and partner in my life and how she has clearly failed as a parent as neither me or my brother have turned into her clones!! This is really messing with my head as I know Im not like my dad at all!!. I am kind and careing with no false pretenses. I make mistakes but who doesn't? I desperatly want to stand up for myself and fight back.. but its not worth it. She would only get angry. So I have to go back to apologising even though its not my fault, taking propanalol to cope with the anxiety and crying into my popple very quietly so no-one hears me.

I suggested I go to a hospital appointment ( for the IBS) alone and she took offense. I just can't win with her and I'm not strong enough to take her on alone.

Hi there,

So sorry for the IBS! It would have been thoughtful for her to place a sprig of mint in with the garlic, peppermint is pain-relieving, anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial. Or Chamomile tea is good at relieving intestinal spasms, and fights inflammation as well. And even as she serves foods in which case may irritate, at least seeing these herbs at the table assures you that she is not deliberately ignoring your health needs. I consider she was simply bored with preparing the meal & not very interested, perhaps too tired to take matters seriously at the time. Perhaps suggesting that she alert you when she is not interested in cooking a meal is a good idea, at least, and you may then serve yourself, safe idea.

And as for using your mirror, in the way by which you describe, have you considered how many times she changed your diaper with those same hands? Likely, her hands & fingers have slipped into many a compromising situation of body waste, sorry, but you get the point. :-)

As I've cautioned before: Save your energy. This is a pattern of repeated behavior. It's caused by self-behavior. The complaint is out of your reach. Only your mom can address a change. The only common recommendation is that direct contact should be avoided when low-grade behavior is present. Then with the matter of the hospital appointment, so be it. It really is up to you to decide when to make & keep appointments. Not her. And could it be that you are using her as an excuse for "NOT" seeking help? Not to be offensive but you are stronger than you know. You only need time to regenerate after the disappointments. Take what you can do for yourself in serious consideration and move along with courage & short-term pride. Too much pride is at sometimes not a virtue. But helps, for the most part, to build personal strength.

Great to know that you are keeping in touch. I only hope that you know how much I care for you today. I really hope that conditions between you & family improve in time.
Keep in prayer! ⋐ɦug⋑...ℛℰℳ¡Åℋ... ῳ¡৳ƕ ℒℴ❤ℰ

Big hug for you Cherry..... You are an adult is that right??

If you are I would move...... Your mother is cruel and treats you in a cruel fashion.... You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect

If you aren't able to live alone I would start to look into living at a group home.... Your family doctor can refer you to a social worker and you can get some help

For someone who states they like kids they treat their own child in a nasty way

Big squishy hug..... I'm sorry you've been hurt.......xo