Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Out of my 19 years of being a mother to 4 beautiful girls, raising them solo working two to three jobs at a time to keep them off the system showing them that there is no short cuts in life you've got to earn every penny, after sending two girls away to college I thought I got this parenting thing down boy was I wrong. None of my older girls ever left me in tears like my third daughter. Her body language, spiteful words hearing her reminds me of her father and why I left him years ago. I know she's going to give me the fight of my life. " Help "
My suggestion is to use ever single resource the school has and see if a dx could qualify her for special ed services. She could have a mental health issue. I teach; feel free to PM me if you like, or get more into details on this post to benefit others.
You sound very level headed and props to doing all you do. I take it you're not getting any help from the ex?
Hugs.
Also, try not to lose control in front of her. Try to keep a poker face when she's misbehaving. If you feel yourself starting to cry or get emotional or upset, calmly walk into the bathroom and close the door and stay there until you've collected yourself. She might be one of those personalities that likes pushing buttons and testing boundaries and "getting a rise" out of people. If she is getting even negative reactions from you, this may be encouraging her bad behavior. Try not responding to the bad behavior, but when she does something good, make a point to let her know that you noticed that and appreciated that.
One of my sisters was like this, and I learned what not to do by watching my mom. My mom would react to everything my sister did. My sister would wait until my mom was asleep, and then get right up into my mom's face and scream "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" right in my mom's face. My mom would wake up and cry and scream right back at her and sometimes things would get physical, with my mom hitting my sister with the pillow, doors slamming, etc. Hopefully your situation is not as bad as that. I just shared that story because I think it shows how important it is for the parent to remain in control of situations. And if you feel yourself "losing it", remove yourself from the situation, get to a safe place, calm yourself, and don't go back to the child until you can keep yourself in check.
Your response to her can help teach her proper behavior. You can teach her how to cope with these feelings she is having which are causing her to act out like she is. Your family doctor should be able to recommend a good behavioral therapist. If I were in your shoes I'd definitely reach out for help and available resources from the school and the doctor or therapist.
I hope it gets better for you.