It sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend. You need to talk about household responsibilities, jobs, and visitors.

You and your boyfriend live together so household jobs should be shared. The only exception to this is if for example he works full time and you work part time. You mention that you have no food or gas and are behind on bills. That is another huge discussion that you must have immediately. You need a budget to make sure you have the money to pay all of your bills ontime. After that you should be saving money for emergencies. You also need to let him know how you feel about his brother and the way he makes you feel. Your boyfriend needs to understand this and support you.

It sounds like you have a lot of problems. I'm not sure I understand your last line where you say "then I'm evil because I said I will leave". Why would you be wrong for leaving him? My first thought on reading your post is that you need to get away from your BF who is not treating you well and allows his brother to not treat you well. You are so young and should not be living this way now and things will only get worse with time. If you can get counseling that might help. Otherwise you need to move out. Sometimes some space will allow you two to work on your relationship or it will show that it was not meant to be.

Remember nothing changes unless you make a change.

I'm a little confused about your situation-

Is the BIL your BF's brother? If so, then he's NOT your BIL! Also does he live with you, or just visit???

If your BF supported you on your position, then you wouldn't have the issue. So this is really about your BF and you, NOT the other guy.

I'd lay down some rules and consequences. Then take steps to leave him if he's not treating you better.

Clarifications-
I call him my brother in law because it's just easier than typing "my boyfriend's little brother" I'm sorry if that confuses people, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years so I consider his family my in laws because I don't believe in marriage. His brother does not live here, I said I would move out if he tried to make us live together because he has repeatedly asked me to let him move in and I refused because I dislike the way he criticizes me. I do the housekeeping because I am a full time student and don't work so I have more free time, however I don't think that is any excuse for people to harass me about it when I am the only one cooking and cleaning. I don't want to let someone else ruin my relationship and I finally made that clear last night to both of them. I just really get mad when my bf makes me feel like I'm over reacting and being dramatic because I get so mad about someone coming to my home and checking my furniture for dust and inspecting my fridge and kitchen floor and then laughing in my face about it.

Maybe you need to laugh back at him. Asking him what his room looks like...or suggest that if he can do it better you can get him a cloth and some furniture polish. Remember the best defense is a good offense. Don't let him push you around or put you down. If he gets out of line just point and the door and tell him to come back when he can be nice.

Thanks. I know everyone thinks I should just leave my boyfriend but I know that that's what his brother wants. He has never wanted us to be together and he wants his big brother at home with him. After all we have been though I'm not going to just walk out because someone else wants to treat me like crap. I can understand that my boyfriend is trying to keep the peace between us but I am officially done being nice about this. It's so damn hard trying to keep the peace between our 2 families, because believe me my family has done some bad things too. That's part of a relationship you know?

All that should matter is your relationship with your BF. How he treats you and how he supports you is what defines your relationship and whether it is a healthy place for you to be. THere is nothing wrong with realizing that you and he have changed or that circumstances have changed and maybe this is not where you want to be. Keep the focus on the two of you and see if you like what you see.

you sound really frustrated. I agree with the shared thoughts about sharing the responsibility of the house work. It should not matter if you are a full time student or not. Going to school is just as hard as working a full time job. He should respect you as his girlfriend and you should be more important than his brother. I don't blame you for not letting him move in.

Sophias, if you have guys have been together for 5 1/2 years, your boyfriend probably has some good points about him too. Try to have a serious discussion with him as our other friends here have suggested. But in the end, you will need to take the good with the bad, as we all do in long-term relationships. The truth is that all relationship partners have their short-comings. So yes, talk to him about your true feelings but it also helps sometimes to take a step back and take the 40,000 foot view as well. Try not avoid throwing the baby out with the bath water.

I agree with Tigg..hand little BIL a dust rag and mop...but I would say, "Gee, why don't you show me how to do it properly?" He is the little brother. Don't let him intimidate you. Yes, maybe he is trying to get you to move out so he can move in. He is pushing your buttons to get you to react. If you laugh it off and joke with him he might quit his antics.

When he comes over put on some music and grab that dust rag...Dance around dusting and do that booty thing young people do....see how fast your boyfriend gets rid of little brother. Fight fire with fire. Remember...smile....look innocent and coy.

Two can play that game...and maybe your boyfriend finds it amusing. Men are funny that way. They find that us getting angry over trivial things to be amusing...it is not trivial to us. Besides a little dust never killed anyone.

Good Luck...Don't worry...be happy.

Sophi,

Anyone that insults another does it to solicit a negative reaction. People that insult others are generally insecure people. Instead of reacting to his comments and getting upset I would address them head on in a very calm manner. The next time he visits and spews out an insult, calmly ask him why he feels it necessary to insult you. Usually when you address the insulter they either follow up with another insult or back off. In either case, if he repeats himself; repeat your question to him as calmly as you can. Don't give him the upper hand. He's insecure and probably has some feelings of jealousy towards you. None of which you need to carry around on your shoulders.

I would recommend you read some literature on verbal defense. It'll give you a sense of empowerment no matter what social interaction that you have in whatever situation.

All my best to you; in-laws can be very trying sometimes!

And it is time to talk to your boyfriend. He has to share the cleaning and it is time that he also stepped in with his brother. The two of you are living there and if one of your relatives spoke to him like that, you would not want them to disrespect him. So why does he feel it is okay if his brother, who comes over to beg money from him, disrespects you in the process?

Could it be that your boyfriend may not see the harm in it? If so, then it is a bigger problem than you thought and it would give me serious doubts about the relationship you have, even if it is longer than 5 years.