Family Issues Support Group

Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.

4,813 Members
5,774 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Family Issues Support Group

Not coming home for the holiday

fridanyc
fridanyc

I have always spent the holidays with my family. For the past 4 years I have been in a relationship but my parents are unexcepting of my partner, to the point where my mother asked my brother to disinvite my partner to his sons first birthday or she would not attend. During the holidays I have always split my time between celebrating with my parents then seeing my partner. But my partner always gets the short end of the stick. I will spend most of the day at my moms house and see my partner at like 9 pm when the day is almost over. My partner has expressed feeling sad and hurt that I never but them first. I promised this year would be different especially since we now live together. How do I tell my mother that because she doesn’t accept my relationship we will be spending the holiday with my partners family out of state? I know this will be hurtful for her to hear and I anticipate crying and her trying to guilt me.

annieheart
annieheart
I don't know why she feels this way. I stay out of my adult daughters relationships. I am there for them if they need me. If I had to I did speak my mind on occasions. As long as there is no violence in your relationship she should not be interfering. If you and your partner are going to make a life together you both have to put each other first. I think spending the Holiday with your partners family sounds like a nice Idea it might be good for your relationship, I made plans with my daughters to spend Christmas Eve together, a new tradition. I figured that way my daughter could enjoy her Christmas with her in-laws. Your Mom might fight it but she has to compromise, Remember its you and your partners holiday too and you both have a right to enjoy it as well.
patti22
patti22
Sounds like you're already at home,and that's what you can tell your mother.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug fridancy …. This is like trying to split the baby and it's really sort of cruel of your family

I would probably talk with your mother and tell her the pain and distress that the family is causing you and the person that you love

You shouldn't have to live YOUR life for your parents.... I would try with some empathy to tell them that this isn't okay and that it's breaking your heart as well

You now have a partner and I would spend the holidays with him/her and let your parents know that you would love to spend some time with them as a couple if and when they accept your choice

Big hug..... This has to be really hard.....xo
Posts You May Be Interested In