I AM one of five children **

Is it just you, or they ALL like this?

How did they learn this behavior- was it like this growing up? Do your parents talk?

My husband's family is 1/2 way around the world, and they Skype all the time... There's got to be a reason why yours doesn't. Did you ever ask them about it?

Why do you need support- is there a way to get it in other ways if your siblings are distant emotionally?

What's the time zone difference? It always takes both sides in a party to communicate effectively. How often to do speak with your mother? It sounds as though there's not too much effort on both sides of the zones and you feel you've been left out of important family news.

military, it is important to recognize what family is. blood relations will always be blood relations but as you have found, may not be much of a support system. blood relations are less important than emotional ties and connections.

It is the people in this world who truly care about you that count the most. They are your true family.

The good thing about family is that if you were not born into a good, emotionally supportive family, you can create your own family! Good, supportive, loving, and loyal friends beat estranged blood relatives any day of the week. So stick with your mother, your other true relatives, and your very best friends to create your own supportive family.

And yes, try to reach out to your father and siblings sometimes too. They might come around yet.

very best,
--EJ

Sorry, I'm new to this site and not sure how to respond to each post individually.

DeliAnnem- I would say most of them are like this. Everything is so personal and "it's my business" type of attitude. My mom and my sister are definitely more involved in my life. My youngest brother once told me that I "analyze them" and that's why people don't want to talk to me. This was after getting my psychology degree in undergrad which is super annoying because clearly they are going off of what movies tell them and not understanding of what the degree actually entails. Now that I am getting my master's in therapy, I fear it will only become worse. For years I tried to get people to skype or do facetime, they were always having "technically difficutlies." Support is needed because I need an outlet. I grew up with these people and I feel like I've been thrown in the trash as if I never existed.

pd2012- Time zone difference is one hour. I reach out to my mom 2-4 times a week.

Ej- I get what you say about blood relatives and sometimes I say the same thing to myself. However; it doesn't make it any easier. Reaching out is a little difficult when my father says "do you need something? well call me back when you need something."

I'm wondering if your mother and sister feel that the men in your family are distant too. They might feel the same way as you do, then the three of you can commiserate about the coldness and incommunicateviness of the guys, at least ;) I understand what you mean when you say you grew up with these people, yet feel you've been thrown out with the trash - my sister and I grew up feeling very close to my mothers 6 brothers and sisters, as well as her parents. Yet once we were adults, it seemed like we were strangers. My sister and I were really hurt and confused by this. how can you go from loving someone one year, and forget about them the next? I also understand the being feared because you got a degree in psychology - I once had a mentally ill friend of my uncle's jump up and run away from me as I was cutting his hair, just because I told him I wanted to study psychology. A lot of people have either had bad experiences with therapists, or cling to their illness. And are literally paranoid that people are psychoanalizing them, and finding out their secrets. I'm not sure what you can do about that, but like others said, find support in other people, other things, and in whatever your mother and sister can offer.

Please don't feel I'm being critical... I'm just brainstorming ideas, okay?

Maybe you are taking those same qualities that made you want to go into psychology and applying that to your own family. Meaning, *could* it be that you are too invasive in other people's business?

One hour time difference is a BS reason for not communicating. We've got *7* hours with Turkey, and they stay up until after midnight just to get a glimpse of their grandson.

I'd just put in out there- "Why don't you talk to me? Am I doing something? I want to be closer and I'm willing to listen to your thoughts. Please tell me what I can do to improve our relationship."

Then, just listen. Don't defend your point of view. Just reply with , "Thank you for trusting me enough to share that. It means a lot. You've given me a lot to think about." Then ask if they think it's going to snow next week. : )

Hugs.

DeliAnnem,

No criticism taken. It could be that I am too much in their business. It just stinks because as soon as I started to go to school for a psychology degree, that's when they really started to withdraw. Even if I'm not saying anything, I get accused of "analyzing" which is what I was told when I asked one sibling why they rarely call me. Seems like I can't win. Unfortunately, most of them have made it very clear that things are going to change so I'm working through accepting them for who they are. I wish things were different but it is what it is. I do have close friends that I can confide in and talk to plus my mom and older sister. Thanks for your time and thoughts :)