Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My sister and I share a fractured legacy; we had childish parents who hid behind their pain in the ministry; resulting in grotesque mental illness. We had not seen each other in decades; since our parents and other sister died one after the other.
Although she acts nice on the surface, my sister is manipulative and controlling towards me. There was no bond between us. The horror of our childhood prevented that. After the deaths of our parents, there was a strange relief. From my side, it was the end of hopeless obligation; knowing the Lord would take over .. what was way over my head to understand.
My sister has continually bombarded me with her diatribe; always a new cause she pushes .. in lieu of conversation. She sought to convert me to a gay lifestyle following her daughter's transgender surgery. I mean she was relentless. Coaxing, persuading .. belittling, badgering. It's true my relationships with me have failed .. but how could they not? It caused me great pain to endure her incessant phone calls. "Let me tell you who I am, " I would counter. And I sought therapy diligently to sort through my history.
Now I have found more confidence to stand my ground. I respond rather than react. I state my own views emphatically.
Result.. she has broken communication with me. Treats me like the "bad" little sister (by one year). This was my identity growing up, too. That when I don't go along with .. what I hate .. I am bad.
It's as if I have no ancestry. Most of the time.. I not only handle it .. I have zest. The holidays are hard for me. Especially because I've had strep throat .. and not up to doing much.
Although she acts nice on the surface, my sister is manipulative and controlling towards me. There was no bond between us. The horror of our childhood prevented that. After the deaths of our parents, there was a strange relief. From my side, it was the end of hopeless obligation; knowing the Lord would take over .. what was way over my head to understand.
My sister has continually bombarded me with her diatribe; always a new cause she pushes .. in lieu of conversation. She sought to convert me to a gay lifestyle following her daughter's transgender surgery. I mean she was relentless. Coaxing, persuading .. belittling, badgering. It's true my relationships with me have failed .. but how could they not? It caused me great pain to endure her incessant phone calls. "Let me tell you who I am, " I would counter. And I sought therapy diligently to sort through my history.
Now I have found more confidence to stand my ground. I respond rather than react. I state my own views emphatically.
Result.. she has broken communication with me. Treats me like the "bad" little sister (by one year). This was my identity growing up, too. That when I don't go along with .. what I hate .. I am bad.
It's as if I have no ancestry. Most of the time.. I not only handle it .. I have zest. The holidays are hard for me. Especially because I've had strep throat .. and not up to doing much.
i feel that was courageous of you to do. to stand up to your older sister when she tried to tempt you or convince you into doing something you didn't want to do or didn't feel the need to do.
i know it must feel like you're alone...with no family...but you DO have family. we're all right here. ready to listen n offer you comfort n advice the best we can THE WAY A FAMILY SHOULD BE.
keep your head up.
Are things well with you today?
how do you think she will take you confronting her about your feelings? i've gone through something similar, but between myself, my mother-in-law, n my brother-in-law.
if she is anything like my two in-laws, things won't get any better n she'll make it out like you're the bad one. my struggle is that it's a new year n i want to make it clear that what they did to me is NOT okay n that i won't stand for it. but at the same time, i know they'll just turn it right back around on me, n i'll probably be hurting more than now.
you just need to weigh out the pros n cons n decide from there.
someone here suggested i write a letter n send it. another suggested that i write a letter, then burn it. another said i should try talking to my MIL.
in the end, i know it's up to me what i want to do...n the same goes for you. you just need to decide which would be the best action for you...then stick to it. ^_^
It's likely you'd experience the same. Denial is amazingly cunning.
I find relief being around real people with real conversations. Otherwise, we go round and round in circles. Might as well shout at a passing truck. People believe what they want .. once they've messed with their own conscience .. it's brutal.
My family needs a hero. Maybe yours does too. Someone not afraid to tell the truth. Whatever the consequences.
it definitely is amazing as to how much denial does...at the same time, it's kind of sad, really...for the people that're in denial, i mean...
^_^
you're cool. you've got a good heart, n no one should make you question that quality. keep it up. don't waste anymore time with someone who is willing to treat you that way. but if you feel the need to still reach out, try to somehow suggest therapy for herself...although, i have no clue how you could go about doing that without her taking it bad..... =/
My sister would foam at the mouth if I suggested therapy. She is convinced of her supremacy on every subject. She's the "god" of God.. so to speak. Makes Him over .. to indulge her whims. I could almost tremble ..
I need the courage to grieve it's impossible .. once and for all .. and "tear the tooth" out. Except for her seeking to influence my oldest daughter .. yet .. I have faith in my daughter.
I'm really "cleaning house." I've been part of a group for 3 years from church; intended to go through life together .. meet weekly and be a support to one another. Except .. it's not like that. Out of 15 women, only 3 remain .. when I leave. Our needs are disregarded; instead .. we are to do charity work for which our leader gets "brownie points" from the head of women's ministry. I I observed those who dropped out had family matters weighing on them.. or health issues; yet they were obligated to serve others ... out there. Example, I had strep throat all week; my group lives within 2-3 miles, but no one would help her .. not even a word of encouragement. Just "I'll pray for you" .. accompanied with a request to provide meals to someone 20 miles away. Why are we shamed for having needs of our own? You know what? If we don't matter .. if we're treated so callously .. we're in no shape to be of service. find it sanctimonious. It's also a loss .. and I'm sad about it. But I cannot keep up the farce any longer.