Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My wife wants me to talk to her daughters BF about being nicer, helping out more, etc. Ive only talked to this young man a couple of times and dont know if he even likes or respects me. I would be willing to hear him out and talk to him but fear he will think Im biased toward my step-daughter and not open up. He doesnt need a lecture from me, hes 25 years old and should be able to figure out most stuff on his own. Does anyone have an experience similar to this that would care to weigh in on this? TIA.
If this man, at the age of 25 isn't helping out as she would like and he isn't "being nice".. No Pep talk or lecture is going to change him
He is who he is. Trying to change people, improve people, tell them what they "SHOULD" be doing... it's a parents right for very young children ( even that usually goes wrong) But for the Step Father of your girlfriend to do it when you're a 25 year old man? Seems like a bad idea to me.
So yeah... That is my opinion.
I guess I'm confused why this is even coming up with a young couple.
Better boundaries ought to be in place.
i think it's your daughter's place to deal with BF...Put yourseld in BF's place...How would you feel if this man who isn't even related to you is telling you about yourself...It's a set up for a power struggle and both of you will become defenseive.
Criticize him, and she's likely to come to his defense and cut you and your wife off.
Want an idea? Send flowers to her at work...not for a holiday or anything special, but "just because".
I would not be a listener to him; I'd shut him down and say, "She is my daughter and as her father, I am going to suggest that any issues you have with her need to be discussed with her, not me. You are 25 and an adult. If you are old enough to be cohabitating, you are old enough to figure this one out on your own."
Just out of curiosity, do you have a relationship with HIS parents?
Rather than talking to him, I'd talk to your daughter. I'd like to add to patti's comment- while you don't want to criticize the BF to your DD, you DO want to support her in wanting her to have a loving and caring relationship. If she's come to you about her BF, then you can always say, "there's nothing we can do about this... but why do you feel the need to accept this behavior?"
Catch my drift?