Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am a single Mom of 2 sons. They are 38 and 40. My youngest went thru college, got married and is having his first child soon. We do not really have much of a relationship. (That will be another post,another day). Currently my problem is with my oldest. We left their Dad when they were 14 and 12. Moved out of state. I went to work and never looked back. I gave my life to them. I worked and came home. Did not start dating until my youngest was 21. In fact, they did not know what it was to have their Mom bring home a stranger. I was too paranoid of what could happen. So to keep them safe I put my life on hold. All of these years now, it has been a back and forth situation mostly with my oldest. Everytime, a girlfriend he lived with broke up with him...He came back home. Always till he could get stable again.About 4 years ago, he decided that we needed to go back home. I fought like mad. But he kept insisting it would be the best for us. So I finally agreed. I got a job transfer,accepted less pay and we were off!
It has been a nightmare! I want my life back! He is suffering with a fatal disease too. Every time I try to kick him out...That guilt comes up. He is not happy but he refuses to admit he was wrong moving like we did. I am planning on leaving the state and going home again. I already told him how I feel.
Now to add to my stress...is the fact that he is constantly lying to me. We made the agreement that if we lived together we split everything down the middle. I am a roommate not Mom! I have paid all the bills for the past 9 months! I have talked to him,reasoned with him,screamed at him..all but offer to run him over and dispose of his body! JK. Every time I go to him about money, he gives me a story. My friends are telling me to run away. How do I get away without feeling like I failed him?
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
This is crippling for him .... Big hug.... If you need to get into therapy for both of your sakes...... Big hug.... xo
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201404/stop-enabling-your-overly-dependent-adult-child
http://www.bigelephant.org/signs-you-might-be-a-codependent-parent/
First of all, I commend you for your love & unselfish devotion to your sons. Amazing it is that your routine life is still guided to make certain that they are comfortable, even as adults.
This situation is indeed a chaos with roller coaster emotions for both you and your older son, which, by the way, many sons communicate better with their mothers, so he is certainly not aiming to harm you emotionally nor does he desire to interfere with your future plans. And I feel like it is the well-meaning advice & interest of friends which turns this situation into crisis language, of which casual words set off your frustration & impatience with your son. It is important to share only short details of information & be careful with whom you speak to. One never knows what is going on with others & how they offer advice based on their own dire circumstances. Not fair to your son either.
I'd like to gently shift your mind over to the proverbial "extra mile," theory, and this is important for the need for tolerance & understanding with your son's present health concerns. Have you considered that his thoughts & behavior could be due to symptoms of this illness and is causing him to think irrationally? He could be impaired by strong medications. I am sure that he is fearful for what's to come. And as a mother, you are a comfort to him. And there is no sure way at present to predict what his quality of life would be like without the loving care of his mother. Understand?
And I am familiar with the hopes & dreams all mothers share as that goal of a happy, healthy child & caring family relations is what we all desire. Not happening just now. Yet soften your feeling without allowing guilt to enter your mind, because you have no reason to form the expressions of feelings of shame and regret; for you have done nothing wrong. What is going on now is that the bomb was dropped when your son became ill, he is scrambling to find supportive help and now you have more reason than ever to stand by him. Frustrating, sure, but you must be willing to further assure him of outpouring love. He needs you for personal progress. Please help him.
Compassionate service is more than preoccupation with him being in the same place with his mother right now. Naturally, he has to be there now, and who else is there to depend on but the one he trust the most in his life, mother, who has been there for him since the time he took his first breath & opened his tiny little eyes to see your smiling & gentle face.
You each can settle into conversations inspired by seeing him through his trials & challenges for now. Keep in mind that he is completely aware that you have other personal plans; he respects that. Unfortunately, however, most men are not easily moved to share their deepest personal aspects of feelings & very often while in crisis mode they will fumble for the right words to say or possibly become problematic out of embarrassment & shame. I hope that you each may peacefully discuss what goals you hope for in the future. It is appropriate to continue a suitable action plan for both your needs. Do form a plan & review as often as possible. Call this your "one-on-one" time to share hopeful thoughts.
From my own experience with helping & supporting my family during such challenging times: Faith, hope, charity & love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify all for the work.
This hug is for you!
Remiah ❦ hugs!❦
I would also look into getting a social worker to see what might be available to help him if he doesn't have one now... Gentle hug.....xo
I hope that today is a healthy day for you...rest easy. Rest is a great part of healing after surgery. And I hope that you are surrounded with caring family & friends!
♥ HONEY BEAR HUGS ♥