Im soory to hear what you are going through. I have never been through a situation like that exactly, but I can tell you from my angle... my mom and her b/f have been together for about 8 years or so. he has no kids, and I am the oldest of my moms 3. he likes me, but not my brother or sister. he CONSTANTLY trash talks my siblings. its hard for him in my opinion cuz he doesn't know what its like to have kids. does your husband have children?? if not, it may be hard for him to relate, but if so, ask him how he would feel if anyone, let alone his wife talked crap about HIS kids.

we are all human and make mistakes. your husband is no exception. remind him of that. he needs to try and forgive your son. friends come and go. sadly, husbands and wives aslo come and go. your son will be your son for eternity, whether your husband likes it or not, and wheter your son is sober or not. he knew you had kids when he married you, and told you hed stick it out n ggod times and in bad. he needs to stop running his mouth to people. what your son and his step son do is no one elses business.

I think your son has made a change in his life, and sounds like he is in a good place now. maybe try talking to your son and see if maybe hes interested in apologizing and fixing his mistakes. he needs to take responsibility for what hes done. maybe he should pay your husband back?? just an idea.

I wish you all the luck. no one should have to decide between spouse and child.

I totally disagree with the first reply.

Your son is an adult. You enabled him by paying his motel room; why was he staying in a motel?

He stole from your husband to get drugs; your husband has every right to be upset. I'd not let him back into my house, either.

To make matters worse, you sided with you son instead of your husband. Yes, children are your offspring, but they become ADULTS. You don't seem to realize that. And it's a shame that people think husbands come and go... That's why there's such a decline of the family unit. You already had one failed marriage; why rush to have a second?

My suggestion? Side with your husband and practice tough love toward your son. A husband will be your comfort over the next several decades... do you want your son to take that place??? Eeew.

Hard place to be and I hope you all finds ways to solve your conflicts.

I think as a mother we put a buffer up against anything that's going to harm our children, but sometimes that protection can harm them the most. If they only came with neon signs on their foreheads that told us what to do!

I'm glad your son is doing well for himself and hope he stays that.

The one thing I didn't hear is that your son paid your husband back. How can your husband who works hard for his things be forgiving if your son's hand hasn't stretched out yet? You want him to be by your side, you need to be by his in this. Your son did wrong and needs to make restitution on costs and your husbands (men's) pride.

Tell your son because he's making good money now, that he can afford to pay back that equipment. Make him sign a promissory note!

He's growing up Mom help him get closer to it!

I had a headache last night so I realize I was a little harsh last night...

Sorry about your parents. That must have been quite a blow. Maybe you were cozying up to your son to cushion your pain.

Now that it's a new year coming up, maybe you want to have a family meeting and get everyone on the same page. I'd not allow my son to come between my husband. Besides, where's the son's father??? Maybe HE should step in now so you can get your marriage back on track...

Sorry if I am so strong in this; I just thought I needed to be direct.

Hugs.

My boys father just go out of prison. At the age of 45 he decided to become addicted to meth. He has never been there for them and i worked three jobs to keep afloat because he wouldn't pay child support so he is just a piece of crap! My son did give him some money and said he will give him his tax return. Not good enough no one changes he will always be a thief he says. Now my husbands family thinks we shouldn't be legally bound together in case his mother dies and he gets her house which isn't a great house. Anyway they think what if she moves her son in and he steals everything and you go to jail for killing him. This drama has gone to over the top now with his perfect family ( niece became pregnant but, they only did it once) its that kind of perfect family. And don't be sorry for your opinion i really need help with this situation i really have never had to deal with anything like this.

Brittany, have you looked at it from the point of view of: leave your husband's family out of the picture, your son also. Take a step back and think about yourself and your husband as a unit. The happy couple that you believe you are. You both have accumulated personal property some of which may have monetary value but even more so, emotional value. Now imagine your personal property that means a great deal to you, great memories for you and then have is disappear? To find out that it was taken and sold by a family member for whatever reason is a betrayal of trust. Apparently, from what you state, your husband has a strong moral character and would not ever steal from another person. For someone to do this to your husband may not be a forgivable offense. You could certainly understand why he would not want this person in his home ever again.

I certainly do not know what the real family dynamic is between yourself and your husband. For me, if someone betrayed my trust, it would take a very long time for that person to redeem themselves in my eyes, if ever. Could it be that your husband feels you were too dismissive in your son's actions? a bit too forgiving, too quickly?

If you don't want to separate at all, I would take a step back and take a good long look at how all this came about. Never mind what his family thinks. We, as adults can't live our entire lives for our children. I think your son needs to work extra hard to gain your husbands trust! It's up to your son to fix his relationship with this man. Maybe you've worked too hard at trying to reconcile this situation between the both of them. Take a step back and look at the situation from the point of you of the two of you, as a couple without considering family opinion or your sons for the matter.

Well, it's really sad that your son has apparently inherited his dad's addiction issues. Is he being treated? Maybe your husband would be more receptive if your son was in therapy???

As for the house being willed, there's no reason why your DH can't put it in his own provisions that it stays in his family, and not be willed to you and your son... That's fair.

In fact, I really ought to see a lawyer, too. I've got a blended family and we are great, but even so, things get very sticky with divorced situations and death...

Take a deep breath and try to see the big picture.

Hugs.

My step brother had a difficult upbringing and was an addict, and at one point he ransacked my father's house. He smashed the safe (taking thousands) and took everything inside the house including his mother's jewellery and sold it for drugs. Needless to say, my father never talked badly about him to anyone, has bought him cars over the years and has organised work for him several times (including his apprenticeship). He even had him living at the house after the theft.

I know my step brother regrets what he did. He was given numerous chances, and finally got his life on track a few years ago. My father always showed my step brother unconditional love because he loves his wife, and her son is part of her. He used to stay up at night worrying about him, because he hated seeing my step mother hurt.

I tell you all this so that you can understand my perspective.

Basically, I think you need to sit your husband down and make him understand that the love you have for your son is unconditional. He can ask for reparation from him and set boundaries about future behaviour, but at the same time he needs to understand that addictions cause people to do things they normally wouldn't do. He only did this once and he needs to give him a second chance. Your husband needs to choose whether he loves you enough to give your child a chance to recover from his afflictions and help you support him if and when he is in need. By marrying you, he made your children his family.

I'm sorry, but I don't think a good man would not call their wife's children 'scum of the earth' or want to separate over a will. If I was in your position, I'd set boundaries about his behaviour also.

I'm glad your son has gotten better. It's not easy to quit using drugs :-)

In my last paragraph that should say 'I don't think a good man would call their wife's children scum of the earth'.

Yeah pretty close situation here with the stealing brother on drugs. Turns out step dad was just trying to draw attention to my scumb bag brother to draw attention away from himself and the fact he is a pedophile. He would create all kinds of drama around family members for his own reasons and manipulation. Pretty much a psychopath best I can tell. Sorry I felt the way most of the way people responded but in the end yes it is good to have appropriate boundaries around people who steal and use drugs and yes it is good to take a look at your husbands behavior toward someone you care deeply for like your child. Not saying he's a pedophile obviously but I am saying his behavior is concerning. Possibly narcissistic etc.