Hi,

And despite of all that you could even TRY to do, there is nothing that you can personally do to offset her behavior. Because the comforting change has to first pass through her and this has to be entirely by her own acceptance of her inner & outer-self.

No doubt she loves you. And she is aware of how you feel. Yet she has no silver-bullet idea for how to overcome her own low self-esteem in a healthy way. The odd way that she uses her influence over you is done to gain power over you. Can you notice in her moods spontaneous shifting remarks? (Study up on the details of transference & projection). And if it helps to tell you this: she really does believe that you deserve to be loved. Trust me.

Leaving you on the wings of love,



Remiah ~♥~ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ~♥~

I think she is jealous of you, just a thought?

Hang in there! She sounds like a terror. I know you are young, but have you ever thought that maybe no relationship was better then a bad one? Eventually she will want to come back into your life once she calms down.

Big hug for you muggle.... I am so very sorry you are being hurt so much..... I agree with wearefamily..... Boundaries sound like they're necessary if you don't want to continue being hurt.... If you can get into some cognitive type of therapy to help you work through the pain and get to a place where you can have boundaries and some coping tools for the hurt.... She sounds like a nasty piece of work and this comes from within her.... I doubt it has anything to do with you sweetie... You're just her 'whipping boy' ya know..... You've accomplished some awesome things!!.... xo

I am extremely sorry you are being treated this way by your own mother! I am not a therapist just a floral mgr. but I can tell you what I did. My mom had 2 girls. My sister was 7 years older. She was the girl. I was my dad's son...Tomboy! My family was split in half. Every Sunday I would go fishing with my dad. While my mom stayed home cooking,cleaning,gardening and drinking. She was an alcoholic. I would ask to help in the kitchen and she would tell me to go away. I would just make a mess. They got divorced when I was 9. I went back and forth till I became a foster at the age of 16. Fast forward to my late 40's. I finally went to see a therapist. She told me my mom was a narcissistic person that fought with bulumia and alcoholism. That both of my parents were perfectionists!
My mom did not hug me and show me love. I was a.fat kid and remember coming home in tears because the kids called me names!She would tell me to go to the kitchen and she would give me a big piece of cake with milk. She taught me to self soothe with food. And if food was not available I was to bury my feelings. My dad was not much better. He married a woman who used to beat me physically and leave welts. When I would tell him he would give me money. Hush money!
Sometimes I would just sit with my therapist and cry. I felt very unloved. My sister would call from out of state and ask me to call mom. I would always tell her no you call her, she is your mom. I tried a few times. She did not want to talk. That is when it clicked for me. In a perfect world, we all would have had perfect families where love abounds. But that didn't happen. So one day I decided. If you have someone in your life that does not return your love,belittles you,makes you miserable,does not want to talk and figure things out....You need to walk away and save yourself. And it is not being selfish. My therpist did the tapping kind of therapy. She taught me to close my eyes and count steps down in a basement in my safe place. It was this beautiful home with huge gardens on a lake on an island. In the basement which was very homey,she asked who was there. It was me at about 3 yrs old. Lost and unloved. She would tell me to hold her and assure her she was loved and I would always protect her. After these sessions, I learned that we are all lovable people. We need to love ourselves. If we have a family member that acts hostile to us, there is no law that says we have to succumb ourselves to needless hurt. I stopped calling my mom. She never looked for me. But I am ok with it. It was her problem not mine. I found plenty of love from my friends moms. I hope in some small way this has helped. You are not alone. Hugs and prayers...

Im sorry that I may not be able to help, but I did want to tell you I understand in a small way what you are going through and I understand how bewildering and how hurtful it is, and Im sending you hugs xx

Very sorry you are going through this, You sound like a very connected and well balanced person. you say that you don't know why you care but that you do. She is your mother, and mothers are expected to be and behave in a certain way. She is not doing that, she is not showing you love and she is treating you like a burden. It is not uncommon for parents to see their children as a burden after a divorce. Children when they are little, affect every fiber of a marriage. To me it sounds like there is something unresolved in her and it sounds like it could come from the divorce. I personally went through something like that. Even thoug it only lasted a few months, one of my children trigger very deponent and mean behavior towards him. He always defended his dad, he always cherished his dad and I wanted to "kill" his dad. It was only until I went to therapy that I was able to understand the situation and I was able to successfully work it out. So, the bottom line, is that this has nothing to do with you, this is her problem. you are in the middle and it socks but it is not you or about you.
Have you ever tried to talk about this with her? I will give it a shot, awareness can really make people come back to their senses. If it does not work out and you say you are making good money I will consider moving out. Get a place you can share with roommates and that could be a chance. you don't have to carry with your moms problems when you seem so centered and emotionally balanced.