Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I wanted to get this off my chest and hopefully get some opinions from people on the outside. If you are a very strong family person, you may not like what I have to say...
I feel that I am often forced to live with the mistakes of my mother. I, myself, am her biggest mistake. She chose to have unsafe sex with my father and ended up with me because of it. She lived in a trailer and made about minimum wage....
My father was a useless deadbeat and I have never seen him once, not even in a photograph. My mother reminded me of the suffering I caused her for many, many years - up until I became an adult.
When I was eight, my mother remarried another deadbeat and thought, "I hardly make enough money to pay bills, I should make another kid." Her second mistake is my little sister. Ever since she was born, my mother has expressed to me how much more important she is than I am. I suppose it's a matter of being the wanted and planned child...
My little sister has been labeled as "autistic" and because of that, my mother apparently believes that she will never be able to live a real life - a life with a career, and goals, and dreams, and even a husband. I have met plenty of autistic adults who manage just fine in the real world. In fact, many of them are far more intelligent than I am.
My mother believes that it is my job and duty to take care of my sister when she passes. This infuriates me. I hate children and have no desire to have any (not even big, grown up children) - so, why would I want to take in a child whom my mother has raised to believe she is entitled to everything and should not have to work for anything?
My sister believes the rules do not apply to her - she believes this because people (my mother and her teachers) let her get away with bad behavior and don't bother to teach her any self respect or discipline. Autistic or not, children should not be raised believing they can do and get whatever they want "just because".
When my mother brings this up, I just walk away. I refuse to take care of my sister - she is not my responsibility. She did not come out of me and I did not participate in making her. Why should I have to take care of a child that is not mine? Why should I have to suffer because my mother makes horrible decisions and raises her child to be a selfish brat?
I feel that I am often forced to live with the mistakes of my mother. I, myself, am her biggest mistake. She chose to have unsafe sex with my father and ended up with me because of it. She lived in a trailer and made about minimum wage....
My father was a useless deadbeat and I have never seen him once, not even in a photograph. My mother reminded me of the suffering I caused her for many, many years - up until I became an adult.
When I was eight, my mother remarried another deadbeat and thought, "I hardly make enough money to pay bills, I should make another kid." Her second mistake is my little sister. Ever since she was born, my mother has expressed to me how much more important she is than I am. I suppose it's a matter of being the wanted and planned child...
My little sister has been labeled as "autistic" and because of that, my mother apparently believes that she will never be able to live a real life - a life with a career, and goals, and dreams, and even a husband. I have met plenty of autistic adults who manage just fine in the real world. In fact, many of them are far more intelligent than I am.
My mother believes that it is my job and duty to take care of my sister when she passes. This infuriates me. I hate children and have no desire to have any (not even big, grown up children) - so, why would I want to take in a child whom my mother has raised to believe she is entitled to everything and should not have to work for anything?
My sister believes the rules do not apply to her - she believes this because people (my mother and her teachers) let her get away with bad behavior and don't bother to teach her any self respect or discipline. Autistic or not, children should not be raised believing they can do and get whatever they want "just because".
When my mother brings this up, I just walk away. I refuse to take care of my sister - she is not my responsibility. She did not come out of me and I did not participate in making her. Why should I have to take care of a child that is not mine? Why should I have to suffer because my mother makes horrible decisions and raises her child to be a selfish brat?
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grill tonight with charcoal.....turned out good but had some stuff that I had to feed to Belle and Happy because it was grissley. it tasted pretty good and was a perfect mid rare....
Your sister is not your responsibility even if she has autism. I would think that you would try to help her if she needs you but you certainly are not required to take care of her. There are probably programs with the state and county that can assist your sister. Think of yourself first. Get your education and surround yourself with good, caring people. You deserve it.
best of luck to you,
--EJ
However, why do you put quotes around "autistic?" Do you not believe the dx? Who did it, a doctor or psych? If she is, why should she have to suffer, too?
Any way to make sure she's getting services so she's got a fair shot at success in life? That way, you don't have to worry about her once your mom kicks off.
You can always call CPS if she's not providing for her special needs child and maybe your sister could become awarded to the state. That's harsh, but then she'd not be your problem, either.
I'd also get some therapy. You sound very bitter. Maybe justly so, but I feel bad for your sister if she's actually special needs- a mom who's horrible and a sibling who sounds very disengaged.
Sorry for your situation.
You still shouldn't have to take care of her though. And if you mother dies, you don't have to. She would be placed in foster care.
My 11 year old son also had autism.He has had theray since 2 years old.He is in Gen ed classes and has the same curriculum as everyone else,just some assignments are shortened.He even auditioned for honor choir this year and made it(which is even more impressive because until he had surgery at three he was mostly deaf in one ear and barely spoke).He is also in cub scouts.When he does something wrong...he gets grounded and has things taken from him.He knows the rules and knows he is expected to follow them.
Having autism is NOT an excuse to behave however you want and get away with everything and your mother is doing a huge disservice to your sister by letting her believe it is.I don't know where on the spectrum your sister falls,but a good,fullfillng life doesn't just have to mean a high paying job.There is no telling what your sister could be capable of if given the chance.
You aren't responsible for her,but please try to remember she has no control over being autistic,and while she may like getting away with things the way your mother is raising her is just as unfair to her as it is to you.Your mother needs counseling to help her with her ignorance.I hope you will someday be able to not have resentment toward your sister for your mother's bad decisions and even if you do not take over care for her (which again you are not obligated to do regardless of what your mother says),you can still have some kind of relationship in the future.
It's such a disservice to people on the spectrum to just lump them into a category and discount them. The label of Autistic is NOT an excuse to not discipline a child. The child either may NOT have the actual DX and now you just ruined a kid, OR, the child may totally get lost b/c people don't think of the student as teachable and just push them through and wait for society to "deal" with them. SO horrible.
She obviously needs wrap around services and better training on how to negotiate the situation. Does your sister have an IEP? Did you read through the (sometimes) 80 plus pages? What are the goals? What does your mother say about your sister? What about the teachers?
I think a lot is missing from the story...
I agree that some counseling might help and you can pick up the tools needed to assert your boundaries and dealing with difficult people/situation.