I know this common, I know I am not the first person to ever despise their mother in law. So let me give you some background and then ask your advice on how to deal with this. I do not want to sound petty but sometimes the best advice is from a stranger.

First things first, my husband's mother is the typical mother in law in most ways, smile in your face, talk behind your back, calls nonstop, meddles in your business, etc. She constantly insults me in the open or just interrupts anything I say to begin talking about herself. i.e. I told her a family member passed away and she began to talk about what she was going to eat (& yes she heard me).That I can learn to ignore, because my husband knows she is a heartless person & it does not affect the type of heart we have. It is the emotional scars she has caused my husband that make me despise her. I am not a hateful person and find love for everyone in my heart but I just cannot seem to shake these feelings... Please help me, help him. I need guidance...

I could write a book about the pain she's caused in my 7 years of knowing her but I will just summarize. He is one of 4 children. He is the 2nd oldest. The oldest is a repeat felon who is a violent drug-addict. Ever since by husband was a child he has charges from attempted murder to countless drug & assault charges. No matter what the case is, his mother bailed him out. Even if it meant the lights got cut off. They even went bankrupt to settle a lawsuit made against them by a girl whom he paralyzed in an accident. On other occasions she stole money from my husband to send his brother money in jail which ultimately led to the repossession of my husband's truck. He grew up seeing her bring countless men into the house behind his father's back. He grew up being her crutch listening to her talk about leaving his dad, how she could not afford to pay the bills. He was a child & he listened and carried her burdens. As a teenager, he helped pay the bills. He sat through Christmases where the younger children had many boxes under the tree, but nothing for him because "he was 13 now, & his younger siblings deserved nice Christmases"

She has since left his father to be with a married man with money. She now tries to continue to ask my husband to carry her places and do for her...He is grown, we live almost an hour away and he has his own burdens but she tries to buy him and disguise her motives and guilt-trip him with phone calls and sweet messages. When he does not respond she then tries to call and message me. I do not feel that it is my place to say anything but I continue to watch him hurt for a mother he never had....what do I do? my heart hearts. I hate her for the pain she has caused him...

It is his mother, I can not honestly tell him to rid her out of our life but she is toxic... I have encouraged him to talk to her on several occasions but he knows she will not change, so he continues to take her calls & answer her whims....