Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I read these other stories and I so, so empathize with others who had horrible mothers. My mother was not horrible, but I wrote to her last month and told her that after 50 years, I am finally cutting her out of my life. She and my siblings were extremely angry with me and told me they were no longer interested in talking to me either. To which I responded, "ok, how is that any different than what it has been for most of my life?"
The final straw was my mother's 80th birthday party where EVERYONE was invited - my 6 brothers and sisters, their wives and significant others, their children and grandchildren, aunts, uncles, other relatives, and long-time friends of the family. Everyone, that is, except one - you guessed it, me. Do you know how it feels to get all dressed up and have nowhere to go? Well that was literally what happened. They just never told me where the party was. I found out later that it was at the Hilton downtown. But the conspiracy was so thorough that NONE of my relatives gave me any of the details, not even posting it on Facebook.
When I asked my sister later why they had done this, she said that it wasn't my mother, it was my oldest brother. To which I responded "John does everything Mom tells him to do. When she saw that I wasn't there, why didn't she just call me or have someone else call me?" -- No response. The obvious answer is that my mother did not want me there.
Things like this have been going on since I was a child. Birth order could be a factor, but I think pettiness and jealousy play a part. I am a very successful attorney who is well-loved in my social circles. I have done nothing except help all of my family members when they had major crises in their lives, financially, and otherwise. I left home when I was 17 and never asked any of them for anything, except one occassion. When I came back home to study for the bar exam I asked my mother if my wife and child could stay with her for a few months while I studied for the bar. That lasted two weeks before she put us out for the grave offense of "having a child with a bad attitude." I had to scramble for a place to live weeks before taking the bar. I never asked her or any other family member for anything else again.
My mother was not a bad mom, but I need to finally, finally move on with my life.
The final straw was my mother's 80th birthday party where EVERYONE was invited - my 6 brothers and sisters, their wives and significant others, their children and grandchildren, aunts, uncles, other relatives, and long-time friends of the family. Everyone, that is, except one - you guessed it, me. Do you know how it feels to get all dressed up and have nowhere to go? Well that was literally what happened. They just never told me where the party was. I found out later that it was at the Hilton downtown. But the conspiracy was so thorough that NONE of my relatives gave me any of the details, not even posting it on Facebook.
When I asked my sister later why they had done this, she said that it wasn't my mother, it was my oldest brother. To which I responded "John does everything Mom tells him to do. When she saw that I wasn't there, why didn't she just call me or have someone else call me?" -- No response. The obvious answer is that my mother did not want me there.
Things like this have been going on since I was a child. Birth order could be a factor, but I think pettiness and jealousy play a part. I am a very successful attorney who is well-loved in my social circles. I have done nothing except help all of my family members when they had major crises in their lives, financially, and otherwise. I left home when I was 17 and never asked any of them for anything, except one occassion. When I came back home to study for the bar exam I asked my mother if my wife and child could stay with her for a few months while I studied for the bar. That lasted two weeks before she put us out for the grave offense of "having a child with a bad attitude." I had to scramble for a place to live weeks before taking the bar. I never asked her or any other family member for anything else again.
My mother was not a bad mom, but I need to finally, finally move on with my life.
You deserve to be treated better by your family. It is sad that family chose one child and leave them out of family gatherings.
I went no contact with my mother and sister in Jan. after
trying everything I could think of to have a better relation ship with them. They don't want me and my son in their lives.
I explained how I felt. I haven't heard anything from them I don't miss the negative energy and the drama. It is sad that we are put in these situations and have to decide what is the best thing us to do. I believe the stress they cause can l affect our health. You have come to the right place. We can relate to what you are going through.
I can tell you that because I had one too. She disliked anyone I dated, she tried to take over the raising of my son and it gets much worse from there.
Just like my mom, your mom used a broom for transportation.
my mom hates bdays she says her mother was so mean and hateful look where she gets it from! i hate telling her happy bday it's not meant from the heart anyway but as long as i get something out of it
My mind put a whole block on a part of my childhood and I had no idea why. So I brought my mom to live with me when I was an adult and she had kids trying to break into her place when she was right inside it. She sold her place, pocketed the money and moved in with me. It began to slowly go bad. I was totally supporting her and she was paying nothing while living with me.
She would do strange things and be rotten with me and it didn't seem right. She was getting worse and I tried to get her to leave my home and she wouldn't. Just years ago I had an accident and after a week in the hospital, I came home disabled and unable to walk without a walker and mom had turned into a predator, hitting me with things, torturing me and hurting me. She wouldn't leave my home.
Eventually I got a call to the Adult Protective Services (APS) for my state and they came out on a surprise call and she punched me in front of them. I had bruises on me. They made her leave and made her take the courses that men take who abuse their wives. My mom was furious and said it was all lies. She even denied punching me right in front of the APS guy that he saw.
She then began stalking me and I kept going to court about it and the judge kept tightening up protective orders.
I went into therapy and the therapist was good and eventually I was comfortable around him and had a flashback and my memory block lifted and I remembered all my childhood. My mom used to beat me with a paddle until it broke for any reason, because she was down, because my hair wasn't like she wanted, because she was in a bad mood, etc. She was constantly beating me. My brain had been kind enough to block all this for most of my life, but now I knew the whole truth. AND I BROUGHT MY ABUSER IN TO LIVE WITH ME AS AN ADULT. Oh, if I had only known. I have PTSD with flashbacks as a result of my mom and the flashbacks are her beating me as a child and while in the flashback I feel the pain so intensely that it really hurts.
Eventually she stopped stalking me, and the police told me that someone probably told her that the judge was going to reach a point of putting her in for a 72 hour evaluation in the mental hospital and I know that would have scared her bad--because they would have found problems. So she stopped everything, left me alone.
She died last year and I truly hope she finally found peace and happiness now that she has passed.
I can only tell you that so much happened as an adult that I just overlooked that I shouldn't. I gave the benefit of the doubt too many times. Her behavior towards me was unacceptable and I let it slide and I should not have. When she needed to leave my place, she wouldn't go and I didn't make her leave. I should have put her out and changed the locks and called the taxi to take her to a shelter.
She needed professional help and refused all offers of help from APS, from the Police Crisis Intervention that arrived after APS, and from the one agency that helped older people. They all said something was wrong with her. But I believe no one wanted to write up paperwork to go before a judge to do a 72 hour hold in the mental institution on an elderly lady. So they turned her loose and that's when she stalked me.
Take the blinders off and see your mom truly as she is. It is not always easy, but you owe it to yourself because you want to live a normal life. It's taken me quite a while to work through it (and I haven't mentioned everything my mom did and it would raise your hair), but I've kept going. Don't tolerate the bad stuff, get your distance from her, and your revenge is to live a great life. Many hugs.
When I married this second time years ago my mother didn't like him. All the relatives on my mother's side were coming for my little sisters wedding and there was a family dinner at the family home. I was uninvited but I could come get food after the dinner. I did and never told my then H about that dinner. The rest of my siblings had places in the wedding but not be. I was barely an invited guest.
I walked everywhere in town. Mother never had the time to take us anywhere but she did the two youngest. I also cooked supper every night but mother did pay me a $1.00 a day for that. When my dad died mother divided up his possessions between my siblings. When she asked me what I wanted she told me what she gave the others. There was nothing left for me and I kept a blue plastic rose from his grave for a long time.
If it hadn't been for my dad my life would have been miserable. At 17 he had me work on weekends running two cash registers in his bar. He kept a close eye on me and it really was the best thing he could have done for me. When everyone else got a raise I didn't get one and dad was angry at mother because of that.
I can understand now what the problem was. When mom died my baby sister went thru her papers and it seems dad wasn't my dad and I wasn't a t---- like the others. My mom had been married for a short time and found that he was still married when he thought his divorce was final. True or not who knows. That man died in CA and I don't even know his name. Mom didn't know she was pregnant with me until she got back home. This came from an aunt my sister talked to. My dad is on my birth certificate. They all took great pleasure in telling me this. I haven't talked to them in years. I go thru life not knowing my roots and who my real father is. I can understand why my mother might not have liked me. How she might have felt I ruined her life. Did she love my dad, who knows but she married him.
Epic, I don't think you have reached that yet.
family that don't think they did anything wrong. I hope and pray that things get better between you and your family. You are a caring person.
I hope your family realizes this. I think part of loving our selves is doing what we need to do to have peace in our lives.