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My mom doesnt act like a mom

MichelleBelle
MichelleBelle
Im the oldest of 4. Im 20years old. I have a sister who is 18, and two brother who are 13&14.

I just recently moved back home after leaving my fiance and my siblings are totally out of control. But my mom does nothing about it.

My mom has a depression problem (thats obvious). And I have talked to her about it. She agrees she has one but will do nothing about it. She lays around all day and does nothing.

The kids do whatever they want. They walk all over her and she buys them whatever they want. The boys do nothing but sit on the xbox all day and make messes. My sister stays gone with her friends all the time because she hates being home. Dad works all the time because he cant stand being home. The house is always a disaster because the boys refuse to clean anything. I cant stand the messes. It is giving me horrible anxiety.

I have talked to my mom about it and she just gets pissed at me and tells me i need to mind my own buisness and let her deal with it. But she never does. I try to get them to clean and they throw fits and go crying to mom. they have even gotten so pissed they have punched holes in the walls.

My dad has tried talking to her too and she just plays it off like she is trying but they just dont listen. My mom and dad tell me im being bossy and i need to back off, but she isnt doing anything about them. Im at a loss. I dont know what else to do.
BuffyS
BuffyS
Your mom has shut down. Sounds like her depression has paralyzed her into inaction. This really isn't your problem, it's your father's. If he can't or won't step up and take control of the household, things won't get better. Your mom probably needs medication and therapy and your brothers need serious discipline.

It's hard to watch, I'm sure, but the truth is you aren't going to be able to do anything yourself. If the boys don't respect mom, they're certainly not going to respect you either.

Try to talk to your dad and offer whatever assistance you feel comfortable providing--helping locate a therapist or taking your mom out to lunch once a week, whatever.

I know it's hard to watch and it's sad, but really this is your parents' situation.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I do agree with Buffy, however you CAN and IMHO NEED to seek outside intervention. I do agree that she needs some serious help and someone has to step in. If she wont and your dad wont then you have to seek help anywhere you can. Call your local mental health facility, next DHS or children services. She is responsible for the kind of men she raises in this world and sounds like she is setting them up from prison or death. You can do it hun. Their health and safety is more important that your relationship. HONEST....Good luck!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes I agree with buffy too that your Dad really needs to do something. Your brothers are old enough, why dont you take them out of the house, and have a chat with them too. Say that your mum is exhausted and they need to help her out a little, they are old enough to have some responsibilties around the house, maybe you could talk to your dad and get him to get the boys some house hold responsibility. sometimes routine can make a huge difference in behaviour, Maybe they act up because of boredom?

Go to your local doctor/health clinic/community centre etc and collect some information on Depression and give it to your parents to read, it might help give them some direction as to what to do.

Best wishes
deleted_user
deleted_user
she said her mom and dad called her bossy and told her to back off, I dont think they are going to listen to her. No one wants to listen to someone younger than them. She is going to have to make a move. Yes it is her dads place but he is obviously enabling her mom by just staying gone....
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think I would try and find out the source of her depression. Is housework overwhelming? Is husband cheating or not supportative?
Is she menopause age? Ask these tough questions and then get her 4 hours a week cleaning help if possible. Convince her to go to her doctor for a check up. Do what you can at home to help keep things tidy and help with cooking and cleaning up. As a person who has had only 3 children I do know how overwhelming it can all be especially at a certain time of life. You sound like a very caring daughter and she should be proud of you. Good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I disagree totally with the mothers job being the ones to raise boys right... hello, what a stigma, its both parents JOBS... however, pointing fingers as to what isn't being done or to whats gonna happen isn't helping. Being a caring individualy is whats going to make the difference! Calling for outside guidance from your mental health clinic can be the first step. There are many reasons as to why someone shuts down. Blaming just one person however, i don't think is a wise thing to do...