Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
For a great part of my life, my dad was in it, at his leisure-when he was present, he was great but most of the time he wasn't. I now have a four year old who adores my dad and, up until this point I have tolerated my dad so that my son could have a relationship with him. He often drinks and when he does, he tends to get mean. We have had some issues lately with him and I getting My son over there for a night, he has cancelled on me the last 2 times. Yesterday I had told him that I was going to send my son over to his other grandpas house because he is leaving monday to korea for 5 years. When I explained what and why my dad sent me this text message
"Really? Cancelling again? So Adrians last second planning somehow trumps the plans we've made a week ago"
Adrian is my sons father and yes he did tell me last minute and yes I did give him a hard time about it but I made that call because his was going to be gone for 5 years...
he goes on to write " I don't care if adrians dad is going to mars tomorrow! how hard is it to say we already have plans with pappy and wanda. This has become a joke and we questioned if Aiden would actually show up tonight. Lets take a break and when you think you can follow through contact me"
The crazy part is the last 2 times he cancelled on ME, he has in the past put me and my 6 moth old out on the street to fend for ourselves- when is enough, enough. I begged him this morning not to let his pride trump his love and sent me a text saying : "we have made other plans, maybe next week will be better" not something came up or something like that - we have decided to make other plans. I am a single mother going through a divorce- working a full time job and full time student- I have enough stresses in my life, I don't need this added stress- my son adores him and his heart breaks when my cancels or plays games like this, but he is young enough when I can turn my back on my dad and he won't be that affected- I feel like my job as a parent is to protect him, and exposing him to this every weekend is rough on him- he is my dad and it hurts that i am always having to vie for his attention. should I turn my back on him? Its so hard to make that decision but if my dad really wanted to be in our lives, would he act like this?
"Really? Cancelling again? So Adrians last second planning somehow trumps the plans we've made a week ago"
Adrian is my sons father and yes he did tell me last minute and yes I did give him a hard time about it but I made that call because his was going to be gone for 5 years...
he goes on to write " I don't care if adrians dad is going to mars tomorrow! how hard is it to say we already have plans with pappy and wanda. This has become a joke and we questioned if Aiden would actually show up tonight. Lets take a break and when you think you can follow through contact me"
The crazy part is the last 2 times he cancelled on ME, he has in the past put me and my 6 moth old out on the street to fend for ourselves- when is enough, enough. I begged him this morning not to let his pride trump his love and sent me a text saying : "we have made other plans, maybe next week will be better" not something came up or something like that - we have decided to make other plans. I am a single mother going through a divorce- working a full time job and full time student- I have enough stresses in my life, I don't need this added stress- my son adores him and his heart breaks when my cancels or plays games like this, but he is young enough when I can turn my back on my dad and he won't be that affected- I feel like my job as a parent is to protect him, and exposing him to this every weekend is rough on him- he is my dad and it hurts that i am always having to vie for his attention. should I turn my back on him? Its so hard to make that decision but if my dad really wanted to be in our lives, would he act like this?
I'd email your father and air it all out. How the previous times, it was HE who cancelled. I'd also say that you will NEVER leave your son alone with him again because of his drinking.
And YES, btw, parents DO trump grandparents. If he can't understand that his paternal grandpa is leaving for FIVE years, then that's HIS issue.
Why every weekend, anyway? I've NEVER had a babysitter for my child... ever. I was a single mom for five years.
BTW- my parents are so toxic, I've had to put it in a court order that all contact with them regarding my daughter has to go through ME. (My ex once took her to see them on his time, and I almost lost it. Lied about it, too!)
This is about your dad's drinking, not about plans changing. You have to make that clear. Of course, he'll gas light and twist it to make it your issue, but that may just give you the space you need.
I think Deli is right, you should talk to your father about moving forward in the future and setting up specific dates/times for visiting and both parties need to adhere to the original plans.