Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Where do I begin and what do I do?
My Dad is not a good person, he spent 20 years in prison. He has been out of prison now about 19 years, he is 79. When he got out of prison, he as lucky a woman he dated back in the day took him in. Up until two weeks ago, he had been living very comfortably with her. He got physical with her and she put him out and cannot go back. he has burned all his bridges where no one wants to deal with him. We just got back on speaking terms after 2 years. He is now staying a homeless shelter for veterans. I cannot take him in, as I do not live by myself. My brother and him are not on speaking terms either and he cannot go there. He is a horrible person and I feel bad.
In the two weeks he has been in a shelter, he has been to the hospital twice, once because they thought he was having a heart attack, and he other time because something must have bit him and his face swelled up.
I gave him $100 two weeks ago but, I cannot afford to give him money like that. on a regular basis.
I don't want to deal with this but, no child wants to see a parent homeless.
The VA will try to get him section 8 but this man does not know how live, he has lived off women his entire life.
Help
My Dad is not a good person, he spent 20 years in prison. He has been out of prison now about 19 years, he is 79. When he got out of prison, he as lucky a woman he dated back in the day took him in. Up until two weeks ago, he had been living very comfortably with her. He got physical with her and she put him out and cannot go back. he has burned all his bridges where no one wants to deal with him. We just got back on speaking terms after 2 years. He is now staying a homeless shelter for veterans. I cannot take him in, as I do not live by myself. My brother and him are not on speaking terms either and he cannot go there. He is a horrible person and I feel bad.
In the two weeks he has been in a shelter, he has been to the hospital twice, once because they thought he was having a heart attack, and he other time because something must have bit him and his face swelled up.
I gave him $100 two weeks ago but, I cannot afford to give him money like that. on a regular basis.
I don't want to deal with this but, no child wants to see a parent homeless.
The VA will try to get him section 8 but this man does not know how live, he has lived off women his entire life.
Help
He's always lived off women because he always found one to clean up his mess. This should NOT be you. He'll just have to deal with it. You said he's not a good person, so this is Karma in action.
DO NOT give him any more money. A woman beater should not get that type of aid.
You want to help him? Tell him you'll pray for him. Help him (if you want) by assisting him to help himself by taking him to look for jobs so he can start contributing to society. Who cares that he won't get paid much... My taxes paid for his jail and now he needs to give back.
If you choose to try to help him, however much or little, you risk getting hurt. He has shown that he hurts those who try to help him.
I would stay away. I know it is hard to turn your back on someone you know to be suffering, especially when it is a relative. But in this situation, I doubt there's anything you could really do anyway. He is a grown man, who has spent his life being a taker, not a giver, or so it sounds like.
If he is a Veteran he has services available to him. Because of his age he should qualify for social security benefits, and if he was in the military (especially if he is a wartime veteran) he might even get his military pension? It's up to him to improve his life. You can't do that for him.
Teach him how to live on whatever assistance he is given so you don't have to sacrifice things you work hard for to give him money. At 80 years old, its about time to learn how to do things for himself rather than mooch off of everyone else.
You have gotten some good advice here. Pray for him. Give him birthday cards and accept his collect telephone calls. Take him to a nice dinner when you have some extra cash. But for God's sake, let him accept responsibility for himself, for better or worse.
He is lucky to have such a lovely, caring daughter,
--EJ