Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My oldest daughter has been paranoid that I'm talking behind her back although it's clear to my husband that I am doing no such thing. There is a particular family member, for sake of privacy I'll call her A. My daughter seems angry and paranoid that I'm speaking to A behind her back at family functions. I've tried to keep any conversation with A short and sweet, however she'll often come sit next to me, or sit next to me at the family table. I agree A tends to be a gossip, but I'm aware of that. Other than to point blank let her know I can't speak to A at family functions (or anywhere else), which would cause a brohaha, what am I supposed to do?
Make a list of everything that you find great about your daughter (maybe she's a good cook, has a good heart, cares about animals...whatever)
Also make a list of all the things that she seems to want to think about HERSELF (most of us have this list in our heads...often of stuff that goes back to childhood...)
Then if/when the subject of your daughter comes up...you've got a ready list of subject to talk about.
Next key is how you talk about them. Instead of saying, "Jane doesn't believe me, but..."
Instead say "I've probably never told Jane nearly enough how great she is with kids..." etc.
In general, act like the Proud Parent of a school aged kid bragging about all of their accomplishments. (It never fails to amaze me how I can turn my teenagers into mush by bragging about them.) I don't think that we ever outgrow the wish to have made our parents proud.
A couple of reasons, right now you're hurt and focusing on that hurt. (Which is natural....and totally understandable, but it's not going to help the relationship.)
We tend to see the things that we look for. We also tend to give off body language clues to those feelings.
Think of the parents of teens that make things escalate by getting upset by the "look" in their children's eyes. I have teens...I can do this at will. Literally their "look" and "my look back" can start a HUGE fight.
Back when my son was in kindergarten, he got suspended (looong story). Teachers were throwing around words like Oppositional Defiance Disorder (basically pipeline to prison). I decided that if I was only going to have a few years with my son, that I might as well enjoy them. So I started relentlessly looking for the best in him. Our relationship improved not overnight, but slowly and continually.