Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hello Everyone,
If you already read my previous post you already understand my narcissist issue with my natural afro-textured hair( I'm African-American and Haitian). I was ready to go to job interview but since I don't have a car I had to wait for my father to take me to work. My mom yelled at me for the way my hair looked. I put my hair into two neat french braids with the ends tucked and pin. My mom told me that I wasn't. If it weren't for the fact that I didn't have a car I would of just left because I'm an adult (23 years). She came behind me and proceeded rip my braids out with her bare hands like she was trying to claw at my scalp. I told her to let go but she used both her hands to yank my hair to the point were my neck felt like it would snap backwards. I was scared for my life. She was smiling at me while doing this and said "You don't know who your messing with". She did this in front my 2 year old niece, who she and my father custody over, and she was scared and started yelling "STOP". Since I'm not a fighter, I just told her that I would listen to me. I proceeded to get my phone quickly and stormed of outside to call the police.
While I was taking to the police, my enabling father came out and said in anger "I wouldn't think you would ever call the cops on your own mother" Wouldn't any normal human call for help if they felt that there life was being threaten. My kept saying how ugly I looked( Dad's words: JUST LOOK AT YOUR F***ING HAIR) and how I didn't know anything in front the cops. The cops told him that I looked professional and that my hair looks fine.
*SIDE NOTE: I find it funny that the only people who loved the way my hair looked were, for the most part, Caucasian and weren't related to me. It goes to show that show you that most black(American,West Indies, African,etc.) have deep self-loathing for how they look and can only project their hatred on to other black people, including their children. But I digress.
My little niece, the sweetheart that she is, sat with me on the steps see to if I was okay. The police officer gave me a copy of the police report and left. All he told me do was to relax and to take a walk. I was afraid to go back inside so I took with my messy hair, my phone and my police report and went to the library. I informed my job agency that I needed to reschedule. I called my friend hung out with her.She the only close friend and is completely of my situation at home. I feel much better now. I felt guilty for calling because rarely call anyone on my contact list. I always had trouble maintain friendships due to trust, but she seems to be the only one I can trust with my emotions. Besides my neck I feel completely though when I came to my room I see a lot of my stuff was thrown around.
Do you guys suggest making a plan of some sought to prepare a situation like this? My only plan right is to put all the change I have into a metro-card so I wouldn't even confront my parents about any job offers. Also, should I have some sort of safety lock or learn some type of self-defense. My mom is not as tall as me but she is really strong. This is the 3rd time in my adult were she was being physical towards me but it never escalated to this level.
Thank You,
DayDreamer2122
If you already read my previous post you already understand my narcissist issue with my natural afro-textured hair( I'm African-American and Haitian). I was ready to go to job interview but since I don't have a car I had to wait for my father to take me to work. My mom yelled at me for the way my hair looked. I put my hair into two neat french braids with the ends tucked and pin. My mom told me that I wasn't. If it weren't for the fact that I didn't have a car I would of just left because I'm an adult (23 years). She came behind me and proceeded rip my braids out with her bare hands like she was trying to claw at my scalp. I told her to let go but she used both her hands to yank my hair to the point were my neck felt like it would snap backwards. I was scared for my life. She was smiling at me while doing this and said "You don't know who your messing with". She did this in front my 2 year old niece, who she and my father custody over, and she was scared and started yelling "STOP". Since I'm not a fighter, I just told her that I would listen to me. I proceeded to get my phone quickly and stormed of outside to call the police.
While I was taking to the police, my enabling father came out and said in anger "I wouldn't think you would ever call the cops on your own mother" Wouldn't any normal human call for help if they felt that there life was being threaten. My kept saying how ugly I looked( Dad's words: JUST LOOK AT YOUR F***ING HAIR) and how I didn't know anything in front the cops. The cops told him that I looked professional and that my hair looks fine.
*SIDE NOTE: I find it funny that the only people who loved the way my hair looked were, for the most part, Caucasian and weren't related to me. It goes to show that show you that most black(American,West Indies, African,etc.) have deep self-loathing for how they look and can only project their hatred on to other black people, including their children. But I digress.
My little niece, the sweetheart that she is, sat with me on the steps see to if I was okay. The police officer gave me a copy of the police report and left. All he told me do was to relax and to take a walk. I was afraid to go back inside so I took with my messy hair, my phone and my police report and went to the library. I informed my job agency that I needed to reschedule. I called my friend hung out with her.She the only close friend and is completely of my situation at home. I feel much better now. I felt guilty for calling because rarely call anyone on my contact list. I always had trouble maintain friendships due to trust, but she seems to be the only one I can trust with my emotions. Besides my neck I feel completely though when I came to my room I see a lot of my stuff was thrown around.
Do you guys suggest making a plan of some sought to prepare a situation like this? My only plan right is to put all the change I have into a metro-card so I wouldn't even confront my parents about any job offers. Also, should I have some sort of safety lock or learn some type of self-defense. My mom is not as tall as me but she is really strong. This is the 3rd time in my adult were she was being physical towards me but it never escalated to this level.
Thank You,
DayDreamer2122
Go to a women's shelter and ask for help and advice.
Treat your house as if it were an abusive husband. And join the physical abuse board on DS
Best of luck.
As for her rage, I looked online and found the term 'Narcissistic Rage' which is define as irrational anger towards minor things(i.e. hair, spilled milk, etc.). The more you challenge them the more angry they get. I feel sorry for other adults who have parents like this because when you try to tell others about your narcissistic they put up front, which makes the children look like the 'crazy ones'. What kills about narcissist is that they never apologize for their actions or at least not give an honest apology. She still didn't apologize for her 'I wish you weren't ever born' comment from a year ago.
I will say that I try to remind my niece everyday that my mom and dad's behavior is not normal and the way they speak to her sometimes is not nice. Though the best solution is to go not contact with my parents once I leave, for my niece's sake, I may only go little contact because I'm concern about her eating habits(overfed, too many sweets and junk, little to no veggies, meat and fruit) and her emotional and mental health. Until her parents grow up and take her from that environment, I'm afraid I have to check up on her every couple of weeks.
I think parents who have obese children should be cited for child abuse, IMHO.
Your poor niece....I don't even know what to say about her. She's probably next. As for the overweight thing, I absolutely agree -- it's abuse! My daughter has a friend that is obese and the poor girl can barely manage taking a walk without her feet hurting or chafing her inner thighs when wearing shorts. Her Mom is emotionally unstable and just feeds her daughter to death! It's just so cruel. See, that's the issue with narcissists: their charm is a scam. But behind closed doors, the claws come out.
I actually left home for good right before I turned 23. If I can do it, you can too. I started with not much and moved across the country. Yup, minimum wage jobs, stayed with a friend and then worked my way up in a couple of years.
Thinking of you and your niece -- lots of hugs.