Hi everyone :)

I have been checking in on this board a little but I am a strong member of another group. I need some help in this area though... I guess some clarity and some peace.

My family is extremely distant... terribly distant. I have explained before and don't want to bore you with every detail, but my parents have NO friends or family to talk to or call on. I have a younger sister and she has a large group of friends but distances herself from the family also.
I always anticipated that my family would be close. Never even a question to me if we would be or not... as an adult and reflecting I don't know why I thought that. We have never been close in that sense. My parents are good parents and good providers but I guess I always have searched for the above and beyond.

We did family vacations and parties... because I planned them. My parents are not on speaking terms with either side of their families because they don't want the "drama." Therefore I am not close with my extended family... I have been trying to slowly reconnect without sounding completely crazed and desperate for family. :)

I do have a loving boyfriend, and his family is very welcoming and loving also. I feel scared to have them as my ONLY family though. That is how it feels lately. So I am trying to work through all these feelings that I have going on inside and keep myself emotionally together also. My boyfriend knew about my families strange behavior at the beginning but didn't know it was how it is until he could witness it for himself. He is VERY angry about my family situation and can't believe that family can be this way... I try to hold it together so it doesn't anger him. But, sometimes he sees how sad this makes me and that makes him angrier.

My father has not called me in over 2 years. He texts, emails, nothing of substance... forwards and photos usually. So I should chalk this up to his behavior... his ways. But I went to my father nearly 2 years ago and asked for him to try to be closer to me. I sat him and my mother down and told them that I would appreciate being a close family. I would like to get together with them at least once a week (we live near each other) and I would like to be apart of eachothers lives. My mother told me that she could not afford to have weekly dinners... okay no problem... I will do them. The family is invited to my home to have dinner every Friday night. No was their reply. They do not want to have to leave their home, they do not want to have to go to someone else's home and be uncomfortable. So... I said that I would get dinner, maybe takeout, and take it to them at their house and we could then do weekly dinners at their house on my dollar. Nope... thats not fun for them either... they like to have quiet evenings just them. So here I am, what do I do then? I say okay, forget that then maybe we can make this simpler. I ask my father and mother if they can try striking up conversation with my boyfriend rather than sit there silently (they do this with everyone) my father literally said "no." So... I moved onto me. Can you please call me on the phone (going back to the start of this paragraph)? I asked my dad to call me, I asked my mom to call me. My dad said no, it is boring to talk on the phone. My mom said she fears that I will get annoyed with her if she calls me so she wants me to call her.

In the meantime before and after this conversation... I called 3 times a week. Honestly... I called so that I could have proof to the therapist the day that my parents decided to go, I want the therapist to know I have put forth effort. I leave messages, I am told they are too busy to talk, there is not much left I can do.

I just really would love to be able to have a family. At this point it is something I have accepted I won't have, but it is something that I want to be able to be at peace with. I understand this is the situation... it just hurts still.