Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
About 8 years ago, My mother had an "online affair" I'll call it. She met a man online and fell in love with him. She ended up going to meet this guy and turns out that he was married and older. They ended it, My father forgave her instead of getting a divorce and they worked it out. Well for the past month, my mother has been talking to me about leaving my father after she is finished with college (4 years, medical field) without even telling my father that she isn't happy. She asks me which state I want to move to with her and that she can't wait. My older brother and father don't even know shes planning on leaving! Its such a hard secret to keep, and I feel like this is because someone put the idea in her head!
With my younger brother, he is 12 years old and is having a hard time making good friends. The friends he has now bully him and he feels it is okay. When I broke up with a boyfriend of a year and half he asked why I broke up with him and I told him it was because he hit me and controlled me, and he thinks that's okay! Today he asked for me to spend more time with him and play video games, but he knows how much I hate video games. We have an 8 year difference and my older bother and him have a 10 year difference, we like doing our own thing. I told him we spend time when we go to the YMCA. Then he says I yell at him, I admit I loose my temper and get loud, but with Bipolar Disorder, it's hard. I told him he needs to start listening, he shouldn't be up till 4 am every night, shouldn't be watching some of the shows he does (family guy, south park). Hes at the same age when I started getting in trouble, and I am worried. Hes a lonely kid, My mother and father don't have time, and my older brother and I are just not really into halo and XBox games.
How do I deal with these two stresses? Right now i just leave the house as soon as I wake up and come back at my curfew, but my parents end up getting upset that I do that or they'll be angry and start yelling. I've had enough, I have moved out twice before, I don't want to move out again before I'm ready because I know what will happen. Any tips would be appreciated! Thank You!
With my younger brother, he is 12 years old and is having a hard time making good friends. The friends he has now bully him and he feels it is okay. When I broke up with a boyfriend of a year and half he asked why I broke up with him and I told him it was because he hit me and controlled me, and he thinks that's okay! Today he asked for me to spend more time with him and play video games, but he knows how much I hate video games. We have an 8 year difference and my older bother and him have a 10 year difference, we like doing our own thing. I told him we spend time when we go to the YMCA. Then he says I yell at him, I admit I loose my temper and get loud, but with Bipolar Disorder, it's hard. I told him he needs to start listening, he shouldn't be up till 4 am every night, shouldn't be watching some of the shows he does (family guy, south park). Hes at the same age when I started getting in trouble, and I am worried. Hes a lonely kid, My mother and father don't have time, and my older brother and I are just not really into halo and XBox games.
How do I deal with these two stresses? Right now i just leave the house as soon as I wake up and come back at my curfew, but my parents end up getting upset that I do that or they'll be angry and start yelling. I've had enough, I have moved out twice before, I don't want to move out again before I'm ready because I know what will happen. Any tips would be appreciated! Thank You!
As I think about the hardship of what has already happend for your parents, I can give you a big important tip now for the sake of your very own emotional safety: stay out of your mothers business with the affairs she plans in her future, no matter how much or little she tells about them. Because of her bad choices with other relationships and of her past behavior with the other affair, there is absolutely no way for you to persuade her to change her mind or her disloyal ideas about cheating or her unfaithful relationship with your father; this matter will take both her and your father to straighten out. Steer clear as they work out whats best by what they see is best for the both of them. Its best to just leave the conversation as she talks about her affair, or as she desires to press your mind in to accepting her strange goals with outside men; this has to hurt you, as you think of your father's lack of awareness. Ask for her to leave you out of her wicked thoughts and to speak directly to your father about her affairs or plans of infidelity. If she refuses to tell him what she is planning with other men, thats her problem and not yours; you are totally not responsible for her choices, either good or bad.
I know that because of your mother you feel helpless and sorry for your father, but he should be the one looking out for a repeat of her cheating, because she has a history of it; again, this is not up to you to monitor or encourage her to stop cheating.
As for your younger brother, its sad; because your mother and father are not aware of putting his immediate needs ahead of their own issues. Try getting your brother to talk about the bullying with a mature, trusted friend or family member who is a responsible person and willing to help. It's not a good idea for you to action right now, because you cant take control of this matter with your brother as you are dealing with your own personal abuse by your boyfriend at the same time, and another idea is that you should find someone to talk to about your boyfreind. He needs help as well. Stay away from him, at least until he gets control of his temper and careless behavior toward you. You should NOT be a human punching bag for him.
You mention that you suffer with BP disorder, and this is a hard mental health issue to control under pressure. It's wise to stay under doctors care to help control possible symptoms of this disorder, please! The good is that at this time you seem to be healthy enough to make clear, correct choices (such as leaving the house to avoid conflicts, coming back before curfew). And by the way, its ridiculous that your parents are angry with this, but then its not unusual that they are not able to think responsibly now, considering their very own difficult circumstances. With this said, its natural for you to feel frustrated or want to move out of the mess.
With the possible outcome of this situation, I can tell that you need to make arrangements to live on your own now. Begin by weighing your best options. Are you financially stable? Is there enough reliable support for you outside of your parents home? Is there any chance that leaving your younger brother in this mess will compromise his emotional safety, too, which he really is left to vulnerability without you as his emotional backup? In the end, you have to take the time to think very clearly and rationally for your own answers, and a stable living arrangement for your sake of peace.
A smart idea to think on is that you may benefit from talking openly with your doctor about the stress of living within this situation at home. I suppose that your physician can offer you a better understanding of how to take care of your emotions in a safe way. Whatever comes of it all, I hope the best for you. Pray for the best possible way to overcome your emotional pain, and be directed by your faith in goodness, which you deserve to have.