Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I have an issue with my daughter-in-laws mother.She is perfect her poop doesn't stick!!! After my Grandson was born at the hospital she said to me we have to share.She want's all holidays and I am not even an after thought.The other Grandparents still work and I am retired.Her mother always has an excuse why she can't take him on the weekend.I take care of him during the week and thats fine but she wants every holiday she can take him on the weekend.I finally A couple weeks ago I said where are the other grandparent's.Of coarse now I'm the bad guy.She called me that weekend but I didn't answer because I didn't feel like taking to her.She left A voice mail that I should lay him down and then she would pick him up later.I didn't even have him.I called my son and he said oh ya we have been texting the past couple days so we already have it all arranged.Then why did she call me with that stupid email except to maybe give A dig!!I know if the doctor would call him that I was dying and he got A phone call from his mother-in-law called at the same time she had A hang nail they would be on the road to her emergency and the would have to take A leave of absents.Thanks for letting me vent!!
It's his parents responsibility. So the other grandparent doesn't need an excuse for something that isn't her job.
It's great (maybe) that you've agreed to watch the child. However, I suspect that a whole lot of things haven't been worked out in regard to that. (Hey I watch him...that's WORK. I also want the chance to be a GRANDPARENT with you and your wife having dinner over here once every 1-2 weeks or so, and I'd like it if you spent some holidays here.) ALSO, you should have a scheduled "vacation". The parents can get the other grandparents to watch the child, or hire a private sitter in their house, but how they make arrangements, is NOT your job.
As the child gets older, it also isn't a bad idea to have him in daycare once or twice a week. Babies are relatively easy. Toddlers are EXHAUSTING.
Whatever you do, don't think that just because you are doing the drudgework...that you'll have a closer relationship with the child in 5 years. I know SO many grandparents that end up feeling resentful for all of the hard work that they put in. Put the boundaries on NOW, so that the time you have with him will feel special rather than burning you out.
A good rule of thumb with holidays...1/3 to 1/4 with each grandparent, and 1/3 to 1/2 just the parents and their child doing whatever they want to do. So Christmas this year, Thanksgiving the next and Easter the third year.
And remember, this is just a baby. He's not going to know if you decorate a tree and open presents 3 days ahead. Six year olds will believe anything that you tell them. (They believe a man flies around the world with a sled pulled by reindeer, don't they?)
Do yourself a favor, whenever you would like to see your grandson, make arrangements with your son.
It’s HIS child, too.
Holidays always create stress.
For me, my memories of my grandparents are few but the ones I have are special. Concentrate on making special memories for you and your grandson - it won’t come from a holiday celebration. It will come from doing something special for them and with them.
This is NOT a competition. In the end, your feelings about your daughter-in-law choosing her own parents is a waste of time. THEY always choose THEIR parents. Work on your son to have time with your grandson.
Personally, I saw what this did to my mother-in-law (and I adored her - May she rest in piece) She never had any ill will towards my brother-in-law’s wife for not taking her grand daughters to see her (over the other grandmother) But I saw how hurt she was. Sometimes, you have to let things go so they don’t snowball into something much bigger. Take Care.