Ok I am a 65 year old mother to a girl almost 45. I recently had a shouting match with her on the phone and we both said hurtful things. I disappointed her not showing up to an important dinner. I warned her I may not be able to get there because I have fibromyalgia . . Sometimes my skin burns too badly to pUT on clothes. I called about 1.5 hours before dinner to tell her I would be there. She just went off on me. She couldn't believe I would do this to her.  Apparently she and my SIL had spoken the night before and said I had better not be a no show. So they set me up ! I was calling to tell her I would be there and she said some terribly cruel things and when she said that about SIL I lost it and said some cruel things myself. 

I would say that it will get better but...In my rant I informed her how I felt about her husband.  For the first time in 20+years, I feel a huge weight off my shoulders. 

Given the chance I would like the type of relationship that she has with his mother which is to never see her . 

I never never wanted t his to happen. I have bitten my tongue. Gone home in tears from his abuse more often than I can remember. The final straw was telling me I could not call her when he is home.  Trust me I have been walking on thin ice for all the years they have been married trying not to include myself with their family .

But bottom line, I adore my daughter, I am so proud of her and I am not ready to lose her. Do I have a choice?  Please re s pond. My heart is breaking.