Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hi Everyone,
I have been healing from an abusive upbringing for 6 years. My father is the one that abused me. I have been dealing with the damaged caused by him for my whole life, and the healing process has been long and intense. I have reached a new point in my healing process that has been the hardest yet.
I dont know where to start and this is all so new to me, I apologize for not being organized with my thoughts. This is hard to write and its hard me for me to not put a blind eye on with this.
I love my mother very dearly but I am coming to terms that she didnt protect me, or raise me the way she should have. My father masturbated in front of me, walked around naked in front of me, tickled me, cornered me, screamed at me an inch from my face for an irrational reason, he would scream at my mother for hours(you could hear him from outside) and there is much more that he has done. My mother didnt do much to help me or herself! HOW am I supposed to come to grips with this? I cant grasp this right now. Emotionally I am in shambles. With my healing process I haven't been very in touch with my emotions. Now looking at the past I see why its hard for me to cry. I shut down my emotions to deal with what was going on around me, plus my father would yell at me when I cried. But the biggest revelation to me is that when i was confused, lonely and helpless with what was happening around me, my mother wasnt there to help me emotionally. When CPS came into the situation when I was a teenager(im 23 now) The family turned on me. They(my whole family thats in denial) were mad and intimidated by me. My mother didnt know what to do. She didnt support me! I felt that she was more worried about losing her job than me. NO ONE had my back. I was all alone, no one helped me! This makes me feel furious but devastated at the same time.
Lately, I have a hard time thinking about my mother whether it be in a positive manner or negative. I feel destroyed, I dont know what to do with myself. I lost my father(emotionally and relationship wise) I dont want to lose another parent. I hate that I am faced with the reality that my mom isn't who i thought she was. I feel parentless. Its very lonely, but who am I kidding, I have been alone ever since I can remember. Like I said my mother wasn't there for me when I needed her most, no wonder why I cant trust her.
Please, I need support, advice or just something. I dont know what to do with myself.
Thank you,
Renee
I have been healing from an abusive upbringing for 6 years. My father is the one that abused me. I have been dealing with the damaged caused by him for my whole life, and the healing process has been long and intense. I have reached a new point in my healing process that has been the hardest yet.
I dont know where to start and this is all so new to me, I apologize for not being organized with my thoughts. This is hard to write and its hard me for me to not put a blind eye on with this.
I love my mother very dearly but I am coming to terms that she didnt protect me, or raise me the way she should have. My father masturbated in front of me, walked around naked in front of me, tickled me, cornered me, screamed at me an inch from my face for an irrational reason, he would scream at my mother for hours(you could hear him from outside) and there is much more that he has done. My mother didnt do much to help me or herself! HOW am I supposed to come to grips with this? I cant grasp this right now. Emotionally I am in shambles. With my healing process I haven't been very in touch with my emotions. Now looking at the past I see why its hard for me to cry. I shut down my emotions to deal with what was going on around me, plus my father would yell at me when I cried. But the biggest revelation to me is that when i was confused, lonely and helpless with what was happening around me, my mother wasnt there to help me emotionally. When CPS came into the situation when I was a teenager(im 23 now) The family turned on me. They(my whole family thats in denial) were mad and intimidated by me. My mother didnt know what to do. She didnt support me! I felt that she was more worried about losing her job than me. NO ONE had my back. I was all alone, no one helped me! This makes me feel furious but devastated at the same time.
Lately, I have a hard time thinking about my mother whether it be in a positive manner or negative. I feel destroyed, I dont know what to do with myself. I lost my father(emotionally and relationship wise) I dont want to lose another parent. I hate that I am faced with the reality that my mom isn't who i thought she was. I feel parentless. Its very lonely, but who am I kidding, I have been alone ever since I can remember. Like I said my mother wasn't there for me when I needed her most, no wonder why I cant trust her.
Please, I need support, advice or just something. I dont know what to do with myself.
Thank you,
Renee
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
You should consult with a therapist. What was done to you is wrong, but it doesn't need to damage you for the rest of your life. Both of your parents failed you. Your father actually abused you and should be in jail. What you do to hold him criminally accountable is your decision, but you need to take care of yourself. Please do that.
very best,
--EJ
I was where you are. I now have CPTSD. The pain doesn't go away, but it does get better.
I'm here if you want to talk.
Hugs.
If you haven't already had therapy, I'd start now. In addition, if you are finished with college and out on your own, begin a new life without your parents. I feel like a broken record today saying that just because you are related by blood doesn't mean that your are family. Friends and animals (ie. dog, cat) make better family. I left home for good at 23 and it was the best decision I ever made. I immediately initiated no contact after flying across the country and those next 4 years were fabulous. After that I did let my dad back into my life but it was obvious that it was a mistake....so no contact ever since.
On some level your parents should be held accountable, esp. your dad. I do not know how one would go about that-- maybe the therapist can guide you. As a Mother to 2 daughters, if I ever caught my husband doing something like that, yeah, he'd be damaged severely even if it meant I had to spend the rest of my days in jail so long as my daughters were safe.
Be strong...you can get through this and it is good that you have come forward.
You are not alone. You do have a heavenly father that says I will never leave you nor forsake you even unto the end of the age. And when I was grieving the mother things I realized that the bible says he made us in his image and that God can encompass both male and female qualities so both fatherly and motherly both protector and nurturer. (this is my own conviction but brought me much comfort). When I went through my own healing I also awakened spiritually and found spiritual healing. I did counseling also. Everything you are saying is true for you and valid and something the process will bring you to face. But you won't be stuck in that because you are on a journey and when you are on a journey although you stop off here and there it isn't your final destination. This is just a viewing point a turn off on the road. Take it in, grieve it , feel it and accept it and let it go it won't always feel this bad. I wish I could give you a big (((((HUG))))). Blessings.
One more thought to leave you with...You know the worth of something by the price that someone is willing to pay. You wouldn't pay 300.00 for a 1.00 bottle of water. Because it is only worth a dollar. In this way you can know YOUR worth by the price Christ was willing to pay for you. No matter what you've been told or shown by your parents your worth is secure and sure.
Christians do believe God made us in His image. But other texts interpret that NOT as literal- we do NOT look like God. Some believe God has no gender; God making us from God's image, or translated differently, *imagination,* meaning we are connected to all things in the universe.
The reference of Jesus dying for our sins is lost on the rest of the world (the majority) who are NOT Christian.
I just didn't want razzy to feel pressured that if she doesn't accept Jesus as Lord that she's doomed to feel bad...
Deli- I know what PTSD is but im not sure what CPTSD is. In regards to heartsads post, I am a devout follower of Jesus Christ. I appreciate you looking out for me though.
Boo- I am in counseling right now. Although I am not sure if I should get a different counselor. I am thinking about going to a counselor that specialized in abuse. What do you think? I dont know if it makes a big difference or not. Separating myself from my family scares me. I dont think I want to do this. Your like the 10th person who has told me this though :/. I dont know what would hurt more.
I really appreciate all of your support. Last night was really hard. I couldnt fall asleep because I was in so much emotional pain. All these emotions are very raw. They are effecting my daily routine. Today is another day and Ill keep chugging along.
It is wrong and unfair for you to be going through what you are going through. We feel for you and hope you will keep making progress in your therapy. If you choose not to report your father to authorities, I am not here to convince you otherwise. It is your decision entirely. I just hope he doesn't do it again with you or other innocent young women.
But take care of yourself first and make sure you take precautions. Confide in someone you trust who knows what they are talking about. The social worker who said your father just "didn't know any better,' and "has bad boundaries," is not someone you should depend on. Find a good friend, relative, or teacher who will keep your confidences and knows how to handle emergency situations.
very best,
--EJ
A Cognitive type of therapy can help a lot with this like DBT over time
http://psychcentral.com/lib/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/00018554
http://psychcentral.com/lib/an-overview-of-dialectical-behavior-therapy/0001096
The fact that he masturbated in front of you and your family just chalks it up as him not knowing any better??? They are just as sick as him.
I can't offer much help with you because I don't know your symptoms. (Not that I'm an expert- just another damaged person who learned coping skills and did a LOT of work on herself.)
Hugs.
Just to clarify for anyone reading: What I shared was from my own experience and things that were very instrumental in my own healing and for encouragement from someone who's further down the road. I like that here you can have varied response from many people with different beliefs and backgrounds. A nice AA saying take what you can and leave the rest. Always great advice when sifting through advice to see if it resonates or not. Hopefully you will find the right word spoken in the right season that will give you the encouragement to move forward.
Razzy - there is a survivor board on here to it is under sexual abuse survivor board I believe they are very wonderful and supportive and can certainly relate to your experiences. I glad that my post didn't offend you as I would never want to add another layer of injury. Keep up the good fight!