Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I appreciate anyone that reads or comments on this. I really could use some advice and input on my post. If you have anything you could say, or could recommend something I could do, I would appreciate your input.
The main dilemma I am facing right now...is if I should move out. I am 20 years old and family is going through hell with Child Protective Services and my sister (who lives down the street). She is going to get her kid back, probably on the 19th of may. That is good and everything...but my mother can not baby sit my niece (because CPS says she is emotionally unstable). So my sister is already asking me if I could babysit for her. She told the CPS agent that I could do it without asking me first.
She got me angry when she told me that I just: "Have to quit school or something" in order to babysit for her child. Was it wrong for me to get angry? I am a full time student and work about 30 hours a week. I get good grades and am going to summer classes so I can graduate with an associates degree this spring. I already paid my local university a $350 deposit and I plan to get my Ph.D in clinical psychology.
Is it wrong for me to want to move out? I told my sister that SHE has to be the one to quit school and get a job and watch after her OWN kid. She is 25 years old and depends on her boyfriend and me to pay for everything for her.
My mom does not want me to move because she feels as though I help her with her mental instability. But I am actually growing sick of my mother. She recently had a second mental breakdown and she is planning to get off medication she really needs to take to be stable. She wants to be "Natural" but once someone needs ECT treatment, that option is pretty much gone. I know that some medication hurts her bones, causes bad side effects, etc...but she is on the verge of having another episode if she doesn't continue.
On top of all this I have my own issues with severe social phobia and missing college classes and sleep because of all the stress at home. My sister (I can tell) is going to become dependent on me to watch her kid when she can't because I live just 4 houses down from her as I am living with my parents. Is it selfish of me to just want to live by myself and go to college and work part time? I love my neice very much and don't want to risk her going to foster care...but I want to live my life too. I want my sister to take the responsibility of her child - NOT me and whoever else she can get to watch her while she enjoys the luxury of not working and going to school. I told her that she needs to drop out, get a real job, and take accountability for her child (when she gets her back).
My plan: take out student loans for housing starting this Fall semester and move to an apartment close to my university. I would work at my same job part time, just live on my own or with a roommate and go to college full time.
There are 3 other scenarios to me moving out:
1. Continue living at home with my mother and father at the risk of my mother having a mental breakdown again and becoming a constant caregiver for my sister's daughter and my sister herself.
2. Not attending my local university this fall and just working and watching after my sister's child.
3. Getting a one-way train ticket somewhere (I always wanted to runaway to California), find full time employment, and just runaway from everything that has happened to me.
What do you think is the best option for me? Am I being selfish and greedy?
The main dilemma I am facing right now...is if I should move out. I am 20 years old and family is going through hell with Child Protective Services and my sister (who lives down the street). She is going to get her kid back, probably on the 19th of may. That is good and everything...but my mother can not baby sit my niece (because CPS says she is emotionally unstable). So my sister is already asking me if I could babysit for her. She told the CPS agent that I could do it without asking me first.
She got me angry when she told me that I just: "Have to quit school or something" in order to babysit for her child. Was it wrong for me to get angry? I am a full time student and work about 30 hours a week. I get good grades and am going to summer classes so I can graduate with an associates degree this spring. I already paid my local university a $350 deposit and I plan to get my Ph.D in clinical psychology.
Is it wrong for me to want to move out? I told my sister that SHE has to be the one to quit school and get a job and watch after her OWN kid. She is 25 years old and depends on her boyfriend and me to pay for everything for her.
My mom does not want me to move because she feels as though I help her with her mental instability. But I am actually growing sick of my mother. She recently had a second mental breakdown and she is planning to get off medication she really needs to take to be stable. She wants to be "Natural" but once someone needs ECT treatment, that option is pretty much gone. I know that some medication hurts her bones, causes bad side effects, etc...but she is on the verge of having another episode if she doesn't continue.
On top of all this I have my own issues with severe social phobia and missing college classes and sleep because of all the stress at home. My sister (I can tell) is going to become dependent on me to watch her kid when she can't because I live just 4 houses down from her as I am living with my parents. Is it selfish of me to just want to live by myself and go to college and work part time? I love my neice very much and don't want to risk her going to foster care...but I want to live my life too. I want my sister to take the responsibility of her child - NOT me and whoever else she can get to watch her while she enjoys the luxury of not working and going to school. I told her that she needs to drop out, get a real job, and take accountability for her child (when she gets her back).
My plan: take out student loans for housing starting this Fall semester and move to an apartment close to my university. I would work at my same job part time, just live on my own or with a roommate and go to college full time.
There are 3 other scenarios to me moving out:
1. Continue living at home with my mother and father at the risk of my mother having a mental breakdown again and becoming a constant caregiver for my sister's daughter and my sister herself.
2. Not attending my local university this fall and just working and watching after my sister's child.
3. Getting a one-way train ticket somewhere (I always wanted to runaway to California), find full time employment, and just runaway from everything that has happened to me.
What do you think is the best option for me? Am I being selfish and greedy?
Can you get student loans or Financial aid and move onto campus? Do you have anyone you can roomate with? STAY IN SCHOOL. PM me if you want more information on aid for school but I know sinse you are only 20 they will still go by your parents income. If living at home will cause too much stress then you need to find another arrngemnt (ok, it is 2 in the morning and I cannot spell - sorry)
This is your life, hang in there and remember that.
Hugs
Kallie
Here are some of my suggestions that you might want to consider trying. First off your sister is responsible for taking care of herself and her daughter. I know you love your niece however by putting your future on hold will only hurt you in the long run and will also enable your sister to rely on you even more. She will have to take the steps and work with social services and all the different programs they have available to help her and her daughter.
Same thing with your mom. There are many programs available to help her as well so that she can cope with living at home and still have the care that she needs to deal with all her problems. You can certainly help her in getting things set up but in my opinion I really think if you can move out you should do it and finish up your schooling.
The more you stay at home and do things for your family the more dependent they will become on you and the less time you will have to work towards your goals. To me this will only result in you falling into a deeper depression and pretty soon everything that matters to you will not be so important and you do not want to go down that road.
You can't force people to change as they will have to decide to do that on their own and I think sometimes when they are forced into a situation of where they have to figure out others ways to make things work out they will start to seek outside help. I have no doubt that if you do move out you this will indeed upset the nest and some nasty things might be said about your decisions but I also believe that after awhile things will settle down and work out for the best interest for everyone involved.
Anyway I strongly feel you should pursue your goals and get into college. I know it won't be easy but this way you have more of a chance of having a secure future. It also might help to talk to a counselor for a bit to help you deal with all the emotional feelings and help guide you in making the best decisions that will be best for you. At this point if you do decide to stay with your mom I have a feeling that in time you will start to resent her and your sister as well and you won't be able to help them much later on.
Anyway I hope this helps a bit and things start looking up for you very soon. Wishing you the very best:)
I know that is unrealistic but what your family is trying to force you to do is also unrealistic and unfair to you. You have a life just like they do. Your sister layed down and had her child so she needs to stand up and take care of her. She is not your responibility.
I understand your situation with your mother, I am in the same situation with my daughter. The difference is, I am 42. I can deal. I should deal, because she is my child. You on the other hand are young and its your turn to live your life.
katie, is right when she says that there will be illwill towards you in the beginning but you just have to concentrate on you and let them take care of them and in the end all will work its self out.
I cant stress it enough, MOVE OUT as fast as you can.
You have a plan, put it in motion.
Good Luck to you.
if u can move on campus do so, i cant cuz UoP doesnt offer student housing plus u gotta be working to get it in most schools anyway. find a friend or another family member u can live with if possible.
You seem like a strong girl with a good head on your shoulders. Don't allow them to make you feel guilty for your decision. Go for your dreams. It is SO hard out there, so you will need all of the tools you can get. And, you are not at ALL being greedy or selfish. God bless, I know you will make the right decision!
I really feel like I need to get out, like everyone else is saying. I am so grateful to all of you for replying and giving me insight to this situation.
Thank you all.
And I am male, by the way. ;)