I'm losing my freaking mind. I feel like I'm gonna be that woman at 30 years old who isn't married, has no kids or friends and hates herself because of how much her childhood killed her self esteem and who she really was. My sister has always hated me (as I have said before in a few of my past posts) she has tried killing me three times. Well she gave my parents her phone back and we were going through it trying to find evidence to take to court to get custody of her kids. She has texts saying "Come get Noah before I fucking kill him" and "I want to get an abortion, i want nothing to do with this baby or her father" She is due in Jan. Obviously abortion is not an option. But I got off topic. Anyway, while going through the messages she refers to me as "fatty" and in one message says that I am just out to get her, and one night she texted her boyfriend saying that dad yelled at me and now I'm crying like a little bitch. He said "Good, fuck her." she also said that she wants to kill me and that I am an ungrateful spoiled fat bitch. Now, I don't want to play competition, but she is nineteen, JUST moved out of my parents house, they bought her TWO cars which she has totaled. They pay for gas, insurance, everything the cars need to be repaired, her rent, her bills, food, EVERYTHING for her and she turns around and says she never wants to see any of us again and won't let us see the kids. I am only 17, but I am in GED classes, I put out job applications each time a place is hiring (i dont get hired because most of them want me to have a diploma or GED) I have my own truck, I PAY for gas and repairs, my dad is a mechanic, so he does do the actual work. But I am moving in Feb. to my own place, I already bought my own supplies I'll need and I'm saving up for first/last months rent/deposit. The only things that the baby that is due in Jan. has right now, is stuff I bought her. My grandma did buy an outfit, but my sister spends her money on her boyfriends alcohol and her shoes and nails. I skip going to the doctor/dentist so that I can buy her unborn baby the things that a baby will need. She says I'm obsessed with my dog and she thinks I fuck her. Seriously??? I do love my dog to death, but I am an animal foster parent, it is my duty to love and care for the animals that have been abused. They need to know humans are good. She has gotten rid of ALL my friends, told them that I was talking crap, or that I'm a huge slut, all kinds of stuff. I don't have a single friend, she tried to get rid of my boyfriend but thankfully he isn't stupid. She has physically attacked me before, at one point I over dosed on medication and she said "I wish you would have succeeded" Who the FUCK says that to somebody?? I honestly think I hate her. She has completely killed the person I am inside. I don't feel like I can even come out of my room because I don't have the "right" to. I feel like I'm absolutely nothing. My boyfriend lives two hours away, and sometimes I'll go and stay at his house for a week straight, because when I'm there I actually feel human and like I have the right to talk and be a person. When i come home, the second I get here I feel defeated. I feel like I'm losing the person I am, what if I don't make it to Feb.? But what if I do, and somehow it affects me later on in life? I just need answers. And I don't know where to get them.