also at some point ill be moving away, and I cannot wait for that! ill be moving away for good!

I am so sorry sweetie.....I know how sometimes we can feel so let down by our parents. I'm the mother of 4, two of my kids are adults (they are both boys) I would do anything to be a part of their lives, but boys don't seem to want to have a mom in their life so I feel a bit rejected.....want to be my adult child? lol.......I wish i could understand why your parents would appear to be favoring your brother over you, I can't understand that, I'm not sure if it has to do with him being a boy, they don't expect as much or what, it doesn't make sense. Maybe if he's the baby of the family that might have something to do with it too. I wish i could help with better answers, but its hard to know.....I'm sorry

It's hard to understand the whole situation from just this one piece and even just your point of view. Sometimes parents do have favorites, just like people are drawn to certain people more than others. Could this be a cultural issue? Some cultures value men and not women. Or maybe there is something else that happened to your brother that makes your parents feel guilty and they are trying to make up for this.

What I can say is that being strong and independent will serve you well through the rest of your life. Make your plans for your future and get to it. There is nothing you can do that will change how your parents feel and act. So don't waste your breath. Be you and be strong.

Favoritism from parents do happen. Parents don't like to talk about it because they feel bad about doing it. It is something parents can't control and they feel guilty about doing it. I don't know, maybe if society wouldn't be so critical about it about it and instead talk and accept it and look for solutions there would be less problems and more solution about the subject. But this is a taboo. Parents are supposed to love their children equally, everyone expects it and when they failed they feel guilty.
The truth is that this happen all the time in most of the families and it is forbidden to talk about it.
Anyway, I have been there. I know how you feel. My mom always favorite my sister. For many years I felt like you, angry, hurt and confused but finally I let go.
My mom loves me, but she does favor, protect, care and worry more about my sister. I've learned to accept that and forgave my mom.
After many years I learned and could see that my mom is actually always trying to win my sister's love and approval. She doesn't have to do that with me. I was always the child that was there for her and my sister was always distant, independent and critical about my mom, so she admired her and wanted (still do) to win her attention, approval and love.
People are different and relationships dynamics are too, even between parents and siblings.
Try to let go and accept your parents the way they are. They do love you the best way they can. They aren't perfect and they are doing the best they can I'm sure.

My best advice- if it bothers you to know that your brother is being treated differently than you, then stop comparing! I know that may sound lame, but it'll just drive you crazy.

As long as your relationship with them is okay, don't worry about how they deal with your brother. That's between them and him.

Remember- fair isn't equal; fair is giving everyone what they need, which may vary.

Comparisons are what cause war. Just focus on yourself and let the chips fall where they may.

Deli got it just right...parents do treat their children differently. It is often based on each child's need or perceived need. And this can seem unfair to the other children.

For example if one child is shy the parent may spend more time with them to help they deal with the shyness. If a child is disabled or easily gets sick the parent has to spend more time with the child and will often be more protective forever. If one child has a situation where they need financial help the parent may help them but not be able to give an equal gift to their other children. And of course parents are people too so things that are going on in their lives may influence how they treat their children. If your mom's friend lost a son your mom may have reacted by spoiling your brother.

One thing I can tell you for certain is that all children feel jealousy. And often is silly ways. You feel jealous that they gave your brother so much help but he might feel jealous that you don't have your parents hovering over you. And often we don't even understand or realize how we are feeling. And sometimes we feel it but don't understand why because we don't know the whole story.

Tigg2 made a good point. My sister always thought, and still does, think my mom favorites me.
Because me and my mom have a closer relationship she was always jealous about it and I perceived in a different way.
Parents aren't perfect. They are just people like anyone else trying to do the best they can.

Starynight- But aren't you glad your parents DID push you? I don't know the LD you have, but would you have wanted them to set the bar low for you because of your situation? I think it would have been a lot easier for them to say, "oh, she's got an LD... it doesn't matter..." and have low expectations.

It seems to me that you should be happy they loved you that much to push you to succeed.

Deli - the last comment you wrote made a really good point and got me thinking, and it helped hearing it. and everyone else. I really liked the comments you wrote, it was good for me to hear what you guys said and im going to try to change my thinking about it all. and it helped so much hearing all of this. thank you. :)

: D

It's really easy to get stuck in a certain way of perception. Sometimes, we just need someone else to offer a different way of looking at things!

I hope you haven't taken it out on your brother... If so, maybe an apology would be nice and you can bond. Who knows, he may be thinking the same thing about your parents and you???

Amber BULLSHIT!!!

You are worth as much, if not even MORE than that. Let me tell you one thing about this from my perspective? I am a parent now, but let me tell you this, First, You are not who your parent's say you are. You are an individual, separate from your brother, you need to focus on this and learn this.

I don't know where to begin because this really makes me mad because I can totally relate to your issue. Although our scenarios are
different, my brother too was always favored by my mother and still
to this day it's the same way.

The way I see it, for me now, I don't know about you, but the reason this has happened the way it has for me is because my brother is very compliant, whereas I am very rebellious. I dont' stand on anyone's rules, but my own. And that is to no fault of my own, I was raised this way as a lonely child, I practically raised myself, I had to survive on my own. So, If I made my own rules up it's because this is the only way I knew how to survive.

I don't apologize for the way I turned out, it was my parents responsibility to raise me in a loving and caring environment
but that didn't happen.

So what does my brother have to do with anything? Well he gets the nice treatment from her, she always hangs out with him, takes him to lunch, basically treats him like he's still a baby and he feeds off of it, it's a very unhealthy relationship and it sickens me, I am not a part of that relationship, I choose to stay away.

As for you, you need to dig deep down inside, and analyze your situation, and say to yourself, is all this heartache worth this toxic relationship? I know we want our parents in our lives, but unless you put your foot down, this will continue, you may have to separate from them for a couple of years, to lay down some boundaries.

You need to take control of your life, and LIVE IT! Don't let what they do shape who you are in a negative, passive way. You are not who they say you are, you are who you say you are. Stand up for yourself, believe in yourself, and believe that you don't need people like this in your life, if their not going to support you.

Mad- the OP arrived at a sense of closure and peace two months ago.

She never said that she was thinking of cutting herself off. Just how to handle the situation.

Why would you want to encourage family estrangement? You seem like a very angry person. Why so quick to tell OTHERS to cut themselves off from toxic people, yet you can't seem to do it in your own life?

Just an observation...

See my post if you would like to read about similar issues I'm having. I'm 25 and my parents still find a way to do the same. Let me just tell you, I have 3 brothers, one is a drug addict who asks them for money and they give it to him every single time. 2 are 22 and 24, have gone to 4 school so far, including one online, and still don't have a degree. My parent's pay for all their loans. I pay for my own and they have made it clear. In all honesty, the emotional distress it causes will affect you for awhile. It is still affecting me. My parents give my brothers gas credit cards, ez pass, etc. They live at home and don't pay rent, they curse my parents out and treat them with disrespect, etc.

Yet the high expectations they have for me, sometimes make me realize how much better off I am. You're brother is not going to be as able as you are to support himself. He is not going to be forced into independence like you. My brothers are not either, and while it's not fair short-term, it will make you feel good to know that you are more able to live your life independently.

Trust me, I moved out a few months ago, and with the exception of family fights and problems, my newfound independence feels great. I rely on myself and my friends/boyfriend to keep me sane... especially when my family drives me crazy. Good luck. Reach out to me if you ever need some advice.

...and don't assume having a learning disability is the worst thing in the world either. It is probably why you are able to deal with this so much. I have a learning disability too, and I obtained my BA/MS in a very difficult field of study. I think my learning disability taught me and forced me to work 10 times harder than everyone else.

Stary, I think what happens in some families is when they have one child that has done well, is financially and emotionally set they have a tendency to lean harder on that one to ensure they stay on tract. When they know they have a child that isn't in your position, they'll lean towards giving more of helping hand financially and emotionally simple because they feel that particular child needs more help.

They may realize their actions might hurt your feelings but then again, they may feel that you are the stronger child which shouldn't need the amount of attention the other does.

I'm sure this has caused you much pain. It doesn't mean though that they love you less or that you are worthless. Apparently it is a touchy subject with your parents. It could very well be that they are tired of helping your brother but can't find a way out because he's too dependent on them. They're actually enabling his bad behavior and poor choices.

Instead of being angry at them I would try to look at in the sense that they have made you an independent person which is what we should all strive to be. They may have gone about it in the wrong way but they've helped you none the less.

You are your own investment and certainly worthy of love, admiration and support from your family.

I hope you find some peace soon but in the mean time, keep moving forward and surround yourself with friends that will be there to support you.

Woot, woot, kls! That's my point exactly!

I even hate the words, "Learning Disability." Just means you have to work harder/different.