PS. It's been over 7 years now since my girls have spoken to me. It too much to bear anymore with a grandson out there I have never met turning 2 this year. I've already missed his infancy.. soon to miss him being a toddler and no sign of anything for the future either.. What can I do? I've tried to "adopt" another daughter with a son.. it's all very nice and helps to some degree with at least having a daughter.. but in the end.. you can't replace either one of the children I carried for 9 months and gave birth to. I guess no matter what I will be forever missing and needing them in my life. The idea of them dying I had hoped would work.. doesnt really seem to.. because you can't believe your own lies.. or can you?

BTW I don't wish them to die.. I just wish to stop seeking what I can not ever have.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Sometimes we have to accept that people come and go in our lives, even our parents and children. Sounds like you have a lot of history going on.

If I were you I would take time to work on myself. Build your own life and be the best you that you can be. If your grown daughters see this change in you they may want to establish a relationship.

They wont see it.. there is absolutely no contact what so ever. In fact they have gone so far as to eliminate all my family from their lives. Also, there isnt much I can do for changing me or my life as I haven't even figured out how to live yet. I have multiple disabilities that I struggle daily to figure out how to manage a respectable lifestyle with.. and still can't do that. Gosh I hope I don't sound unappreciative of your post because I am.. out of everything I am going through I believe that this is indeed the most painful of all. I can take the physical pain, even the rejection I get daily from family that just doesnt understand my illnesses. But what is the hardest is losing my children. That is unbearable and I find myself seeking whatever info I can just to hold a miniscule amount of them for a moment.. only to feel the great pain afterwards for having missed it.. one example is that I found my youngest daughter on Facebook. I saw pictures that she got married and was so happy for not only the info but to see the pictures.. then I saw pictures of a grandson I am not to know even exists. I kept the pics of course, put them on my desktop, and found I had to remove them as it was just too painful for the moments that I could forget it was reminding me. Then I discovered that she removed her profile. I guess she discovered through a tracking that I was there.. cant discern another reason why she would do that.. but as you can see.. its a no win situation. Not having the info and pics saves me pain, and the not knowing and being left out causes me great pain. I know that I need to write them off.. as they have done me.. that was why I created this little story that they died in a car crash. Would be ok in time IF I could just believe it. It worked for about a week.. a novelty I guess.. but then I found myself still searching them out.. their family.. what ever I could to learn anything at all about what is going on in their lives. I've lost so much more than you can imagine and so much more I am about to lose. I just don't know how to live anymore. Anyway, I want to thank you so much for caring enough to take the time to talk with me.. it means more than you could ever know. THANK YOU!!!

i too have a daughter who dosent want me in her life. the difference is when her husband or my husband (her father) r around she acts like nothing is wrong, but when she is round me she makes hurtful coments under her breath that only i can hear. she has 3 kids and dose all she can to keep both me and my husband from seeing them.i understand ur comment about the car accident. because if they had died it wouldnt be thier choice to not see u.knowing they choose not to see us makes it hurt even more.i dont know the details of ur situation, and i wish i could give u some advice that would help. but if i had a fix to this, then i wouldnt be in the same boat. all i can say is u r not alone in dealing with this.its small comfort i know,but its all i have to give. if u want to talk more i have sent u a friend request.

Thanks Big Red.. just sharing your story helps so much and I really appreciate it! It is very hard.. And I honestly don't know if it will help or not.. but coming from where I am coming from I can advise you.. 1. Take advantage of the fact that she is STILL there.. you still have options 2. Don't take anything she says personally.. Its very hard and I never got the chance to practice this.. but my mother and I had a difficult time too.. however it didnt last nearly as long.. now we are very close.. anyway, I can honestly say that she sat there and listened to me.. no matter how brutal I was.. it was her willingness to do that and reply to me in such a way that it wasnt really defensive.. but informative. I began to understand why some things happened as they did. We grew closer together.. If anything can come from my experience I hope its a relationship that grows with your daughter. Honestly, until she is permanently gone she is still there.. that means you still have options.. have you had a sit down with her? My mother actually let me beat her up.. (verbally) don't know if I could take that.. but I would now given the chance.. as long as I could also inject some info into the situation.. anyway.. what I mean about beating her up is that I said things about the way I was as a result of my up bringing.. and she simply accepted that was my up bringing.. honestly even though much of it was mistaken (childish views) the truth is that it was MY REALITY.. therefore, very true to me.. whether it was or not.. she accepted that and didn't try to change my reality or expect her info to change anything.. and because of that.. it changed so much.. she let me in on how it was for her during the times that I suffered.. suddenly I didn't feel as rejected and unimportant.. maybe this will help you too? I don't know but I do know this.. your daughter is still in your presence no matter how nasty and limited it is.. you have options.. for now.

i have had sooo many talks with her. and she has" verbly beat me up" when that happens things will be fine for about 2 to 3 wks. and then its rite back to the old ways. and its not just me she dose this to, she does it to her sister brother and grandmother. she wont speak to her grandfather at all. the only person in her family she is even halfway decent to is her father. and she has only let him see the kids 5 times in the last yr. im like u i want so badly to fix this but she wont let me.

I'm so terribly sorry!!! I know how you feel of course and I'm here for you any time you want to chat. I just don't understand what is happening to the family unit in this country. My sister-in-law is from Ukraine and she says its not like this there. We must be doing something wrong as a society on top of whatever we are doing wrong because there is no manual. Anyway.. I'm here for ya.. maybe if there are enough people we could make a support group for Mother's of Estranged Children .. might help us?

i love that idea! im new to this whole computer thing. so im not sure how to do it yet. but i dose seem like all the parenting groups on here r for people whos kids r still at home. its like once our kids r grown and on thier own we r not supposed to be a parent anymore. i think we should make it for parents of adult children too. its time the world stopped forgetting about us wise old ladys lol.

"The idea of them dying I had hoped would work.. doesnt really seem to.. because you can't believe your own lies.. or can you?"

my parents believe their own lies everyday it is true you do believe ur own lies because ur believing in a fantasy.

LOL Big Red..

Sorry tiger I disagree.. if I did believe in it I wouldn't be in as much pain as I am.. and I could BEGIN to let go.. this I am not able to do because they are living and I know it. I keep hoping one will arrive on my doorstep and want to talk. As long as we are all alive I am sure I will feel this way.

u disagree? really? oook lots of proof from mental health professionals that can support and back it up. that is why lying is such a dangerous thing to do. im not sure about u, but my parents are narcissis lie everyday since they wed long ago. they can't even tell the truth even if God could touch them! one minute what they say may be true yet in the same breath a lie!

i mean im sure u have seen what lying has done to ppl and what kind of word they live in. my parents can't keep their lies straight they have been living in a fantasy for years don't even know reality. everybody else are considered to be insane but not them and they wonder why their own kids plus other relatives want nothing to do with them.

if i were u, id read some books on mental health. i had an ex friend who was narcissistic as well. saying ur daughters died in a car wreck believing in it and realizing its not true, u basically did believe in a fantasy lie u created. well, ur post did sound really disturbing....

I've been thinking about this thread for a few days now. As ladytiger said it is disturbing..I think you would agree that parts are.

I think you need to come to grips with the fact that you cannot go back and change the past. You cannot "fix" or change the past either with words. Once you realize this you will feel more peace.

What you can do is make yourself the best person that you can be today. Then you can try to approach your daughters and ask to another chance. Maybe send each a simple letter saying that now they are adults you would like to establish some sort of relationship with them.

But for your sanity you have to accept that the past is done. And accept that your daughters are adults and have the right to decide who is in their lives. Doesn't mean that it won't make you sad or that you won't wish for things. But it means you accept their rights and forget the past.

ladytiger, im sorry for the problems u have had with ur parents. but roberlie is not ur parents, her situation is different from urs. it sounds like ur parents lied to everyone they know about every thing. witch u r rite is wrong. what roberlie was saying was that she tried to lie to herself to get rid of the pain, but it didnt work. probly because she is nothing like ur parents. if she were then it would have worked. its very easy to read someones post here and see something from our own lives and assume that the situation r the same, but just like all the nice people here everyones situation is different.

Hi Roberlie. You need a big hug ((((Roberlie)))). I feel much empathy for you and what you are going through.

I know your pain. While my situation is/was not exactly like yours (I didn't have to deal with their father's turning them against me). I am dealing with a daughter who wants little to nothing to do with me.

Like you, I wasn't the perfect parent and I made plenty of mistakes. LIke you, I have apologized and done all I can to "make" my daughter love me, to no avail.

Your at such an unfair advantage because their father/fam are actively turning your children against you. That is not fair...people change and deserve a second chance!

Many of the mistakes I made were as a result from coming from an alcoholic home and not having good role models as parents.

I feel embarrassed too because I live in a complex and have to watch other mother's enjoying time spent with their daughters. And I try to explain why my daughter does'nt come around or usually I just say we are not close.

Sorry, I don't have much wisdom on this. I don't know how old your children are. Maybe give it more time and some may come around once they realize how deceptive their father/fam is.

There is always hope hon, never give up. Things change, people change! Take care of you