Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I'm incredibly conflicted right now. I want to tell my family I got married but I'm afraid of how they're going to react. I met my husband and married him in April. I tried to introduce the idea to my mother, by initially telling her I was dating him. The first question she asked was if he had a greencard...(I've been married once before and had to deal with immigration in the past). I'm afraid they will think that he's just using me, but he's actually a great man. I think they would love him if they got to know him. My husband is South Asian and also Muslim, and I come from a Catholic family. My mother already has poor views on Islam and since mentioning that I was dating him, she kept sharing news articles that reflected his home country in poor ways. I'm also currently in a lot of debt because I've never held a good job, and recently had to move so I'm in between jobs. I've been supporting my husband since he currently doesn't have a work permit yet. I feel awful for not having told my family the truth, but I didn't want them to judge my husband. I want to tell them the truth, but I'm just so afraid of their reaction. I don't even know how to start...
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
I'd like to congratulate you on your new marriage! However, you need strict advice now. I hope for you blissful moments; however, what lies ahead will take great faith, courage & determination immediately beyond the confusion which you are feeling as of this moment.
It's expected to feel confused now because your family will clearly have pressing questions for you, especially those that are centered on your timing in the light of this new relationship. After all, it seems suspicious that you've been newly married secretly for several weeks already. And it appears that this marriage may have happened through impulsive behavior & irrational desires; otherwise, you would not be so fretful with opening up to family. Possibly you expect that your family has seriously cautioned you to avoid such ways of impulsive behavior before, and they will look rather closely at this time in the same view as the downfall of the previous marriage, which may be all too familiar, as this new relationship bears a similar background as the failure of the previous marriage, by insight of family. Even with my own understanding of what you describe here in your writing, I find it odd that you would marry without first considering securing sufficient work & depleting old debts. Indeed this is an interesting conversation piece for family discussion. Could be that the fieldwork of getting you on your feet is a part of your family's concern too, and which this idea may be the reason that you withheld the news for awhile, because you foresee a possible need for their help. I am sure that you already understand how important it is to have a good plan ahead of joining in with someone who's already at risk for a rough roadbed. Expect this same reaction from family. Look at the headlights: You are between jobs, debt ridden and possibly your husband is just as uncertain as you are about the future. Generally, people hope to marry by less stressful conditions & you are sadly in contrast to that perspective at the moment. However, speaking openly with family is in your favor, as they may see it as duty to help you cope with your financial circumstances; though it is difficult to understand why you were not clearly prepared for this marriage. Still, love is blind. Be strong & open up with the news. In effect, the fear of a good lesson is what's disjointed with your wise mind to tell. That I can see, go on and take the heat. Sorry for that.
Best to you...be of strong faith. Good things may soon happen, in spite of your dread to open up, expect understanding from family...ℛℰℳ¡Åℋ... ✘♥✘♥
I think you are going to have a lot to face..... Have you even talked to immigration yet?...... If you are old enough to get married you should simply tell your family whether they agree of not is water under the bridge.... You're already married so there isn't anything to discuss
Your family have chosen to be Catholic..... That's their choice.... Just like your faith or not is your choice.... I have always believed that if God gives us free will people shouldn't try and take it away if we aren't hurting anyone else
If you can see an immigration lawyer even once for a consult it may help you to know what you will be facing re trying to have your husband become a citizen
Your family is a different matter. You've got two issues piled on top of each other here, an interracial marriage sort of and marrying someone of a different faith. Supporting your husband is what every single one of us did when our spouses moved to the states. As you mentioned, he's not eligible to work, so there is no other choice. If they get judgy over that, it's on them.
About potential racial discrimination. Target your efforts to the one person that matters, your husband. Even the most racist people are more prone to think of their one family member as an exception to all the garbage they read and think about a minority. Just get them to see him an honest person with good values. Focus on him individually when you talk and if they try to generalize remind them of unflattering stereotypes about Americans and how he didn't let that get in the way of loving you. Most people don't like to seem more racist than the person they object to. Be smart and used every advantage you can get.
About Religion. You both believe in God. It's not like you married an atheist or a Buddhist. Remind them that we're all God's children and what is done is done. Make it clear your decision has been made and you are not interested in an annulment or anything they are going to want you to consider. Make it clear that you will not permit them to meet your husband or be around them until they feel they are able to be respectful. Remember, you husband can't fight your family. He has to rely upon you to take a firm stand and protect him from their verbal abuse.
Make the first meeting in a public place. If that is not possible, insist they come to your home. Do you put him in their environment. It will be an unequalized power dynamic. Have him meet any brothers or sisters who you feel might be an ally first, then make sure they are at the meet the parents dinner at a nice family restaurant.
Take things slowly and put your husband first. Your family may not like it but they will respect you and understand your are committed if you don't act like naughty teen seeking their approval. You control you own fate. This might be the most important moment of your life. Put your big girl panties on and make it happen. You want this all behind you if and when kids come along, that way your family won't think they use the kids against him.
PM if you need guidance on immigration. My hubbie is British and white as snow but I have some inside info about the process.
I wanted to congratulate you on your new marriage. I think it's great and very brave of you to go after your heart, and what brings you happiness. There are so many things in life that bring us down and cause despair. There is always a hurdle to get over, and a problem that needs to be solved. When your able to discover things/people that make you feel complete, joyful, and gives you something to look forward to in life its worth celebrating. I hate that your caught in this bitter sweet place where you aren't able to fully enjoy this new chapter in your life. I hope that you find the courage and strength to talk to your family, and I hope they have the courage and strength to set aside their differences and embrace new opportunities. Good luck to you and move forward with no regrets.