Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My sister and I had a rather pointed disagreement a few weeks ago that led to her calling me all sorts of names. That's nothing new, but it hurt quite a bit and made me realize a lot of very fundamental things about our relationship. I haven't spoken to her since, no email, removed her from Facebook etc. She sent me an email today apologizing saying "it went too far".
Now I'm supposed to say, I'm sure from her perspective, awe that's okay. But it's not okay. Things are fundamentally different now and there's no going back and no way for it to be anything like it was before. I know who she is now, I know what our relationship has been based on all these years and there's not much there for me I want. I haven't even tried to write her these last few weeks because I just didn't see the point. She'll never get it; she'll never understand the dynamic she's been a part of.
For the life of me I have nothing to say to her. I have no response. I can't think of a thing to say that she's understand. My whole life was based on some pretty impossible hopes and wishes and that's all gone now.
What do I say to her?
Now I'm supposed to say, I'm sure from her perspective, awe that's okay. But it's not okay. Things are fundamentally different now and there's no going back and no way for it to be anything like it was before. I know who she is now, I know what our relationship has been based on all these years and there's not much there for me I want. I haven't even tried to write her these last few weeks because I just didn't see the point. She'll never get it; she'll never understand the dynamic she's been a part of.
For the life of me I have nothing to say to her. I have no response. I can't think of a thing to say that she's understand. My whole life was based on some pretty impossible hopes and wishes and that's all gone now.
What do I say to her?
It sounds like this is an ongoing thing for some time now. I think what I would do is forgive her - BUT I would set limits as to how you will allow her to treat you in the future. Demand the same respect you give to her. It will do your soul a lot more good to get this behind you instead of harboring the hurtful feelings and denying yourself of a relationship with your sister.
Build on what you do have from now on. Let go of the past.
Best of luck :)
She threw all sorts of bizzare things into that apology that honestly, wasn't an apology. She did not say "I didn't mean what I said". All she said by way of apology was "It went too far." Then she thew in this crap about how she's trying to be more spiritual and this apology is part of her process. In short, the underlying jab to her apology is that "I'm a spiritual person who's going to rise about the fact that you're upset about my saying all those nasty things about you."
Deep breath. She does not understand that she's bullied me her entire life. She doesn't see that. She doesn't realize that this was just more of the same. I don't believe she'll ever understand that as the central issue between us.
I need to find to figure out what to say and say it without using accusing language. In short it all has to be "I" stuff. Course the problem with that is that she already believes I'm self centered, LOL. Nothing I say or do will really matter or get through to her. That's why a response is so hard to formulate; in the end it won't matter what i say and I know it. It's a pointless exercise that I will do just for me.