First thing to realize is that you cannot judge families by a few moments you see in passing. Looks can be deceiving. Even people who have killed their children have photos of happy moments. Also people tend to lie about things like vacations. They paint a happy picture because it's easier than explaining the truth.

One way to combat these feelings is to make your own memories. Fourth of July is coming up and I hear people talking about vacations and going to the beach and watching fireworks. If this isn't going to happen with your family you should find some friends and make your own party. Invite a few friends to join you for a picnic and then watch fireworks. You will be surprised to find that there are lots of people who have nothing to do and would love to be invited.

Another option is to volunteer. Shelters are always looking for help. You can surround yourself with people who need and appreciate you.

All good advice.

I didn't have a good family growing up. But what I did was work on myself and stopped the cycle with me.

I now have two beautiful children and a loving husband.

My parents are toxic and can't enjoy MY family, but at least I made a difference in the future with mine.

I'd not look back, but look forward to creating in yourself what you want to have.

Been there, too. Cried a lot over the years....grieving for what I didn't have growing up. I have tried hard to make my own memories in hopes to erase the past...but the past is always there and manages to surface in different ways.

As a parent, my grieving took a new level. Even though I am so happy and proud to be able to give my daughters what I didn't have...I am sad at times that I wasn't able to have that as a child. I try really hard now to be good to myself both mentally and physically.

It is also difficult for me to swallow seeing grandparent involvement amongst my peers -- meaning the peers of my age are having their parents be present in their kids lives. There is nobody on my side to fill those shoes. On my husband's side....his mom only wants him and not our daughters. It breaks my heart.

Not going to throw myself a pity party and neither should you. You are a good and caring person. Don't wait for others to make you feel good -- family or not -- only you can make yourself feel good. And, only you can make others feel good when you feel good about yourself.

*hugs*

I agree that you can't judge other families by what you see at a public event. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. You can't compare your INSIDES with their OUTSIDES. People tend to put their best foot forward in public. And as for those Hallmark cards that talk about Mother's Day and Father's Day, they are a CROCK. Nobody had that wonderful a childhood. Trust me!!!!

I was told recently by a childhood friend I all ways thought you had the perfect family. He was surprised. I actually had a mom who's mind is so twisted. Some of the things that happened in m home was sick and crazy. Mostly mental abuse. We were anything but normal. I all ways looked at others and thought why cant my family be more normal. Why cant we have a family get together. We never really know what goes on behind closed doors.

I think all families have issues, some issues are worse than others. I know how you feel though. I could never admit it to anyone that knows me, but I feel a lot of shame when it comes to my family. And I feel horrible for feeling that way. I try to understand that parents are just human and they went through things in life that made them who they are today. Unfortunately some experiences change people for the worse rather than the better. I just don't think that is an excuse to treat others poorly. Surrounding yourself with good people is helpful.

I think there are many happy, well-adjusted families out there, and there is no reason why you cannot be a part of your own happy, well-adjusted family. All you have to do is join one, or create your own. When you have good friends or co-workers, many will invite you to their family get-togethers and holidays. If you get along well with them - you may want to become part of their extended family. My daughters had friends who wanted to be with our family, and we are all still close to this day. If you decide to get married and have children later, you will, of course, be creating your own family. It is important to be positive and not think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Have a great day!

Hi! I also think that it is a good idea to try to start to make your own memories, traditions and hollidays! :) Try to make a plan for the future. What to you want,and how will you get it? Take smal steps toward what you want! How do you want to spend the hollidays? How do you wish life were? And what steps do you need to take to get there? You can have a family in the future. Start planing for it! What kind of ppl would you want to have in your future family? Do you like sports? Books? Movies etc? If you are a sporty person for example, try to start to surround you with ppl who like the same thing! Join a sports team, volonter at some sport event... Make a list of sporty things you want to do and where you think the ppl that you might want to have in your future family and as friends in your life are right now? Do you love sports, if we continue with that, try to go to fun sporting events where you can meet ppl that loves the same thing... If you dont meet your future husband you might meet your future friends! By not having a family you have "lost" someting and it is hard!!!! But it is also an oportunity for you to MAKE your life as YOU want it!!! Take smal steps in the right direction towards what you want! Make lists, lists of goals you want, for example have a family, have a fun halloween, chrisitmas etc... and then make lists of the steps you can take to achive the goals. Like if you wish to have a futur husband how likes to play soccer with your kids in the weekends... Where can you meet ppl like that? How? Can you join a team? Train a team? Volonteer at a game? If you want to have good tanksgiving food, maybe join a cooking class and meet ppl who likes to cook and get friends there with which you might can celebrate tanksgiving in the future! For me, when I feel crappy about the same as you, I watch tv series like Friends and The big bang theory.... They didnt have families to celebrate with, they did it in their group of friends.... I know its scary, and I know its hard, and some days you will be sad, and thats ok, but make a plan and keep it. Make a list of goals, and make a list of smal steps you can do to achive that goal. The past might be crappy, but you can make the future a good place! You can stop the circle! You can give your future kids the childhood you wich you had! You can get the family your parents couldnt give you! You can get YOUR family! And by doing that you might inspire the family you have in the past to change their lives and become better too! :)

You sound like a genuinely nice person, don't let passing appearances of 'happy families' dishearten you. I'm sure there are very happy families but if you realise you can always look at it a different way...

a) every families have their problems no-one likes to show it, especially in public

b) The fact that you desire a 'happy' family shows you have the determination, remember: where there's a will, there's a way!

c) Always imagine what you want, don't focus on the negative things; that's not where you want to go.

d) I have cried a lot, but it doesn't do much, if you can, try to communicate more with your own family.

e) Usually favoritism is unintentional, it may seem like it, but often, mothers/ fathers love their children, try to think what it would be like to be in his/ her position.

f) Always try to appreciate what you have, it may seem the worst advice ever, but remember there are people with absolutely nothing, no food, no home, no water, no family. Draw inspiration from your hardships, look on the internet for a role model, always tell yourself you can be better, if someone hurts you, there's no need hating/ pitying them, focus on what is important to you and like Mahatma Ghandi, develop your circle of influence meaning understand other people's perspectives, train yourself to be courageous, make decisions wisely, talk with friends, exchange advice, do anything even if it seems silly as long as it's not destructive/ negative to build your sense of confidence/ self-worth.
g) Once you have gained more confidence and become more open to advice, be patient- good things come to those who wait- always stick true to your values, what's important and you will make the right decisions.


Sorry it's a bit long, but I hope I have given some worthwhile advice to you. Remember you are capable of doing anything, believe you can improve the situation, look at the situation differently, gain confidence and then, use your judgement, is there anything you can do better or are not doing?

Good luck,

Alice

A lot said about those "happy families" or as I call them "obsessed with appearances" families. There are people out there who go as far as they could just to make sure they look certain way. Furthermore, some people put shows and displays their "happiness" as a way of felling better than other people.

So don't waste your time looking at those "happy families". What's more, as others suggest, you can work on creating your own memories. My family will never look great at picnic, so I try to create my own family of choice, one where I truly enjoy being around.

Some of us didn't have the fortune of having a good family. But we don't have to deal with saving face at every cost either, which is as (or more) damaging. Some of those family members would give anything to have the opportunity of crying the way you can.