Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
As time goes by, I become more and more aware of the mental scars my mother has left on me. She was not the kind to beat me - nothing was ever physical - it was all mental. Y'know, the stuff no one else sees.
I am afraid of my mother; but, if that's true, then why can't I leave her?
My boyfriend lives with us because he wants to live with me. He's begged me to move into his parent's house. I have considered it, a lot... Yet, for some reason, I cannot.
First, I compared the positives to the negatives....
POSITIVES:
1. I would not have to live with my mother.
2. If I lived with his parents, I wouldn't have to worry about getting bothered because his family is very private. (I'm a bit of a hermit, to say the least)
3. My boyfriend will be much happier because he hates my family, for obvious reasons.
NEGATIVES:
1. Their house is always dirty, so I fear I will get sick all the time. My boyfriend got sick a lot when he lived there.
2. I would have to leave my dogs at my mother's house... I worry she won't take care of them.
3. I don't trust their cleaning abilities. Every time I go over, dishes are filthy and piling in the sink; so, I would have to get my own dishes and handle them separately.
4. I would be sharing a bathroom with my boyfriend's brother... ugh...
5. They don't really keep a full fridge or pantry because they get takeout all the time. I like to at least be relatively healthy with my diet; so, that would be a pain.
6. Parking is limited, so my car will most likely sit on the street, very likely to be vandalized or stolen.
7. I most likely will never leave the bedroom and we all know that is not healthy....
8. It may hurt my mother.
9. If I live... I may never get to come back. (who's to say things will work out?)
As you can see, the negatives are really high. To me, they are all really important reasons, too. I basically deal with my mother because I don't think I will be happier living with my boyfriend. Naturally, we are trying to get better jobs so we can get our own place, but Lord knows how hard that is...
In your opinion, is this comparable to stockholm syndrome, but with my mother, or am I really better off staying with her?
I am afraid of my mother; but, if that's true, then why can't I leave her?
My boyfriend lives with us because he wants to live with me. He's begged me to move into his parent's house. I have considered it, a lot... Yet, for some reason, I cannot.
First, I compared the positives to the negatives....
POSITIVES:
1. I would not have to live with my mother.
2. If I lived with his parents, I wouldn't have to worry about getting bothered because his family is very private. (I'm a bit of a hermit, to say the least)
3. My boyfriend will be much happier because he hates my family, for obvious reasons.
NEGATIVES:
1. Their house is always dirty, so I fear I will get sick all the time. My boyfriend got sick a lot when he lived there.
2. I would have to leave my dogs at my mother's house... I worry she won't take care of them.
3. I don't trust their cleaning abilities. Every time I go over, dishes are filthy and piling in the sink; so, I would have to get my own dishes and handle them separately.
4. I would be sharing a bathroom with my boyfriend's brother... ugh...
5. They don't really keep a full fridge or pantry because they get takeout all the time. I like to at least be relatively healthy with my diet; so, that would be a pain.
6. Parking is limited, so my car will most likely sit on the street, very likely to be vandalized or stolen.
7. I most likely will never leave the bedroom and we all know that is not healthy....
8. It may hurt my mother.
9. If I live... I may never get to come back. (who's to say things will work out?)
As you can see, the negatives are really high. To me, they are all really important reasons, too. I basically deal with my mother because I don't think I will be happier living with my boyfriend. Naturally, we are trying to get better jobs so we can get our own place, but Lord knows how hard that is...
In your opinion, is this comparable to stockholm syndrome, but with my mother, or am I really better off staying with her?
--EJ
Regardless I think it's time for you to move out. Get a job, save some money and get your own place. Because going from one bad place to another is not the answer.
I agree with Tigg also. It's not wise to move into an unhealthy environment and his parents home sounds a bit dysfunctional. They may be nice people but their home doesn't sound too pleasant a place to visit never mind live in.
For now, buckle down, do what you can to get a better paying job, save your money and then make the decision if you and BF are still together to move out on your own and share expenses.
You haven't provided much info as to what your issues are with your mother and that's your business but it makes it hard to give better advice where we don't know more background.
You've made a false "either or" situation.
What about the option of moving out... on your own???
If you're not ready for that, I'd side with living with family. Sit Mom down and tell her how you feel and negotiate new living standards and sign a lease to protect yourself emotionally.
I don't see Stockholm syndrome here. It sounds like you are aware of the downside of continuing to live with her.
Agree with what many others have said: You may be mentally limiting your options to either/ or your parents or his.
Sometimes even a small studio may be affordable or looking at other family or friends who may be able to allow you to board for reasonable rent.
Also, what does your boyfriend think of living with your mom?
Anyway, good luck in your decision;not an easy one
Don't go and live at your boy friend's houseit sounds disgusting I don't think you would be happy. Maybe he doesn't like it there either!
The deal breaker for me would be having to leave my dogs behind, especially if you are worried that they might not be looked after properly.
Good luck.