Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Some of you might remember my story from the B&D group a few months back. I was so strong! So ready to leave! Then I got lonely- gave him another chance.
DH has this online gaming addiction- spends about $1000/ month on it, this is about 1/4 our income.
I just learned about this recently, when he drained our savings and overdrafted our joint bank account. He'd always told me it was a free game (it is- but the cheats he buys for it, apparently, are not.) He had me convinced I was buying too many groceries (I was unaware of our monthly income- he'd told me it was less, and I'd believed him.)
He's a disabled vet, PTSD. He "bled" for this money, as he likes to say.
After kicking him out of the house for a few weeks, he came back with the agreement that he would give me my share of money each month- enough to pay for groceries and other expenses. He would still pay bills and would have a small amount of his own money for gas and other expenses.
I should have taken complete control of finances, I know.
So what happened? Well, his share wasn't enough to cover his addiction. So he took out a loan. I had already closed our joint bank account and opened my own in an attempt to keep our finances separate. Now I found out my name is on his Armed Forces bank account. Why? I'm not sure. He's never allowed me access to it. Maybe so he can take out loans using my credit?
Is there a way to keep finances completely separate in a marriage? Can I keep him from using my credit for any purposes? I know I need to take total control of the finances, and he's agreed to this. I just need to know he's not using money we don't have behind my back.
DH has this online gaming addiction- spends about $1000/ month on it, this is about 1/4 our income.
I just learned about this recently, when he drained our savings and overdrafted our joint bank account. He'd always told me it was a free game (it is- but the cheats he buys for it, apparently, are not.) He had me convinced I was buying too many groceries (I was unaware of our monthly income- he'd told me it was less, and I'd believed him.)
He's a disabled vet, PTSD. He "bled" for this money, as he likes to say.
After kicking him out of the house for a few weeks, he came back with the agreement that he would give me my share of money each month- enough to pay for groceries and other expenses. He would still pay bills and would have a small amount of his own money for gas and other expenses.
I should have taken complete control of finances, I know.
So what happened? Well, his share wasn't enough to cover his addiction. So he took out a loan. I had already closed our joint bank account and opened my own in an attempt to keep our finances separate. Now I found out my name is on his Armed Forces bank account. Why? I'm not sure. He's never allowed me access to it. Maybe so he can take out loans using my credit?
Is there a way to keep finances completely separate in a marriage? Can I keep him from using my credit for any purposes? I know I need to take total control of the finances, and he's agreed to this. I just need to know he's not using money we don't have behind my back.
Then go over to the D.S. board for Family & Friends of Addicts (they are for all types of addicts, including gamblers) and get on that board and learn. Addicts are born liars.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Families-and-Friends-Of-Addicts/support-group
Unfortunately, while you are still married, any loans or cc debit that your husband acquires is also your debt to pay. If they can't get monies from him, they'll come after you. The only way out of having the responsibility of his debt is to get a legal separation. Anything after that, is his debt and his debt only. I'd do what ATG stated and get a credit report done soon to see where credit rating stands today.
Addicts of any kind will do whatever it takes and go to whatever measures they need to, even to the extreme to obtain what they need.
I would definitely seek out legal advice and soon.
PD
http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/protect-good-credit-after-marriage-29815.html
https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp
Also, here's a better article for marriage debt by Nolo
http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/debt-marriage-owe-spouse-debts-29572.html
PD
Yes, it depends upon the state. I'm sure I read that if you can prove that the debt is only the one spouse's, then the other can't be held liable, but it may vary from state to state.