My husband and I have been married for several years and have two small kids. He has a hard time spending too much time with my family for too long of a time. My preference is to invite and include family such as grandparents/siblings for holidays, birthdays and sometimes vacations. I grew up sharing holidays with lots of extended family and he did not. His family barely kept in touch with extended family. He feels strongly about having some holiday/vacation time just our nuclear family. He says he wants to have time for just us and make our own traditions. I can understand this to a point. We have both been trying to compromise (even going as far as to plan out holidays/vacations so we get a mix of what we both want), but it still feels like we end up clashing over it all the time. 

On top of us clashing over how to spend holidays/vacations, he says he doesn't feel like he can really be himself or relax with my family and that he doesn't think my family truly cares about him. He says my mom always talks over him/interrupts and my sister makes him feel like a bigot. He says they make all the plans without asking for his input. He thinks I will just go along with whatever they want. He does make an effort to spend time with them but I can see it's difficult for him and he sometimes ends up making a snippy comment that makes me feel really awkward. They came over for Christmas but he didn't want them to make of the dinner and I think it made them feel bad because they wanted to contribute. It's really hard because it makes me anxious to get together with my parents and sibling with him, even though I want so badly for all of us to be able to spend time together as one big happy family.

When talking about my birthday plans, I asked if it's okay if invite my sibling and their partner to dinner. He said it was fine but then later he asked if I really needed to invite them because we were going to see them a week or so later when my parents came to town again. I felt like he was trying to talk me out of asking them. He said it was my birthday and I could invite whomever I want to dinner, but I know he would just really prefer it to be us and the kids. Part of me feels bad because I want it to be a nice time for everyone and don't want him to be uncomfortable, but the other part of me is frustrated that he would try to talk me out of it or suggest a different plan. 

I feel bad that he feels uncomfrotable with my family but it sucks feeling like I'm in the middle sometimes. I suggested that maybe he jsit down with the family members he has an issue with and confront them directly in the nicest way possible so that maybe they can actually have a better relationship. He agreed this might be the best option.

I asked him to do marriage counseling with me in the past. He really didn't want to do it but did a handful of sessions with me. After that he wanted to stop because he didn't think it helped at all. I go to therapy on my own, but he is adamant that it would not help him. I just don't know what to do or where we go from here. I feel very sad and stuck.