Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am new to this group and am in need of some advice.
My husband and I have been thru hell and back these past 2 yrs, we almost lost the house, car got repo'd etc etc. He lost his job and had temp jobs here and there. And it jst wasnt enought with just my income. Long story short.
We are on our way to recovery and I mentioned to him that I wanted to take OUR daughter to Disney next year. Since she has been there thru it all. We couldnt take her to the movies, train rides, zoo etc due to lack of money. But she never complained about it.
However, it will be pretty expensive is we go and take his 2 older boys (18,15 from a previous relationship) So I mentioned to him to let us 3 go only since we will be doing this for her.
A little background on the step kids....they dont come around hardly. They only really come around during the holidays because of the gifts and when they need gas money. Their relationship was really rocky and just not really there. I've dealt with BS from them, the kids mom, my husband family.
So I feel that I should not spend my money or stall on a trip for us because of them. It will cost us almost 5K to take them. We dont have that type of money.
He got mad becase I said that. Am I in the wrong? I just want to get away with jist MY family.
My husband and I have been thru hell and back these past 2 yrs, we almost lost the house, car got repo'd etc etc. He lost his job and had temp jobs here and there. And it jst wasnt enought with just my income. Long story short.
We are on our way to recovery and I mentioned to him that I wanted to take OUR daughter to Disney next year. Since she has been there thru it all. We couldnt take her to the movies, train rides, zoo etc due to lack of money. But she never complained about it.
However, it will be pretty expensive is we go and take his 2 older boys (18,15 from a previous relationship) So I mentioned to him to let us 3 go only since we will be doing this for her.
A little background on the step kids....they dont come around hardly. They only really come around during the holidays because of the gifts and when they need gas money. Their relationship was really rocky and just not really there. I've dealt with BS from them, the kids mom, my husband family.
So I feel that I should not spend my money or stall on a trip for us because of them. It will cost us almost 5K to take them. We dont have that type of money.
He got mad becase I said that. Am I in the wrong? I just want to get away with jist MY family.
Both of you must stop fighting about money and realize your child is watching you handle all this. Agree that Disney is off limits.
Because of what happened and because you have one child and he has two boys that are 15 and 18--do you two have an emergency fund set up in case either of you is laid off, is fired, your home burns down, or some other tragedy occurs? I'm not talking about homeowners insurance or life insurance, I'm talking about an emergency fund that you could get your hands on IMMEDIATELY at the bank.
Suze Orman is recommending about 8 months of salary put away--but I'm seeing people struggling past 8 months and it would be safe to put one year of salary away.
If you haven't got that, then spending money on a vacation isn't a good idea right now. You can do some day trips. Kids don't need expensive trips. They can manage on trips to museums where YOU research ahead of time and give them questions that they will have find the answers to and come home and give you the answers.
Our local park at certain times of the year has migrating Canadian Geese flying in and landing in the lake at about 12 at a time and it is spectacular to watch--like planes coming in on runways. In fact, they fly over my place in packs of about 12 and the cats and I watch them flying over my place and they are so loud with their honking. It's spectacular.
Break out your imagination and show your child and perhaps the other kids that fun doesn't need to cost a lot of money.
I totally get where you are coming from regarding the older boys going with you on the trip..but..I agree with what AsTimeGoesBy said about the emergency money...One never knows what will happen, so...just my 2 cents..can you hold off on the trip til you stash away some money for a rainy day..ect..this way you and your husband can tell the older boys they are invited to join you on the trip...however, they will have to save their own money as well ..for spending ,ect...I don't know if this is possible..but, can your husband speak with the EX and ask her to go 1/2 on the cost of the trip? That, to me, is more than fair...that gives the EX time to save for the cost ...they are her boys as well.
As for the weight comment...tell him if he wants to start stuff, there is plenty for you to say about his body as well..though you would prefer not to...as you know how hurtful it is when he does it to you!
Personally, I think it would be really crappy to suggest that only one out of his three kids can come on a trip. You're asking him to choose, and that's not fair. Since he already has a rocky relationship, if they heard that Dad's taking their half sibling to WDW and they're not invited, it'll only make it worse. Cut them some slack- they're teenage boys from a broken home; what do you expect. And you knew this when you married him.
But NO man should comment on his wife's shape like that. That's mean, insensitive and a horrible way to treat his woman. I'd be tempted to tell him that you butt only LOOKS big when it's compared to his tiny d!ck... See how he likes that.
But seriously- no trip. And only bring it up again when you can afford -- both financially and emotionally -- to bring your daughter's brothers.
And...he's been making MY lunch lately lol! He did apologize and ofcourse I accepted it. But he also promised NOT to do that shit again!
LOTS OF HUGS to all