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husband b-day vs. brother party

Apple2014
Apple2014
I'm not sure what to do...need help. My brother is very self centered and is throwing himself a going away party (he is being deployed in less then 2 months) on the same night as my husbands birthday. Now I appreciate his service very much but he only thinks of himself and is very disrespectful to everyone. My husband and brother mutually dont get along...mainly cause my hubby is tired of all the crap along the years. I feel torn but I think the best thing to do is spend the evening with my husband and skip the party. I worry what people will think but I think it is disrespectful of my brother. I tried to remind my brother of my husbands b-day but he doesn't care....which upsets me he could have his party another night!!! Thoughts?? I thought about sending a card and 12 pack with my parents for him???
pd2012
pd2012
I think the decision would be based on what type of family dynamic you have. Is your family close even though your brother has had issues in the past?

For me, my brother's deployment party would come first since the country is at war and could be the last time I was able to spend time with him. But, as I said prior, it all depends on how close the both of you are and past experiences with personality issues in the family.
Apple2014
Apple2014
My family is pretty close. I will have weeks to spend time with him...he's just gonna have a drunk fest...so really its not time with him!
annieheart
annieheart
Maybe you could stop by earlier in the day to say good by to him or the day before. We have a couple of war heroes in our family. One was not a nice person before he joined the service and still is not since he came out.He joined the service to get away from a dysfunctional family.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'd ask your husband and let him know that you want to spend the night with him. You never know, your husband might want to go to the party for a little while and then go out on your own.
DeliAnnem
DeliAnnem
Well, I'm just being practical, but if your brother is LEAVING, then if you snub him, he's gone. But you have to LIVE with your husband...

Who cares what others think- it's your brother's fault. He has several weekends from which to choose, but it sounds like he did it on purpose. Does he expect you to leave your own house/party to cow tow to him?

And I'd not want to even send a 12 pack to contribute to a "drunk fest."

I think you already know how you feel and just need some permission to do it. You have my full support.

If you really feel bad, invite him over for a home cooked meal so you can spend some quality time with him instead. That's more meaningful than a beer binge anyway.
Apple2014
Apple2014
DeliAnnem- You hit the nail on the head....I just need to hear from someone outside that I'm not wrong for this decision. I have spent all morning worrying because some of the posts above made me feel even more guilty and torn. I do need someone's permission. I did think about doing a home cooked meal and think that would be best. Thank you for your support, it really does mean a lot!!!
DeliAnnem
DeliAnnem
Others may judge you, but they are not married to your husband and I feel the if a marriage isn't solid, then everything else falls apart. Do what you and your husband need to do. And I hope he has a happy birthday. : )
Sparkie119
Sparkie119
no brainer...HUBBY.... brother is a big boy. Send a card, some pictures, a hand written note letting him know how special he is to you and keep it moving. When brother gets a wife... he will know.

Any way to break up the day?...may special breakfast or event with hubby then a stop over at yopur brothers party in the evening?
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