Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
A little background if you haven't seen my other posts...Hubby and I have been married for a little over 7 years. We have two young kids (one has an autism spectrum disorder). He owns 14% of the family business and his mother owns the remaining 86%. He is overworked to the point it is killing him (literally, according to his Dr. he'll have a heart attack before 40, he's currently 32, if he doesn't slow down and take care of himself) and makes less than half of what his mom does. She works long hours as well but will take time off that range from a week to over 2 months (when her daughter's son was born she watched her two healthy grandchildren because baby had a birth defect and was in the hospital...however, my opinion is she should have utilized people around her that were more than willing and qualified to babysit or at least made her son-in-law watch his own kids on his days off).
So, Hubby is doing an EXCELLENT job of putting boundaries in place with his mom. He's never been successful at sticking to them until recently. I've given him tons of praise and tried to show him I appreciate that he's able to put his kids and marriage before his mother's demands (finally!). The problem...his mother is making his life a living hell. I've always had the opinion that it's his mother and he needs to handle her the way he sees fit, but it's killing him and their relationship (the little that's left of it; they used to be close). My question is do I step in to take some of the heat off of him? If so, how do you recommend doing that? She knows it's killing him and that we are struggling financially to afford our daughter's therapy. She "pretends" to care to others but really doesn't have a clue about hubby's health or our daughter's recent struggles due to lack of therapy (school doesn't have adequate services...whole other post, lol and we are struggling to afford going to therapy which is 4-5 hours a way). Any ideas for dealing with my self-absorbed MIL? I swear she'd sell his soul if it benefited her financially.
So, Hubby is doing an EXCELLENT job of putting boundaries in place with his mom. He's never been successful at sticking to them until recently. I've given him tons of praise and tried to show him I appreciate that he's able to put his kids and marriage before his mother's demands (finally!). The problem...his mother is making his life a living hell. I've always had the opinion that it's his mother and he needs to handle her the way he sees fit, but it's killing him and their relationship (the little that's left of it; they used to be close). My question is do I step in to take some of the heat off of him? If so, how do you recommend doing that? She knows it's killing him and that we are struggling financially to afford our daughter's therapy. She "pretends" to care to others but really doesn't have a clue about hubby's health or our daughter's recent struggles due to lack of therapy (school doesn't have adequate services...whole other post, lol and we are struggling to afford going to therapy which is 4-5 hours a way). Any ideas for dealing with my self-absorbed MIL? I swear she'd sell his soul if it benefited her financially.
I found with my MIL that I had to specifically ask for help while she kissed her daughters feet. And I was made to feel guilty for the little help I asked for. I mean I think she wanted her grandchildren less than 5 times their whole life and you would think that I had asked her to watch them 24/7.
It's not easy to bring issues like this into the open. But if you write out what you want to say and then cross out half of that you should be left with some constructive info and a plan. Also if you present it clearly and calmly it woud be hard for her to not agree or at least consider some changes.
She threw a fit! She demanded he work the 70 hours a week because the business needed him there (in her opinion, she's mad he doesn't work later in the day and still go in early...he works 4:30am-5:30pm M-F and 6:30am-12:30pm Saturdays). She also made it crystal clear that the business can't afford a pay increase for him (which is true, however, her two daughters that don't work in the business should have their gas cards and debit cards taken away then in my opinion...but that's a different issue).
So, hubby started working just the 50 hours during the week about 2 weeks ago. He gets to work at 7:30am and leaves at 5:30pm M-F; on Saturdays he's only going in 2 times a month and only from 7am-Noon. She's being horrible about it to the point she's taking it out on employees, hubby, and me. I even witnessed her losing her cool with a difficult customer.
Hubby is doing a wonderful job with his new boundaries, but it's taking its toll on him. I love my husband and know that business means alot to him (even though he has no guarantee to it...when his mom dies the part she owns is split amongst all the siblings and he will need to buy it from them if he wants it...mind you none of them work and put money into the business or sign their names on the loans at the bank...hubby does all of that and more).
Also, to make matters worse...one of the employees just quit (literally, as I was typing this I got a text from her saying she turned in her 2 weeks to my MIL) because she's getting a divorce and moving out of state (back close to her family). Now, there's even more stress on hubby because his mother hires for that position but she says it will take 2-3 months to hire a replacement. **Sigh**
And if all else fails maybe it's time for your husband to find a new job or start his own business. I bet a hint of that to mommy will make her take notice/
Thank you for the replies. It is comforting to hear your ideas.