Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I havent been on here in a while and i guess i need help again..
So the background..
Im now 18 turning 19 years old. Im the youngest of 3 children and i feel like im old enough to actually understand what has been going on through my years of growth. My mother has been struggling and staying strong for her kids and trying to stay faithful and committed to her marriage with my father for the past 20 some years. I've witnessed the arguments and bickering but never understood why.. Why.. After my oldest brother graduated high school, my dad moved me and my sister 9 hours away from all family and pretty much placed us in isolation for 7 years until i graduated and headed back down to where family is and also start college. Also coming to find out that, the Large house that he promised so much in was actually a method of banking all of his earnings from his international job and house bills. I always used to go into the office and noticed him writing numbers on the back of the calender and i noticed some 0s missing.. But anyway as time flowed and i stopped getting involved in my parents marriage, they came recently to a divorce. I didn't take much damage from it because.. Now my issue... Yea when i was a teenager, I F'd up, i got a couple charges and lost some trust. But that was about 3 years ago next month.. I've been battling back and forth to get my car back. It's all i asked for from my father.. My car, he refuses to pay insurance because its high i understand but at the same time, you gave it to my sister and she F'd it up in less than 7 days.... that's a different issue.. but I dont drain them of money like my older brother and sister. I don't even ask for clothes, because thats all i want. I work, i pull grades, i do everything i can do to get my insurance but nothing ever comes up. Last year he told me get honor roll and ill get the car.. instead when the divorce came around my mom told me to hold off getting a new car because i would be getting my car back. Instead he gave it to my sister for a little bit because her baby daddy wrecked her car.. understandable they have a baby.. but why give them my mustang.. MY CAR! anyway they f'd it up in 7 days had to drive it back down to where my dads new house is.... Yea New house.. My mom lives in a apartment, my dad got a new house.. new car.. travels internationally and has no issue with going to Europe tomorrow.. So now college has started back up, I learn my dad has cashed SOME of his stocks at his job, ranging over $150k, im not 100% on how much he has but i was told in the summer that i might have to sit out a year because of financial reasons.. My sister can't get a used car.. & his new puppy needs something to ride in... I feel like a new puppy is a higher priority than his own kids to my father... but anyway my last straw was that i need books for classes.. i sat in the bookstores long line for 30 mins, argued with him all the way to the register.. all i asked was which card to use because my bank card they put a restriction on because my ID had been stolen.. Except for answering the question he wanted to ask "Who stole my ID".. while im trying to pay for my books.. Never answered which card.. so i had to call my bank temporarily remove the restriction so i could pay for my books and there goes my hard worked money for the summer... My birthday is less than 10 days.. Me asking for clothes for the winter is doing too much.. I haven't bought anything for myself not even shoes in 3 years because i always had to rub nickles together to get by day by day... but then now labor day has came up and he wants to go to a football game after pretty much BS'ing me for the past 10 years of my life..
If somebody got through this please tell me how i should feel about it.
No, going to the football game to talk is not an option for me at the moment.
No, im not going to talk to him about my birthday gift.. He forgot my sisters birthday which was on the 23rd and said "he didnt consider anything for her birthday and wasnt really planning on it"..
Help me out, Stressed out and wanna know how i should go by about it. Really all ive done to suppress some stress while im at college is block his number so i dont gotta read or get his calls.
So the background..
Im now 18 turning 19 years old. Im the youngest of 3 children and i feel like im old enough to actually understand what has been going on through my years of growth. My mother has been struggling and staying strong for her kids and trying to stay faithful and committed to her marriage with my father for the past 20 some years. I've witnessed the arguments and bickering but never understood why.. Why.. After my oldest brother graduated high school, my dad moved me and my sister 9 hours away from all family and pretty much placed us in isolation for 7 years until i graduated and headed back down to where family is and also start college. Also coming to find out that, the Large house that he promised so much in was actually a method of banking all of his earnings from his international job and house bills. I always used to go into the office and noticed him writing numbers on the back of the calender and i noticed some 0s missing.. But anyway as time flowed and i stopped getting involved in my parents marriage, they came recently to a divorce. I didn't take much damage from it because.. Now my issue... Yea when i was a teenager, I F'd up, i got a couple charges and lost some trust. But that was about 3 years ago next month.. I've been battling back and forth to get my car back. It's all i asked for from my father.. My car, he refuses to pay insurance because its high i understand but at the same time, you gave it to my sister and she F'd it up in less than 7 days.... that's a different issue.. but I dont drain them of money like my older brother and sister. I don't even ask for clothes, because thats all i want. I work, i pull grades, i do everything i can do to get my insurance but nothing ever comes up. Last year he told me get honor roll and ill get the car.. instead when the divorce came around my mom told me to hold off getting a new car because i would be getting my car back. Instead he gave it to my sister for a little bit because her baby daddy wrecked her car.. understandable they have a baby.. but why give them my mustang.. MY CAR! anyway they f'd it up in 7 days had to drive it back down to where my dads new house is.... Yea New house.. My mom lives in a apartment, my dad got a new house.. new car.. travels internationally and has no issue with going to Europe tomorrow.. So now college has started back up, I learn my dad has cashed SOME of his stocks at his job, ranging over $150k, im not 100% on how much he has but i was told in the summer that i might have to sit out a year because of financial reasons.. My sister can't get a used car.. & his new puppy needs something to ride in... I feel like a new puppy is a higher priority than his own kids to my father... but anyway my last straw was that i need books for classes.. i sat in the bookstores long line for 30 mins, argued with him all the way to the register.. all i asked was which card to use because my bank card they put a restriction on because my ID had been stolen.. Except for answering the question he wanted to ask "Who stole my ID".. while im trying to pay for my books.. Never answered which card.. so i had to call my bank temporarily remove the restriction so i could pay for my books and there goes my hard worked money for the summer... My birthday is less than 10 days.. Me asking for clothes for the winter is doing too much.. I haven't bought anything for myself not even shoes in 3 years because i always had to rub nickles together to get by day by day... but then now labor day has came up and he wants to go to a football game after pretty much BS'ing me for the past 10 years of my life..
If somebody got through this please tell me how i should feel about it.
No, going to the football game to talk is not an option for me at the moment.
No, im not going to talk to him about my birthday gift.. He forgot my sisters birthday which was on the 23rd and said "he didnt consider anything for her birthday and wasnt really planning on it"..
Help me out, Stressed out and wanna know how i should go by about it. Really all ive done to suppress some stress while im at college is block his number so i dont gotta read or get his calls.
best of luck to you,
--EJ
I think you need a does of reality. People all over the world are dying of hunger, disease and war. You got the lottery by getting an education PLUS you admit you messed up in the past.
I'd not bite the hand that feeds you. I'd also consider doing some volunteer work in a foreign country so you appreciate all that you have. You should not be stressed- instead, I think you're just impatient to get whatever you think you are somehow entitled to get.
Sorry, but I think you need to hear that.
--EJ
Something's off here...
I see bi-polar in your bio. Are you? Could that be some of it? I'm sensing a lot of pain in your words and perhaps some skewd thinking?
But the one thing I DID love is that you say you are living a sober life. That's great. That will get you so much further than anything else. Way to go! : ) (I thought you needed some praise after all the whoop @ss I laid out on you!)
But let it be my sister or brother.. 500 for this bs.. 2000 for this bs.. let me explain the car. When i had first got my license i was given the Mustang to go work.. paid for gas . Then bought extra clothes & stuff but if i had no money that was the end of that . So i had to learn to budget myself. Been rubbing nickles for the past 5 years. NOW my sister & brother.. sisters has been through 2 totaled cars & a 2013 new buy , trashed her credit , & calls for any bit of money because SHE feels obligated to ask for everything. My oldest brother, now he can get in any situation & call & my dad would bail him out (well not now because he's to old now for my dad to do something about his action).. but let me get in anything.. i gotta sit in lock up for a couple days.. i gotta fix this or i gotta get myself out of a hole i put my self in . & for the Honesty of posts the streets & drugs was the helping end to support my high school needs.. that's why im glad to say im trying to live the sober life now.
Yall say i have a good dad & i used to believe it but the dad i have is the "i only sign the paper" dad.. He says it frequently & does not care what peoples comment about it because he can go across seas when he feels or travel the country when he feels.. ive been asking for a europe trip since he started going. . He started going 8 years ago when i first got moved away from my family.. now imagine how many fly miles 8 years could give constantly flying somewhere... but when i ask to go ANYWHERE its out of my pocket.. honestly for the people who has responded already, i want to feel like the spoiled child but i didnt get that luxury..
To answer deli's little question.. yes im bipolar & thank you because im really trying. & the volunteer work ive always done to really run away from home growing up..
" in me i believed ran out. . & tuition/books/housing/food/money when i want to go somewhere has my name on the bill not his.. The only bill that's in his name is the one that states if i can't pay my loans he is the one they go to next after i finish college.. so it's not like hes paying out of pocket for ANYTHING for me . I still have to go through all the financial aid bs for the next few years of my life.
1. Stay in college.
2. Stay sober.
3. The mustang was a gift, so it never was "your" car. I know that's hard to swallow, but one day, you'll be able to afford a car on your own and THEN it'll be your car. Work towards getting a good job to attain that goal.
4. Stop comparing yourself to your siblings. It'l only drive you crazy.
5. Just worry about yourself and it'll take play out on its own.
Hope this helps.
& for who ever else reading. . Just because you have a dad to pay for stuff, DOES NOT mean you have a "great Father" . Even the richest are a$$holes
See I think you are part of the problem from what you have told us and also from what you haven't told us. People are like ice bergs. 20% is visible and 80% is hidden.
But it sounds like your parents are playing games. You have nothing to lose by telling them how you feel and asking them to explain some of the things they have done. You need to drop the sibling stuff because this is about you and your parents alone. I think you have a pretty good shot of starting a conversation with your dad.
For example you talk about wanting to change schools. Well you are only 19 so you can't have more than one year in. Why do you want to change? What did you dad ask you to do last year? Why does he want you to do another year at this school? I can see lots of reasons for and against. Sometimes you need better grades to get into the next school or you may be looking to go to a more expensive school and dad is afraid you will crash and burn. Also two years might get you an associates degree and then you transfer with good credits. On the negative if you are looking for a particular program the new school might not take the credits from the old school and that would be a waste of money. Or you might fall behind if there is a sequence of classes. The only way to find out the truth is to talk it out.
Please don't misunderstand me thinking your Dad is great because he has money. Many Dads have no money at all, and are still great fathers. And, as you point out, some rich dads are worthless. It is not the money that makes a good Dad. It is his willingness to help you that makes all the difference in the world. He should not be unfair to any of his children. But just because he may treat you all differently from time to time, doesn't mean he is being unfair. Different children have different needs from time to time. When my kids spent their money unwisely, I gave them less money. When they made up excuses instead of working hard, I gave them less privileges.
But even if your Dad is unfair to him, as Tigg says, try talking to him. But most importantly, remain positive about yourself and about life. Your father cannot make or break you. Having great parents helps alot, but you will need more than great parents to succeed in life. Work hard, be positive, and you will succeed.
Best of luck and success to you!
--EJ
To answer some questions . I talked to my dad when he came by my university about everything.. the outcome was I got nothing for my birthday and his way of a birthday present on 9\8 was to get a vacation beach house when he had time to go on vacation.. which was the time im at school for class . So I got sent happy birthday 15 days late from a beach house I wasnt at..
For the last one, he calls but its something for him to talk alt what he's been doing or grades.
Uhmm.. the car , I think I noted that it's not a necessity for me to have it. It's just how its being held over my head for me to function. Gotta do this and that for the car.. I don't mind seeing a goal but in the time given its like why waste the time if I could get my own and operate..
Im not petty and understand that millions have a worse situation that I do. I see it in my own eyes. But in my situation its not right for me to feel like im not supported as much as my siblings. I shouldn't compare but I can't compare to how much my siblings have been through and my mom and dad support through thick and thin & when it comes to me they say I gotta get myself out .
Being bipolar I haven't got diagnosed for the condition.. My mom feels that it will protect my records more if it's not documented in medical records. Meds could possibly work for me to help with stone moments but the gym has been a good medication lately.