Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
So, I was already writing here about my controlling mother and how i wanted to move away and everyone suported me here. So an update, I managed to move away to another country, find an apartment and pay for it with the money i saved. I was also looking for a job. First mistake: my mother convinces me that she will pay for my apartment since i dont have enough money. I agreed and for some reason stopped looking for a job so intensively. Then she said " your dad doesnt have enoygh work here, he will move to your city, you can live together." At first i liked the idea, cause me and my dad always got along well. He's verybliberal. And i thought this way i will have more money.BUT when he arrived I realized what it was all about and that it was my second mistake. My mom has my dad as of recently completely under her thumb, that he isnt himself anymore. He does everything she says to keep the peace and he basically serves as a "spy" for my mother since she couldnt take the sudden lack of control. For example, when my father was at my place I went out with my friends and came home at 3 am and i could here him calling my mother at 3 am telling her i'm home. That really pissed me off. Im 26 btw. Now when he lives in another apartment but the same (small) city, he keeps comming at my place without asking and then if Im not home the whole family gets panicked and keep neuroticaly calling me and asking where I am. Im sick of this! They just stress me out. I feel so sad and unfree and because of all that I also got sick. My biggest problem is that I still dont have a steady job and am financially dependent on them. Im sick of the control. I wish my father would just go home. How do I break free? How do i get my parents to realize that Im an adult and that some things are private and that they should give me space? My mom and my aunt want contact every 5 min on skype or FB. Its insane. Anyway, sorry about my grammar, im writing on mt phone. Please help! I dont know with whom i could talk to about this or who could help me.
Best regards!
Best regards!
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grill tonight with charcoal.....turned out good but had some stuff that I had to feed to Belle and Happy because it was grissley. it tasted pretty good and was a perfect mid rare....
I know it's a bit frustrating for you but for as long as you need their financial assistance, they're going to feel they're in their right to require all your attention and intrude into your life whenever they feel and to whatever degree they feel necessary.
If I were you, I would concentrate on getting a full time position and get yourself financially independent. That is the only time that you will be able to set some boundaries.
I don't personally think that you shouldn't be held to a time schedule because they are helping you financially but that's me, not them. Obviously, they feel differently. They must care about you very much which is a good thing however, it's a bit suffocating for you.
Are your parents married? This is very odd that he'd follow you...
Plan? Don't take any more money from them. Find a job in another city. Don't tell them. Move. Don't tell them where you are.
(1) could you tell your father that things aren't working out and he needs to leave?
(2) if your mom is still helping paying, could you stop that and tell her that you are going to take it from here?
(3) could you go back to looking for work?
(4) could you forgive yourself for making a mistake in an attempt to become independent?
(5) could you have a firm conversation with your mother and/or father about what your idea is when you moved out, that is becoming an independent adult?
Life as an independent adult 101: No money or help comes for free. There are always strings attached, ESPECIALLY HELP FROM FAMILY.
How you break free is by refusing their help EVEN IF YOU NEED HELP. Build your own financial and emotional support system. It's time for you to start thinking that you can rely on them or that the help that you get will make life easier. It didn't.
Ask people around about how they became independent from their parents. See if you can copy what others have done.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Perhaps try and find a job in another city and relocate. Then you can tell your Dad it is ok for him to return home. Limit your contact with your parents after that and ensure it is on your terms only. I promise everything will fall into place after that it will get better. I also had to leave home and start from scratch...but for me it came at a cost: No Contact. I was 25. Those next 4 years of No Contact were the best years of my life. It was a very defining time in my life that serves as part of a foundation I never had.
Lots of hugs!