Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am a 23 year old woman living with my mom, stepdad, 21 year old brother, and 4 year old brother. My boyfriend and I plan on moving into an apartment together after I finish my degree in May 2016.
Living with my family has been very stressful for me, but I have tried my best to appear happy and to complain about nothing because I do not want my parents to think that I am ungrateful that they allow me to live in their home. I also keep my complaints to myself because I think that young adults that don't like living with their parents should either move out or suck it up until they can afford to move.
I'm going to suck it up until I'm able to move out. And I only have 5 months left.
But I don't want to just suck it up until I move and then stay away from her. I want to have a good relationship with my mom while I'm living with her and when I'm not.
There are many reasons it has been stressful living in my home, but I will focus on just a few. My mom is very unhappy. Her parents left her home alone starting at age nine. Because they were always out drinking, she had to basically take care of herself. She also had me and my brother at a young age. So she didn't get a childhood. And she didn't get the kind of freedom many young adults get either. When I was 17, she decided to have her first and only child with my stepdad. She felt like it was a now or never moment. I love my little brother very much, and I am probably closer to him than anyone else in my family. But I think my mom forgot how hard it was to raise a young child. I help her as much as I can, but she has still been completely overwhelmed since he has been born. She gets stressed out very easily. And she has unrealistic expectations about what he should be able to do at his age. She becomes stressed and angry when she doesn't meet her unrealistic expectations. She has always been extremely worried about other people judging her so if he does anything to mess up his hair or act too hyper or something she gets really upset. I don't like it when she yells at him for things like that. It doesn't seem fair to expect him to act perfect and yell at him when he doesn't. When I try to talk to my mom, she isn't really interested. She keeps her eyes glued to the computer or the tv. She doesn't really listen. The only time she engages in an actual conversation with me is when she vents about her problems. She is always on edge, and she is always snapping at me and other people in the family for minor things that we did not expect to upset her. It feels like she is always upset no matter what I do. I am always afraid of accidentally making her even more upset. I feel like a horrible person because when she gets anxious, stressed, and angry about minor things and takes it out on us, I don't really feel sympathetic anymore. I just feel angry. What can I do to be more compassionate, to help her, and to improve my relationship with her?
Living with my family has been very stressful for me, but I have tried my best to appear happy and to complain about nothing because I do not want my parents to think that I am ungrateful that they allow me to live in their home. I also keep my complaints to myself because I think that young adults that don't like living with their parents should either move out or suck it up until they can afford to move.
I'm going to suck it up until I'm able to move out. And I only have 5 months left.
But I don't want to just suck it up until I move and then stay away from her. I want to have a good relationship with my mom while I'm living with her and when I'm not.
There are many reasons it has been stressful living in my home, but I will focus on just a few. My mom is very unhappy. Her parents left her home alone starting at age nine. Because they were always out drinking, she had to basically take care of herself. She also had me and my brother at a young age. So she didn't get a childhood. And she didn't get the kind of freedom many young adults get either. When I was 17, she decided to have her first and only child with my stepdad. She felt like it was a now or never moment. I love my little brother very much, and I am probably closer to him than anyone else in my family. But I think my mom forgot how hard it was to raise a young child. I help her as much as I can, but she has still been completely overwhelmed since he has been born. She gets stressed out very easily. And she has unrealistic expectations about what he should be able to do at his age. She becomes stressed and angry when she doesn't meet her unrealistic expectations. She has always been extremely worried about other people judging her so if he does anything to mess up his hair or act too hyper or something she gets really upset. I don't like it when she yells at him for things like that. It doesn't seem fair to expect him to act perfect and yell at him when he doesn't. When I try to talk to my mom, she isn't really interested. She keeps her eyes glued to the computer or the tv. She doesn't really listen. The only time she engages in an actual conversation with me is when she vents about her problems. She is always on edge, and she is always snapping at me and other people in the family for minor things that we did not expect to upset her. It feels like she is always upset no matter what I do. I am always afraid of accidentally making her even more upset. I feel like a horrible person because when she gets anxious, stressed, and angry about minor things and takes it out on us, I don't really feel sympathetic anymore. I just feel angry. What can I do to be more compassionate, to help her, and to improve my relationship with her?
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Do you think having anxiety could lead into depression? What are your thoughts?
This is going to have a profound effect on your little brothers' life if she doesn't stop.... She's an adult now and can get into therapy if she wants to... There is a lot of help to be had if she chooses to reach out for it however a 4 year old needs the adults in his life to take care of and protect him.... What would you think of showing your mother this post and discuss your concerns for your brothers' wellbeing
My concern in reading this is that it is her personality and that there is a disorder... xo
Just because she's focused on the computer or tv when you're talking to her doesn't mean she isn't hearing you, she's just not acknowledging you! It's a non verbal gesture letting you know she's not interested in what you have to say.
I'd be very concerned for your young brother's happiness and well being here. I'd almost want to take him with me when I moved out. I'd never leave a child with someone who obviously isn't concerned with his emotional well being.
I honestly don't know if I could be compassionate towards anyone that treats a child that way. I would be angry also..
Your mother is overwhelmed and unappy in her life that's what's causing the outbursts and stress. She's taking out her unhappiness on her family. Taking it out on a child, NO, I would allow that to take place in front of me...
Second, for your brother. You build him up. You help him understand his mom's issues and better ways to deal with them. (talking to him: "Mom got angry about the toys. What are things that you could do while she's angry? (color in your room, play outside, whatever)
The best thing that I think you can do, is to "talk out loud how you deal with a situation where you did something wrong". So say if you got a speeding ticket. You can say, okay I'm writing this check to pay for this. And I'm going to have to slow down, even when I'm late for something. And try to leave earlier. I feel really bad about this...really bad. Hmm, what can I do. I think I"ll just go to my room and read for awhile. And I'll say sorry. And I'll try to do better. I did a bad thing, but I'm not bad.
In other words, instead of Telling him what to do....Show him.
As for your mother. Build her up. When you see her doing good mothering, tell her that. If you see her overwhelmed, bring her tea. Etc, etc.
You don't get people to behave better by making them feel worse.
And last, try to sit down and do something all together with your mother and brother once a week or so. Candyland. Shoots and Ladders. Charades. Coloring contests. Make cookies. Have fun.
Never forget to have fun. Life is too short and too expensive not to enjoy it.