Family Issues Support Group

Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.

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mistmist 10/10/2011

I do not know how to deal with my family....My mom and me have never got along. I moved out when I was 18 and my mom makes me feel like I owe her something like I am the cause of everything that goes on with her. She told me I blame her for all my problems when I feel the same way for her she has turned both my sisters against me I was so upset with my mom that I told her I am done with her. They have done some pretty crappy stuff to me like not coming to my wedding reception or my kids birthdays only because they do not like my husbands parents who are very nice people. So I have put up with them and enough is enough it seems like they love to be around drama all the time. So my sister says to me well mom says she helped you when you had postpartum depression with my two kids which isn't to uncommon for a 17-19 year old to have when I had my kids. She throws this in my face and I feel so bad I love my kids unconditionally but I cannot help what happened when I had them. So my mom feels like I owe her the world for helping me through it when as I recall my mom yelled at me a lot so I do not know what she did for me besides yell at me I am having hard time trying to figure this out.... I have talked to friends and my husband to see if maybe this is something I have truly done but they all say they grew up with me and the abuse mental and physically they saw what happened and they are surprised I turned out in their words "normal". I just want to forget them and move on they continue to text me with snotty comments and it's childish. I want to live my life with my husband and kids and just start over I know my parents and sisters are my family but I feel like they are holding me back and when I am doing good I get knocked back down! Does anyone have any input on this?

deleted_user 10/10/2011

Very hard situation but very common. I know I have issues with my family that will never be resolved. So my answer is to control the contact. Caller ID is fantastic...I decide if I want to talk. Text messages don't have to be answered. Or you can wait until you have had time to really think about what you want to say.

You have a family..your husband and your kids. That is your first priority. If your mother and sisters can be a healthy part of your life then that's great. But if not I wouldn't worry. Just remember you don't need to make demands or dramatic statements. Just decide when and how you have contact with them. Think before you speak and you will be much happier.

deleted_user 10/11/2011

I read a christian book called Boundaries. What an eye opener. You have to set boundaries for you and your family. Your family is toxic and they will never change. They are set in their ways and there is nothing you can do about it. You just need to put your foot down (in a nice way) and tell them how you feel. I'm sure at first they will be angry. You may even have to take a break from them for a while until they (if) they decide to grow up. They will always cause strife in your life, but they will cause only what you allow. It's your call. As bizarre as it sounds, they treat you this way because you allow it. You need to tell them that you love them but this treatment will not be tolerated. If they decide to cut you out of their life, then that's their decision. Toxic families are very common and very hard to deal with. By setting boundaries you are also showing/teaching your children that negative behavior is not acceptable. If you continue on the path you are going, allowing your family to mistreat you, that is teaching your children that being emotionally/mentally abused is okay. That is not fair to your children. This is a hard situation, I've been through is but it's the best decision I've ever made. A toxic family brings you heartache, sadness, depression, causes low self-esteem, and many other negative emotions. I no longer have those. I chose to rely on God and be the best I can be and of course it won't be easy at the beginning but it gets better. Keep us posted, hope this helps.

deleted_user 10/11/2011

Well put Scott.

deleted_user 10/11/2011

Just because 2 people have the same blood running through their bodys. That does not make them family. I have not seen my egg donor in 6 years. My egg donor rasied my brother not to like me. It was hard to deal with but now I am at peace and I have move on with my life

mistmist 10/11/2011

Hey thanks everyone for the good information. I think I will be able to move on and let go....I need to live my life for my kids and husband not for people who do not appreciate me. Thanks for the support! You honestly really helped me alot.

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