Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Ok, I've commented enough on my mother-in-law, so some of you may know my situation. Here it is in a nutshell.
I'm married to a great guy. He's an excellent father and good husband. My problem is his mom. Things will be her way or life is difficult. Her and I've gone round and round for years. In the last 9 months or so, I've set boundaries with the help of a counselor my husband and I see to deal with both of our crazy family dynamics. I never know for sure when my boundaries will piss her off or she will accept it. As time goes on, she accepts more and more because I make my boundaries and don't back down. For example, a cousin my daughter's age invited my daughter to her bday party. She went, so I turned around and invited this cousin to my daughter's bday party. The cousin's older sister (which is 4 years older than my daughter) threw a fit that she wasn't invited. My MIL told me I would be inviting her. I calmly said no and that said cousin is much older and never invited my daughter to her bday party. It blew over without too much trouble. However, when I had to go to Denver (5 hours away) for medical stuff for my daughter for a week, my MIL told me I was leaving my other child (2 1/2 year old son) with her. I calmly told her no and that I had arrangements with a local high school girl to travel with me to watch my son when I was in occupational/speech therapy with my daughter. She threw a fit from hell. My husband had told her we weren't going over ON Christmas Day, but the day after. Because of her fit throwing, my husband caved and we went to her house on Christmas. I was livid, but either I spent Christmas by myself or I went over too. In regards to work, my husband isn't able to leave work when we go to Denver for my daughter, but when my sister-in-law had a baby with a birth defect my MIL didn't go to work for over 2 months because she was taking care of my sister-in-law's children (btw, they are normal and healthy; get a babysitter like I have to do for my kids and one of my kids is austistic). My husband puts in long hours at the family business him and his mother own together (minimum of 60-70 hours per week) and gets paid $750 a week. My MIL works a similar schedule and gets over $1,500 per week (however, she gets time off whenever she decides; hubby gets no such luxury as he's responsible for the daily functioning of the plant). Hubby's sisters don't work in the business at all but they get money from the business.
Here's my question: How do I help my husband set and stick to boundaries with his mother? It's damaging our immediate family. Personally, I don't know if I'd stay if we didn't have two children.
I'm married to a great guy. He's an excellent father and good husband. My problem is his mom. Things will be her way or life is difficult. Her and I've gone round and round for years. In the last 9 months or so, I've set boundaries with the help of a counselor my husband and I see to deal with both of our crazy family dynamics. I never know for sure when my boundaries will piss her off or she will accept it. As time goes on, she accepts more and more because I make my boundaries and don't back down. For example, a cousin my daughter's age invited my daughter to her bday party. She went, so I turned around and invited this cousin to my daughter's bday party. The cousin's older sister (which is 4 years older than my daughter) threw a fit that she wasn't invited. My MIL told me I would be inviting her. I calmly said no and that said cousin is much older and never invited my daughter to her bday party. It blew over without too much trouble. However, when I had to go to Denver (5 hours away) for medical stuff for my daughter for a week, my MIL told me I was leaving my other child (2 1/2 year old son) with her. I calmly told her no and that I had arrangements with a local high school girl to travel with me to watch my son when I was in occupational/speech therapy with my daughter. She threw a fit from hell. My husband had told her we weren't going over ON Christmas Day, but the day after. Because of her fit throwing, my husband caved and we went to her house on Christmas. I was livid, but either I spent Christmas by myself or I went over too. In regards to work, my husband isn't able to leave work when we go to Denver for my daughter, but when my sister-in-law had a baby with a birth defect my MIL didn't go to work for over 2 months because she was taking care of my sister-in-law's children (btw, they are normal and healthy; get a babysitter like I have to do for my kids and one of my kids is austistic). My husband puts in long hours at the family business him and his mother own together (minimum of 60-70 hours per week) and gets paid $750 a week. My MIL works a similar schedule and gets over $1,500 per week (however, she gets time off whenever she decides; hubby gets no such luxury as he's responsible for the daily functioning of the plant). Hubby's sisters don't work in the business at all but they get money from the business.
Here's my question: How do I help my husband set and stick to boundaries with his mother? It's damaging our immediate family. Personally, I don't know if I'd stay if we didn't have two children.
The family business sounds interesting.... I hope there are clear legal documents to establish ownership and compensation. $750 a week sounds very cheap especially if he is the one running it day to day. But that is something he needs to handle on his own.
Good luck and remember to stay positive.
Thanks for your comment! I agree that I need to stay positive; sometimes I just can't handle her controlling and manipulating hubby because it ruins whatever hubby and I have decided to do. Which in turn puts stress on our marriage. I already have a chronic illness. Our daughter is on the autism spectrum and we are struggling to afford the correct therapy for her (small rural school doesn't provide much, which is a whole other post). Then, my husband's family business is extremely demanding. We have so much stress that sometimes it seems like it's too much to deal with.
About the business...I agree that is something hubby has to figure out. It's on very shaky ground do to all the spending my MIL and her daughter's are doing. This is why husband is only getting $750 a week(because of money difficulties in the business). He is hopeful that through his sacrifices he can keep it afloat long enough for his mom to retire (she's only 55, so I'm not holding out much hope of it).
Thanks for reminding me to stay positive!