Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
How do you forgive someone when they never even apologized? My dad had an affair after being married to my mom for 15 years and having two kids. He decided to tell everybody on my 13th birthday. Kicked us out. Didn't call on holidays. Nothing. We went through 2 years of him going back and forth, finally he called it off with the other girl. I'm 17 now, and I still can't get along with him. When he says something insulting towards me I flip out. Why should I respect him if he never respected me? He took my sister and I out to lunch as an "apology" thing. But never said "I'm sorry". He never told my mom that he's sorry. He thinks that everything should go back to the way it was where it all went his way. I'm sorry but I can't stand there pretending to get along with somebody. Today I asked if he'd watch my nephew while I went out and got a 55gal fish tank. He started saying how my room needs cleaned and I smell and everythings diseased. So I said fine I'll just get my stuff and move out since I'm such a burden and he said "that sounds good too". I've got a job, and a place to go. But moving out isn't the thing that's bugging me. It's the fact that when he's in a bad mood, everyone else is too. He cusses and throws things and nothing anyone does is right. His temper is getting better, but he still throws out insults when he's mad. And yes, my room IS dirty. But it does not smell. The room across from mine had HIS chickens in it. So, where do you think the smell is coming from? I just bought an air freshener for my room. That's all I can smell in it. I do have a potty patch for my puppy, but it doesn't stink at all. Did I mention his room is dirty too? His clothes all over, my puppy pooped in his room and do you think he cleaned it up? No. I know, it's my dog. But if it was seriously bothering him, he'd of done it. Or even ASKED me to. His office upstairs? Has food sitting around. Trash on the floor. About 50 pop cans sitting around. Dirty dishes. Why can HE have two trashed rooms and continue to "bring stuff into this house". Yet I can't have one? I'll be gone in a few months anyway. How's an empty fish tank gonna hurt anything? I'm just tired of him acting like he's so goddamned perfect.. I just want to kick his thrown out from under him and show him that he's not any better than the rest of us.
WOW......how do folks live like that??????? Chickens in a ROOM?? Dog shit all over the house??
honey...that ain't right.....he prolly didn't leave the other women.......she prolly thru his ass out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds like your mom is pretty ...........................(fill in the blank).........whatever.....................clean up the place and make plans to move out ASAP!!!!!!!!!!
No need to apologize:)
I agree with the others. Please don't bring any more animals into your house. It is dirty now, and the addition of more animals will make it worse. And if you get more animals, what will you do with them when you move out?
Starting now, take excellent care of yourself and your surroundings. Learn how to clean and how to be good to yourself. Clean your room thoroughly. Be sure all of your clothes are always neat and clean. You can change yourself and your immediate surroundings. And that way, when you do move out, you have learned how to take care of your surroundings.
I feel so bad for you living in that house. Try to avoid your father as much as possible. Take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. Make plans to move when you are old enough. You deserve a good life.
I think folks are right out here, you need to learn organizational and cleaning skills. No matter where you move out to, it would probably be beneficial for you to move in with other folks to share expenses. The one major problem I can see for you is that whomever you move in with will probably have higher cleaning standards. You may find it difficult to keep roommates unless you make some changes yourself.
We are all products of our parents to a certain degree; you take what good things you've learned and keep applying them in your life, the other excess baggage; throw it out!
Present day..clean your room!! Dogs should not be going in the house. And if your dog pooped in any place in the house it is YOUR job to clean it up. Why was your dog in your dad's room?
Not sure why you want a huge fish tank if you aren't going to get fish. But I think you would be better off saving the money and certainly not adding more work for yourself.
As to your dad's mess...well it's his house. So he can do what he wants. You are the child, he is the adult. Why would you think you have a right to tell your dad what to do? It's not your place or your right.
If I were you I would first clean up my act. Clean up your room and train the dog to go outside. Then start saving your money. And plan for what you will be doing once you graduate from high school. And remember that moving into a friends house is not a permanent solution. If you are moving out your need a real, permanent place to live.
I know we may seem mean but if you step back and look at the situation I think you will realize that we are telling you the hard truth. It may not seem fair but life is rarely fair. The fact is that you are a guest in your parents home. Act like a good guest.
As for your room; an adults point of view of a "dirty room" as you described it can be completely different from a teenager's definition. If your room is cluttered with trash and dog excrement then there's an issue but if you have clothes and shoes cluttered all over, that's not dirty, it's messy.. Air fresheners just mask what needs to be cleaned; carpeting, bedding etc. Go through your room and give it a thorough cleaning, you'll feel better. If you don't like your father's room; ask him if he wants some help cleaning it up.
It's no just a matter of acting in a certain way because you're living in your parents home. Until you're 18 years old, you have two custodial parents that are responsible for your care. They need to provide for you appropriately. If you think that your parents could use some extra help with house duties, jump in.
Only you know what degree of cleanliness is afforded you in your home. Take your time making decisions on moving out on your own. You want to ensure that you're moving to a place that can be your new home until such time that you want to make another change. Don't forget, pets need to be provided for. You'll have responsibilities on what to do with pets while your working. So you want to be sure this is a responsibility that you'll be able to take on.
Do you have any Aunts or Uncles, someone in the family that you can look to stay with if you really want to move out of your parents home? I'll tell you that it's not easy at the age of 17 to find a job that pays enough for living expenses, pets and pet care, transportation, gas, insurances etc. It's not easy.
I'd pick up a book on puppy training to ensure that he/she learns good potty habits. Take your time on rushing out that front door; the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.