Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am just so upset at being let down by family, or despite having three siblings and two parents, I have never felt as lonely or inadequate. Feeling inadequate has been a big part of my life since I left school so young to have a baby. I have always been made out to be a trouble maker, although I am not, and malicious, not true and I have the biggest heart you could imagine. It seems the ones who have t he biggest hearts are trampled on by family. My relationship with them is virtually non existent. I see my mum, but we have never been close since I was sexual assaulted as a child whilst in my dad's care and well to keep up appearances it all got brushed under the carpet and since then I have been treated like vermin. You know I have always tried to make something up, Iam due to graduate in English in the next four weeks, have two other beautiful children now and I am married to the love of my life, but nothing will ever be enough. My brother doesn't speak to me, my sister forgets my birthday and her niece and nephews and my dad talks about me off in front of his friends saying, oh you really should have done the degree when you left school, you would have had more by now. Well no. I was busy recovering from issues I had to delay with, working full time and bringing a child up. I just feel so despondent and lost. I think it's because all the issues regarding family have been put on the back burner because of my studies and now I am due to finish, the emptiness, loneliness, all the feelings are starting to resurface. Thanks if you stuck with me through that. Please someone talk to me. I feel so sad
I know from reading your letter you are an intelligent hard working and throughly decent human being, a loving wife and good mother to your 2 beautiful children, kind, ambitious and loyal to your family. From the outside I'm sure most people would think you had it all and you must be very happy. But your not and you have explained the reasons why. Firstly, I would recommend you get yourself a copy of a best seller book called, ' make the peace with anyone' by David Lieberman. It only cost me £2.00 on Amazon for a used copy. This book will really help you and I recommend it to everyone as we all have difficult and abusive people to deal with at one time or another in our lives.
You have not had an easy time and I can understand why you feel lonely and misunderstood by you family. I think a lot of your unhappiness goes back to your childhood when you were sexually assaulted and I feel this has been dealt with very badly by your mother. Please remember none of this is your fault, you were an innocent child who should have been protected whilst in your father's care and you have been let down badly by those who were there to look after you. Have you received any counselling to talk through this ordeal if not I would suggest you do to help deal with any bad feelings of anger or neglect. People are not perfect and they sometimes make terrible mistakes. I'm sure your mother does love you very much but when you were attacked I don't think your parents could cope so they tried to ignore it even happened and sadly it appears you are a reminder of their inadequaties. Therefore, a negative emotional connection may have been created so each time they saw you they were reminded of their failings, poor parenting, and the only person they saw fit to blame for this was you. This is a terrible injustice and I really feel for you. Sometimes parents behave in a truely shocking way and it's because they are simply too ill equipped or ignorant to do things better. This may be due to lack of life experience or some kind of cultural /traditional response. They worry more about what the neighbours would say or wether something might bring scandal to the family. So they prefer not to talk about it. Because you have been so badly let down by your parents ( and your siblings have learnt by the example set by them) it's important you take the right action to heal yourself. I would suggest as a friend the first step which may be the hardest is to forgive all of those who have ever hurt you and done you wrong in the past. Terrible things have happened to you but I really want you to forgive and release it where it belongs in the past. So you can move on and look to the future of happiness which you deserve. If you can be strong and generous enough to do this, as you forgive and accept your family for who they are with all their faults I believe it will allow you to heal your own life. I worry if you don't you may stay stuck as nothing is going to change until something changes. That something has to be you because you are the bigger person. You be the change and set the example of how you would like them to treat you. This is going to take a great deal of effort and understanding from you and I do think your going to need some help and guidance perhaps from a councillor. You have achieved so much on your own and congratulations on your graduation that's a marvellous achievement in itself. You have so much to be proud of your loving husband and beautiful children and you all deserve to have a happy life. Please don't focus on something you cannot change i.e. The past. Focus on the good and the true things in your life, your wonderful husband and children, your successes and your career. Do what you love every day as happiness breeds happiness. Please tell yourself, "things have got to change" and you be that change. No-one should put up with verbal abuse so do consider saying to your father, ' I find it unacceptable that you talk about you in front of your friends and it has to stop, and your quite capable of making your own decisions.' Stay calm and he will respect you more. Don't allow anyone to push you around. See if it's possible to do an assertive training course or do some research on the internet, there's a lot of help out there if you know where to look. Please don't be anchored to all this unhappiness, instead, build on all the good things you do have in your life and move forward. Don't let negative people have power over you. Good luck I know you can do this, don't put up with their rubbish any more! Big love & hugs to you.