I don't care how old children get and no matter what circumstances are involved around their upbringing, they will always want to start their relationship right where you are at now.

The sooner you reach out to them from the place you are the better; sure they will have tough questions to ask you, you know what those questions will be so be prepared to answer them as truthfully and honestly as you know how.

Lies, shame, guilt everything be honest and opened to it all base on your knowledge and no matter what don't place the blame on anyone other than yourself and the choices you made then.

If your children were raised by others never, ever speak a bad word about them regardless what you may believe to be true, because their loyalty will forever be shared with you and those who raised them; if you make this mistake you risk them ever trusting you.

The one mistake my bio-mom did was to speak negatively about my bio-dad; although I was abandoned by both of my parents, the only one I knew was my dad. My father never talked about her to me and when she mentioned anything bad about my dad, my resentment of her destroyed any hope of us having a relationship.

It's never to late to begin to mend the broken pieces.

Thanks so much. I am the daughter of a true narcissistic mother...not in just the loose term. She is truly ill. She has made her moves and--you are right---recently I thought---because they are adults --I could explain to my children about how she is---they attacked me. Over the years the topic comes up every once in awhile and I learned to let go, because as you say---it is not going to profit anything. They will never understand. I will say that I have always made restitution for the wrongs that I have done, but perhaps I have overdone it. They seem to have more respect for their dad---he was so uninvolved. I was pretty much a single mom with a husband. I never talk about our difficulties with the kids. I just feel much of their resentment is vented on me and not him since he was not supported of me and non-existent in their lives. He is making efforts and many gains to participate in their lives now. I am glad that he is. I just feel like the fall guy. Perhaps a little pity party...I will get over it. I just sent them a card-- a note in the mail--wishing them a great day..

I wouldn't say that you're the guest of a self pity party for one. What appear to be happening that you need to come to terms with is feeling guilty, which is a natural response especially for mothers to feeling that you could done or wished you could have done more for your children.

You loved your children from the womb, carried your children and unselfishly gave birth to them. Fathers are incapable of having that kind of bond as a mother does, that is why it is easier for some men to be or become dettached from their children.
With this being said, men are not likely to feed into the same kind of guilt trip women does about parenting, this attitude puts fathers at an advantage because they are less likely to be emotionally blackmailed by their children as women are. Children know fathers are not going to bend over backwards to have a relationship with their children; either the child decides he/she wants the relationship with dad or not and most dad's will not dwell on the child's decision to choose one way or the other.

Simply put, children want the relationship with both parents, but because of this underlying guilt mother's carry they may be allowing children to use it against them; whereas father's want put up with their crap.

When found out I was pregnant with my son I love him from the moment he was conceived; his birth was my saving grace, I had no self-worth or self-value living life recklously I was moments from ending my life by putting myself in harms way.

The cycle of abandonment was to be broken with the birth of my child, but being pregnant, homeless and alone with no support of family or friends forced me to be separated from my child. The only thing I could do is to give him what my father gave me, the opportunity to know me, while other people raised him.

By the time he reach his teen years and earlier adulthood he tried to test the waters with playing the guilt cards and some folks would say I owed him because of what he endured over the years.

The problem with that is I had the unfortunate blessing of abandonment and I learn the hard way that society don't give a cats-meow about my poor me syndrome. Regardless of our situation we did the only thing we knew to do and that is the best we could have done at that given time.

We can talk about the past, but we can't change it, all we can do is move forward from now and do the best we can. There are no guarantees in life, who knows what tomorrow will bring, but we will deal with it as it comes one day at a time.

My son is over 30 years old with his own family to raise and he has reached a level of maturity that only parents can understand; sometimes in life shit happens. )Our children are only in their 20ties that may be grown according statues an legistrations, but that is it.

You still have several more years of teaching and raising to do, eventually your children will learn this very valuable lesson; until then do yourself and them a favor and drop the guilt, and give them the hard cold facts about life and lessons they are sure to be taught along the way.

That was truly inspirational. I am trying to do that right now. I need to discover the true me I was meant to be. Once I have the confidence you have shared, they will respond to me with more respect. You have quite a history which built your strength. I always said---good crops are a result of fine manure... :D

Thank you! Be good to yourself.