Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I have two siblings. We have never been close but had a civil, cordial relationship.When one of them married a woman I cannot stand, what little relationship we had faded away. I continued to have a cordial, but distant relationship with the other. Our mother passed away and then our father passed away about 9 years later. That's when the problems started.
My first clue that something was wrong was at my father's funeral. Both siblings avoided my husband and me. We could tell that our presence there was very clearly resented. During the service, everyone in the immediate family got up and gave a eulogy. I was excluded from this, never asked if I wished to participate.
My father left his assets in a living trust. He had explained to me that he did it this way so that things could be settled quickly and easily. The sibling who was executor ended up dragging things out for almost two years, refused to give me any information and threatened to cut me out of the trust. I was in a very dire financial situation at the time. I was on the verge of losing my home and my business. They knew this and purposely dragged things out in the hopes if this happening to me. The stress of all of this affected my health and my marriage almost broke up because of it. This intentional delay cost me an estimated $250,000. There were also some items that my mother wanted me to have but since it wasn't written down anywhere, I never got them.
This happened almost a decade ago and to this day I still have no idea why they turned on me. Things were eventually settled financially, but that took almost two years when things should have been settled within a couple of months. I moved away and did not give them my new contact information. My life is in order now. I have not heard from or about these people in all that time. They have never offered any explanation nor shown any remorse for what they did. In addition, the few extended family members I was in contact with have given me the cold shoulder.
Cutting ties with these people is the best thing I ever did. I hope I never see them again. l would not even consider reconciliation. Still, I will always wonder what happened. I feel that they hated me along and just put up a front to placate the parents, and once our parents were gone, they just kicked me to the curb.
I never realized just how common these estrangements were until it happened to me. The worst part of it is the judgment I get from others. It's always those who haven't had the experience who are so judgmental. Those who have had similar experiences understand and do not judge.
-
Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
-
Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Received your invite but I don’t know who you are.
In this day and age, one needs to be careful.
BTW, you have such a way with your writing - it’s quite elegant.
Dearest dragonlover,
I feel for you. I have my own situation with my sibling that I would like to repair. Unfortunately, I never get a truthful/honest response when interacting. We say that we have gotten past this hurt but it seems to lay deep inside waiting for a moment to remind us that this part of our family is not there for us.
It appears that many families have this issue going on. And, that is where I say, “we don’t choose our families, but we choose our friends.” We can make our friends our families, too. Try to let go of the past and look forward to meeting people who you have things in common with. In the end, we are alone. But while we are on this planet, connect with people. Take Care..
This happened to me with my brother as well.... I think that this can often happen when parents are failing sadly and pass
Grief and money can create a lot of anger and pain..... One of the stages of grief is anger.....
Things can end up a mess..... It took me a long time for me to recognize my part in the breakdown and I most definitely had a part in it that I had to own
I eventually wrote my brother and told him that I was sorry for anything I'd done that hurt him and his wife.... I didn't include my present contact info.... That's not what I was looking for
This was about healing though and I hoped that my card would help to heal the both of us
I also wrote it for my folks.... I think if they looked down from Heaven it would please them
Big hug and a blessing while you sort through what you need to..... I found that forgiveness was something that truly helped to release me and I felt good about.....xo
Not being angry was a great gift to me....I hope that your path will bring you some peace.... Big hug.....xo
It appears that you feel something. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have brought it up. We say we don’t have a relationship with people if we don’t talk or deal with them anymore. Not exactly so, the relationship still stands - but not a communicating one.
For myself, my relationship with my sibling has been on a roller coaster for a very long time. When I thought when he grows up (having matured) things would change. When he kept saying that things are all right between us - I thought they were - BUT they weren’t.
For years, I asked them to sit down and talk this through - they refused. Some people we will never understand the workings of their minds.
I could hear my mom say, “you need to get along.”
I feel bad for my dad (still living) as he has to understand that we do not have family gatherings with them. We have our own time with my dad. It is not worth feeling the pain over and over again because one needs to be close with family. I have my cousins that I have been much closer with than I ever was with my sibling.
It’s okay to feel sadness over failed relationships. Especially, when it is a sibling.
If you knew exactly why your siblings don’t want to talk to you - would it really make you feel better?
We’d try to justify who we are and what we do whether it is right or wrong, overall. Chalk it up to the way you lead your life and the way you do.
In respect to money - it can create a lot of stress. Especially, between people who have and whose who don’t have. It is unfortunate that you father set things up the way he did. He had his own reasons.
You say this affected your health and marriage.
Are you saying that because you they withheld the inheritance money that THAT affected your health and marriage? Or, are you saying that because they didn’t communicate with you that THAT affected your health and marriage?
No one likes to hear this (I know I don’t) take a little accountability here. Any money problems you had were created by you. The inheritance would have helped it but the original problem was created by you. As far as a marriage is concerned, your wife and you needed to make choices to support the relationship. I totally get when dealing with family, it spills into the emotional aspect with close family BUT in times of distress, a husband and wife either support each other or they don’t.
Having gone through that when my husband was confirmed with cancer.....either I was going to be supportive or run the other way.
It appears that you still have strong feelings (still) about this matter. I hope you find closure. Take Care.
You won't be forgiving them for them but for you.... Then this will no longer have a negative hold on you if you're willing to let it go
Forgiveness frees you.... That doesn't mean you'll ever spend another day with them however it can let the bitterness and pain go
Here's some info on it..... Maybe it will make more sense.... I wish you well in whatever you choose
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692