I also posted this on Healthy Relationships, but I am thinking this might be a more appropriate forum

I'm at a loss on how to handle this.

Married to one of 4 brothers, have been very close to all, their wives, their familes for over 25 years.

Next weekend we will be hosting a bridal shower/engagement party, etc. for the oldest child of all of ours, my daughter, at our home. I did go overboard and make it a very large event and because my daughter has had issues as a teen and truly has turned her life around, I may be going a little all out. My husbands brothers and his wives and their children ALL know how important this is to us and our family. They were all to attend. (One brother and his family lives overseas, but the other two will be attending).

I love my husbands family more than anything. I do not have any immediate family (i came from a very small family and all have passed on). My husbands family is like my own. All our children are very close.

One sister-in-law is extremely viotile with a difficult personality. She can be as sweet and sentimental on day and the next, look out. Its actually crossed many of our minds that she has undiagnosed bipolar or a personality disorder. She clearly wears the pants in the family and with her, its easier to just smile and nod. She has no close friends.

Yesterday we were at a family party of the other brother. Witnessed by 5 people, my husband stated to my sister in law, "I think you may have our (using this an example) our party linens" Now, we are all very close and as family we often borrow things from each other and wouldn't hesitate to lend each other things. Well something snapped and she freaked yelling that "are you accusing me of stealing?"

She then when out and told her husband (another brother) that "I can't believe you would let your brother speak to me like that" and he got on board and also reamed my husband apart (he was not there to witness the original conversation).My husband apologized and said he was sorry if he said anything she misunderstood and she started screaming, "what kind of apology is that?"  It truly was a lose/lose situation. This whole thing blew up in a front of about 20 people and they stormed out and left. My husband was almost in tears his brother spoke to him like that, me and everyone else was dumbfounded. We truly felt she was joking (oddly so) when she was behaving like that. The last thing I said to her was, "Sister in law, i love you, please lets not do this" and she shooed her hand to me and stormed off.

Apparently last night, after this, she was texting the other sister in law (whose house we were at) and was asking why no one was texting her to check on her.

Ok.....moving forward. Before we would attempt to contact her we think we should give her a few days to cool off.

I have a few mixed feelings.....by going to her and stating "i'm sorry about any misunderstanding" would only placate her and feel like we were validating her behavior and admitting guilt (which there was none), but sometimes to keep the peace you have to do that.

I am a little worried she may 'blow up' at the function next Saturday and embarrass me. Just FYI she did blow up at a familly wedding last year too at another sister in law. It took weeks to repair that.

I'm also upset that she wouldn't attend my daughters party because its a diss to not only us, but to my daughter and she is one of the only aunts/uncles she has. My daughter has a very strong sense of family.

Another piece of me wants to let everything go, not contact her, and if she shows up, she shows up and hope for the best. Truthfully, I have too much to worry about and do to make this party nice this week for my daughter and her fiance's family and her friends to worry about if me or my husband call the sister-in-law or his brother, what I am going to get...... Please know most of the time she can be as sweet as pie and you forget she can behave like this. Its like an alter ego almost and its genuinely scary.

I hope this makes sense. Please guide me.

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