Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
If someone could take the time to read this and just offer some words of advice, or something...I would appreciate it.
I live in a extremely dysfunctional family. Just yesterday my sister dumped coffee on my mother's face, and threw the mug at my mother. It was just inches from my head and went through two windows. Glass flew everywhere and it could have hit kids in the neighborhood it went so far... My mom called my dad at work, and my dad said that he was going to kick my sister out. I finally thought they were going to follow through with it this time...but both my mother and father did not. My sister has had a pattern of attacking my mother. She did so on vacation last year and she hit her badly in the head. ...
My sister is in her early twenties and she still lives at home with my parents and I. She has a 6 year old daughter. She uses drugs (not at home, but at her boyfriends house just next door) and it really messes her up. She doesn't clean her room and it stinks. She has wet the bed. She doesn't bring silverware or kitchenware down from her room and coffee cups with mold, plates with mold on them, are all over her room. Her daughter doesn't bring down things either...but she is 6 not in her twenties!
My mom has bipolar disorder and depression. My sister calls her a crazy psycho bitch alot and my mother can't stand it. ...
But my sister is poison to the family. She steals from us, eats all the food, leaves molding food and drinks in her room, and goes out all the time. She gets to go to college full time and doesn't take much responsibility over her daughter.
I thought that when she threw the hot coffee and mug at my mom, and threw two windows, it would be enough for my parents to kick her out, like they said they would for so many times...but they never follow through.
My mom thinks that people will take her away because of her disorders. But she is monitored and is not violent or anything...my sister is the violent one.
My dad wants to keep the family together....he says that if they take my sister away they will also take her 6 year old daughter and me next. I am 18 though, so if that happened I would just drop out of college, work full time, and get a place of my own probably. It's getting harder and harder to focus anyway with all my families problems.
My mom says that "my dad is the boss" and that it is his responsibility to fix the family. (Both my mom and dad fight all the time and yell at each other).
I am so sick of my sister and home life. I am considering dropping out of college and working full time just so I can get away from my family. But I know that my mom needs me for support. (I help her by encouraging her, etc...)
I just want my sister gone. And I know my parents do but they always fall for my sister's manipulation. She said: "So, whats going to happen to my daughter if I leave?? Do you want her to go to the state??"
...I just don't know what to do. But it is really taking a toll on me.
Any replies are appreciated. Thank you.
I live in a extremely dysfunctional family. Just yesterday my sister dumped coffee on my mother's face, and threw the mug at my mother. It was just inches from my head and went through two windows. Glass flew everywhere and it could have hit kids in the neighborhood it went so far... My mom called my dad at work, and my dad said that he was going to kick my sister out. I finally thought they were going to follow through with it this time...but both my mother and father did not. My sister has had a pattern of attacking my mother. She did so on vacation last year and she hit her badly in the head. ...
My sister is in her early twenties and she still lives at home with my parents and I. She has a 6 year old daughter. She uses drugs (not at home, but at her boyfriends house just next door) and it really messes her up. She doesn't clean her room and it stinks. She has wet the bed. She doesn't bring silverware or kitchenware down from her room and coffee cups with mold, plates with mold on them, are all over her room. Her daughter doesn't bring down things either...but she is 6 not in her twenties!
My mom has bipolar disorder and depression. My sister calls her a crazy psycho bitch alot and my mother can't stand it. ...
But my sister is poison to the family. She steals from us, eats all the food, leaves molding food and drinks in her room, and goes out all the time. She gets to go to college full time and doesn't take much responsibility over her daughter.
I thought that when she threw the hot coffee and mug at my mom, and threw two windows, it would be enough for my parents to kick her out, like they said they would for so many times...but they never follow through.
My mom thinks that people will take her away because of her disorders. But she is monitored and is not violent or anything...my sister is the violent one.
My dad wants to keep the family together....he says that if they take my sister away they will also take her 6 year old daughter and me next. I am 18 though, so if that happened I would just drop out of college, work full time, and get a place of my own probably. It's getting harder and harder to focus anyway with all my families problems.
My mom says that "my dad is the boss" and that it is his responsibility to fix the family. (Both my mom and dad fight all the time and yell at each other).
I am so sick of my sister and home life. I am considering dropping out of college and working full time just so I can get away from my family. But I know that my mom needs me for support. (I help her by encouraging her, etc...)
I just want my sister gone. And I know my parents do but they always fall for my sister's manipulation. She said: "So, whats going to happen to my daughter if I leave?? Do you want her to go to the state??"
...I just don't know what to do. But it is really taking a toll on me.
Any replies are appreciated. Thank you.
I am sorry for the trouble you are going through and I can understand your stress and frustration. Far more than you know. I can only offer suggestions and advice as well as support. Next time she acts out like that I would be the one to take the step. Call the police. For the simple fact that there is a six year old child in the house they will keep a close eye on things and offer her help.
Your sister sounds like she has some growing up to do, a lot of it. Has she ever been diagnosed with a disorder? You mentioned your mom was bi-polar, and it sounds as thought your sister might be suffering depression; she has no drive to do anything, why?
You could try talking to your parents or even a counselor...
Do NOT drop out of college. I did when I was 18 and I am now going back, how I wish I had followed through when I was 18...
if you do leave, look into rental assistance... some apartment complexes offer income-based prices, try finding a friend with whom you could split expenses as well. I have often seen three or four friends split a dwelling.
KatieBee: I cannot live with any close relatives...it just wouldn't work out good for me. Thank you for your concern though and advice.
Brooke: If my sister does do anything like that again, I will take the first step. Looking back, I should have done that as soon as the coffee mug went flying. But I will be the first to take action next time.
l0nelydreamer: I think my sister has a disorder too...she has been to counseling before in the past but didn't cooperate with the counselors or anything. She mocked them, made fun of them, and didn't show up to the sessions... I think I will go to my college's counselors, it's free and I could visit in between my classes. Also, I decided I am not going to drop out of college. But I am going to stay away from the house more....go to the library, etc...and I am going to change my major. I have actually always wanted to go into the Psychology field, and now I am going to go for it!
Thank you all again for replying, I appreciate it! :)
I have contemplated moving into a small apartment many times, but right now, I just cannot afford to. It is definitely a consideration for the future, and I may do so. It would have to be many months away from now, unfortunately, because I have so many expenses and just got another job. But definitely, moving out is something to be seriously considered.
I will talk to my parents about getting my sister sectioned...but don't think it will happen (my parent's just aren't action people). But I will try.
Things have been getting better around here but who knows for how long. I am not going to drop out of college. Thank you again for responding!
Your story has so many similarities to mine. I am a mother and my daughter was 16 when we were driving in the car and she threw 2 full cups of cool coffee in my face. I was shocked. She too would attack me on a regular basis for a couple of years, off and on. Of course, to this day, she says I assaulted her, but really I was just fending her off. And trying to get some control over her. She is 18 now and doesn't live at home anymore.
We had constant arguing in the house between her , me and my husband. My son was able to stay out of it. But, when she is around, that is all there is, but arguing. Even when she is not home, she just for some reason, has to treat me not very good. I was never but a loving mother to her, and did my best to be there for her always. I don't drink, or do drugs, I was a normal, loving mother. She always had nice clothes, dinner on the table, her friends could come over, she was driven around to places by us, she did sports etc. The list goes on and on. But, somewhere, I don't know where, she just sees me as this villain and I'm not much good for anything.
Sometimes personalities just don't mesh, even if they are related. Your sister, sounds like my daughter and hasn't grown up. Have you thought about maybe your parents keeping their granddaughter with them, while your sister gets her own place. I know ppl that have taken their granddaughter in, and act as her parents, because their daughter is too immature to be a good parent.
It becomes a triangle between your sister, mom and dad of fighting, I think. Just like in my house. It's a toxic mix.
Then too, maybe you can find a place to share with a friend and continue with your college or else live on campus. These are some options.
Hope it gets better.
I am sorry to hear about your relationship with your daughter.
My sister apologized for what she did and everything...and things are okay for now. I hope they continue to stay this way.
I have read what you suggested but it is too much for right now. I don't think my sister is going to leave...it's going to be me first. I will start saving for a better car, apartment, etc...and possibly move out in a year or so.
But like I said earlier: Things are okay for now. :)
Thank you all for responding. No new responses are necessary, as I feel as the issue is resolved - for now anyway.