Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
this week i was staying at my parent's home.. visiting them and my younger siblings. mom found out my sister-in-law spilled the beans on some things she said about me.. and went into a tangent.
it was odd.. i cowered. i'm 28. i always cower from her. she went off on my in-law.. kicking her and her 3 year old son out of the house. at that point i got the nerve to stand up and tell her i felt she was abusive.. i raised my voice, but did not yell b/c my siblings were there.. she was frantic. pointing out all my shortcomings.. the shortcomings of my sister-in-law. she played the victim like nothing i've ever seen. calls my father
"i need to keep you on the phone b/c she is on a tear aroudn this house in my face screaming".. clearly not the case.
she states everyday that her children suck the life out of her. she had 3 of her own and then adopted 5.. everyone thinks she's a terrific parent.. school board all that crap. everyone thinks she's great. they have no idea.
it breaks my heart. i stayed in my car last night with my two dogs. i made it back to my apartment.. but i yearn to call her. to tell her i'm sorry.. just to make it better. clearly i didn't do anything wrong. did i? i can't imagine life without mom. she can be so good.. so wonderful.. and then a monster. she hasn't called me and most likely will not. my close friends tell me to let silence be my weapon. show her that she can't get away with treating me this way.
i spent the day yesterday moving my sister and her 3 year old child out of the house.. they have a place to stay.. but mom didn't know that. she said to her "i want you and your son out of her in 1 hour". why ? b/c my sister stood up and told my mother how abusive she is.
now mom is the victim. not talking to me or my sister-in-law.. acting like we are wrong. my sister-in-law sat there and cried.. apologizing to me and my brother for having to grow up with this woman.. and that she has never seen someone treat their children in this manner.
some days i think it's just the way it is.. it makes my head spin. i feel like i have to make it all better. take care of mom.
help me please. i'm falling apart. how do i stay away from her ?
it was odd.. i cowered. i'm 28. i always cower from her. she went off on my in-law.. kicking her and her 3 year old son out of the house. at that point i got the nerve to stand up and tell her i felt she was abusive.. i raised my voice, but did not yell b/c my siblings were there.. she was frantic. pointing out all my shortcomings.. the shortcomings of my sister-in-law. she played the victim like nothing i've ever seen. calls my father
"i need to keep you on the phone b/c she is on a tear aroudn this house in my face screaming".. clearly not the case.
she states everyday that her children suck the life out of her. she had 3 of her own and then adopted 5.. everyone thinks she's a terrific parent.. school board all that crap. everyone thinks she's great. they have no idea.
it breaks my heart. i stayed in my car last night with my two dogs. i made it back to my apartment.. but i yearn to call her. to tell her i'm sorry.. just to make it better. clearly i didn't do anything wrong. did i? i can't imagine life without mom. she can be so good.. so wonderful.. and then a monster. she hasn't called me and most likely will not. my close friends tell me to let silence be my weapon. show her that she can't get away with treating me this way.
i spent the day yesterday moving my sister and her 3 year old child out of the house.. they have a place to stay.. but mom didn't know that. she said to her "i want you and your son out of her in 1 hour". why ? b/c my sister stood up and told my mother how abusive she is.
now mom is the victim. not talking to me or my sister-in-law.. acting like we are wrong. my sister-in-law sat there and cried.. apologizing to me and my brother for having to grow up with this woman.. and that she has never seen someone treat their children in this manner.
some days i think it's just the way it is.. it makes my head spin. i feel like i have to make it all better. take care of mom.
help me please. i'm falling apart. how do i stay away from her ?
deleted_user
I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way and I believe it's definitely wrong for your mom to behave in that manner. It sounds like you have a long history and your feelings are still very raw. There is no easy answer, at the end of the day, she's still your mom! I would suggest giving it a little time, you've done nothing wrong and as the parent, who has done wrong, your mom should be the one that initiates contact. Give it time, at least a few days, maybe a week or two if you could manage. If you do feel the need to contact her, then do so but I wouldn't apologise for behaviour that you believe to be correct, otherwise you are acknowledging that it's ok for her to behave like that. Be proud of yourself, despite your upbringing, you sound like a lovely person and I do wish you lots of luck.
deleted_user
If I had a quarter for all the times that my mother turned situations around to make her the victim, I'd be a billionaire, if not richer. I'm sorry that you have to go through that. Anymore, when my mother goes off on her tirades, I try to stay calm & reasonable. I ask her why she feels the way she does. Most of all, I don't take sides. No matter how much she presses me. It's something I've learned w/time. It is no use to argue w/a woman like that. It'll only cause you much stress & pain. If your mother is anything like mine, once she gets her mind set on something, there's no changing it. If I were you, I'd let it blow over for a few days. Then give her a call & ask her how she's doing. It's almost impossible to stay away from family w/o hurting when you care so much. I've been sort of "disowned" a couple of times by my mom when I needed her the most. It always seemed to blow over w/time. I don't let it bother me so much anymore because I know that I can't change her. She will only change if she wants to. She will always be my mother.
deleted_user
You need to set up boundaries with your mother. Her actions are not acceptable. I've been reading a book called "OH No, I'm Becoming My Mother". It gives a lot of insight into the mother daughter relationship and has allowed me to take a step back from my mother and set up boundaries and have a more healthy relationship. I wish you the best!
deleted_user
Oh, my word. Is your mother related to my mother? My mother is always the victim too. She says terrible things and then tries to justify it. Stick with your sister-in-law right now. Lean on each other and decide that neither one of you are going to put up with the games anymore. But be prepared to get ripped for your stance. Next tantrum she throws, just walk away. Tell her you are not interested in participating. Just remember that you can still love your mother, but you don't need her. You are a reasonable adult who doesn't need some woman on a power trip be-littling her.
deleted_user
I believe that you should give it time too. Don't call and don't apologize for something you did RIGHT. That is just telling her she was right for acting like a spoiled child. Keep your head up and your spirits high. Let her be the one to call and apologize to you. If she doesn't then I don't see how she could have become a mother with no unconditional love.
deleted_user
You were very strong in standing up to your mother. I wish that i could be as strong as you. My advice get some sleeep, take a few days if she has not called send her an email. Emails allow you to plan out whta you say and let you get out everything before someone interupts you. Explain in more detail how you feel. Let her know you love her and that she did her best in raising you but you dont like the way she treats everybody. maybe even suggest therapy. just dont let it go too long without having any contact with her, because even though you are having problems, she is your mother and you do need her around. Just let her know that some behaviors are not acceptable from her. That goes for anyone not just your mom!
deleted_user
my mother made my whole town think i was crazy. she pushed me out of the car once and someone drove by and hse told him that i had attacked her and then tried to run away. i am a huge stronge person, who isnt afraid of anythning or anyone and when my mother talks to me i become a cowering little girl
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