Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Gonna try to make this short....
I am the oldest child. My husband and I had fertility problems for 8 years. I finally got pregnant. Shortly after I was pregnant my newly married brother and sister in law announced they were pregnant. Since the birth of my son and niece I feel a lot of tension between all of us, like it is a competition.
My brother and sister in law lived with my parents for 6 months before the birth of their daughter and 9 months after the birth.
My issues is that I choose not to ask my parents to babysit every week/weekend. I only ask if it is an emergency or I REALLY need to get something done, which I feel is appropriate. But my niece is at my parents house ALL the time! At least 2x a week. Just so my brother and sister in law can go on a harley ride, or out to eat or sometimes overnight out of town....
I get frustrated because I'm the only daughter...I want MY mom to watch my baby...why can't my sister in law get HER mom to watch my niece...both my sister in laws have shitty mothers, so they attached to my mom. I don't have the best relationship with my mom, but this isn't helping it, that is for sure!!!!
My mom will just say bring my son over with my niece, but that isn't the quality time that he should get, like my niece does...plus, my niece is not very active, she will sit and watch TV. My son is a go goer! My parents are kind of lazy...so I feel like they like my niece more because she doesn't do anything.
Should I just ask her if we can make a set schedule...like every Tuesday afternoon and 3rd Sunday of the month.
I am the oldest child. My husband and I had fertility problems for 8 years. I finally got pregnant. Shortly after I was pregnant my newly married brother and sister in law announced they were pregnant. Since the birth of my son and niece I feel a lot of tension between all of us, like it is a competition.
My brother and sister in law lived with my parents for 6 months before the birth of their daughter and 9 months after the birth.
My issues is that I choose not to ask my parents to babysit every week/weekend. I only ask if it is an emergency or I REALLY need to get something done, which I feel is appropriate. But my niece is at my parents house ALL the time! At least 2x a week. Just so my brother and sister in law can go on a harley ride, or out to eat or sometimes overnight out of town....
I get frustrated because I'm the only daughter...I want MY mom to watch my baby...why can't my sister in law get HER mom to watch my niece...both my sister in laws have shitty mothers, so they attached to my mom. I don't have the best relationship with my mom, but this isn't helping it, that is for sure!!!!
My mom will just say bring my son over with my niece, but that isn't the quality time that he should get, like my niece does...plus, my niece is not very active, she will sit and watch TV. My son is a go goer! My parents are kind of lazy...so I feel like they like my niece more because she doesn't do anything.
Should I just ask her if we can make a set schedule...like every Tuesday afternoon and 3rd Sunday of the month.
From your mother's perspective; she now has two grandchildren from her daughter and her son. As long as your mother is willing and able to, her son has every right, as much as you do to request babysitting when needed or requested. It doesn't matter if the sister-in-law doesn't have the luxury of having a wonderful mother such as you have.
Could it be more of a case of sibling rivalry? Do you feel that where it took so long for you to have your daughter that you feel there should be special attention paid to you/your child vs your brother's child?
I was never one to drop my children off to either my mother or my MIL although my BIL's and SIL's dropped their sons off to my in-laws constantly. It never bothered me, it wasn't my concern. We took care of our own children. What someone else does in the family was none of our business; ultimately it's up to the grandparents to put their foot down if they feel they're being taken advantage of.
It sounds rather "controlling" to me. If I'm reading what you're writing and from you past posts... Yours isn't the most loving and non critical of perspectives I've ever seen.
Your niece and your son might get a chance to be really close cousins by spending time together.. wouldn't that be great?
Know I write this to be supportive, You are letting the green eyed monster get to you and I wouldn't be doing you any favors by saying.. "Yes, you deserve your Mom's time cause she is YOUR mom"
Your Mother as ALL humans have the capacity to love many people at once she can love all of her grandchildren. If you think your son "should" get "quality" time, that is your choice, but don't blame them for your attitude and how you are seeing the situation. Open up your heart push out the fear of replacement and envy. and let love in!
Parents are people too. Some really didn't care for raising kids and feel like once they're done....they're Done. They've put their time in and now want to do other things with their lives.
Some never really got to enjoy having a little girl or little boy, and when a grandchild of that sex comes around...they go a bit nuts.
I think my ex in laws were a bit like that. Their first child was a girl, then they had three boys. When the girl grandchildren came around, they really liked doing the arts-and-crafts and girly things.
My active, never stopping, climbing everything boy...was too much.
But hey, my kids got ME, and that's not nothing. I'd say that they did okay in the genetic lottery of life.
So do you ask? Sure...why not? You could also ask your mom (or dad) if they'd be interested in doing some sort of child-grandparent activity. Google it. There may be something in your area. Or perhaps you could get the two of them into some sort of hobby together? Maybe invite your mom over for a Saturday brunch at your house and you, your mom, and child can spend time together?
Does she live close? Does she drive? Perhaps they could be the ones that take your son to scouts, soccer, or swim lessons? Once a month ice cream? IDK, maybe think outside of the box.
Good luck,
How old is your munchkin?
Patti
And if your SIL lived at your mom's for a year and a half, they must have grown close. Especially if you have a good mom and she doesn't. Also, you feel that your mom likes your brothers more than you. That may or may not be true but those are your feelings. Sounds like jealousy and insecurity.
Do you care enough about family harmony to work on your issues? You can't change any of them, but you can change you. No one is perfect. I'm sure your SIL has her issues as well. But it would benefit you most of all. All those negative feelings can't be good for you.
I wouldn't look at it as 'me against them'. I don't know everything of course but I'd never begrudge anyone the love of another person and it sounds like your SIL needs a good mother figure. You're very blessed to have had one.
I wish I'd had family like that. I would do all I could to show them that I loved them. I really hope things improve for you. Pick your battles. One day they may not be there for you to be angry with.